If you have no idea who Dan Bilzerian is, don't feel like you're way behind on the times or like you've lost your touch or like you aren't up on modern pop culture. Dan Bilzerian isn't your average celebrity. He's one of the wealthiest celebs in the world due to his remarkable skills in poker as well as his substantial trust fund (never hurts to be in the 1%) though that's not really what he's most known for. He's publicly known as the Instagram King or the Instagram Playboy King -- he kind of is like a young Hugh Hefner for our modern age. You might also recognize him from small roles he's had in Olympus Has Fallen, Lone Survivor (Healy), and War Dogs.
Dan is the kind of guy that has enough money to do... pretty much whatever he wants. He spends most of his time like Bruce Wayne might -- we don't mean he's flying around Hollywood Hills fighting crime; we're talking about the daytime work of socializing with celebs and hotties and steaming sexy ladies. He's not obligated to do anything, really, though he enjoys spending his free time dabbling in high-risk activities (like gambling, stunt work, high-risk investments) and enjoys work as a venture capitalist.
Don't believe us? Don't think that this guy really is the wealthy, sexy, playboy, idyllic man who is really as cool as we say he is? Well, grab onto something tight and get ready because we're about to serve you up some proof. Here are fifteen pictures of Dan Bilzerian and his spectacular, lavish lifestyle!
15 Sharing His Hobbies
Dan isn't the selfish type. Not at all! He's got quite a massive fortune to spend money on. Maybe he isn't the most charitable celeb or maybe even close to being a highly philanthropic millionaire -- but that doesn't make him selfish! And sure, maybe he enjoys living the lavish life, doling out physical relationships with any hot lady that will have him and withholding genuine intimacy for the ones in his life that really matter (like his goat and his cat), but that doesn't make him selfish! He loves to share his hobbies with his gaggle of girlfriends even if he doesn't really remember their names! This shot came when Dan was teaching a few of them (whom he was so kind to bestow with uniforms for the occasion) how to shoot -- a very practical skill for women to have even if they aren't exactly the most practical uniforms to be playing with firearms in...
14 Breaking the Rules
When we get down to it, that's really Dan's favorite hobby: breaking the rules. All of the rules. The rules don't seem to ever apply to the fantastically wealthy. Ironically, it's they that seem to make the rules we all have to live our lives by, but they never seem to uphold them themselves. Odd how that works...
There are plenty of rules being broken in this shot that would potentially upheave, throw off, or ruin the lives of us normal people -- but they're just everyday activities for Dan! Like having half-naked women sitting on his and his buddy's lap; or lounging around in a half-empty airplane; or, we don't know, POINTING A GUN AT THE DOOR OF A COCKPIT FOR THE SAKE OF A JOKE. Dan doesn't play by anyone's rules; that's absolutely and totally clear. Dan Bilzerian can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants -- so we 'pleebs' better stay out of his way.
13 Loading Up the Car
Just another beach day for Dan! Most people road trip over to the beach, stay in a cheap hotel or bed and breakfast, walk over to the beach, and trudge through the sand, and umbrellas with their coolers in hand until they find the right spot. For most of us, going to the beach is a bit of an ordeal. Well, not for Dan. Dan arrives at the beach in one car and immediately hops into an all-terrain vehicle that's somehow a cross between a golf cart and a Jeep. And he doesn't seem to be toting around any beach knick-knacks or necessities -- unless, that is, he has somehow packed them into the bikinis of all his ladies. In this shot, he's got seven ladies all surrounding the ATV ready to get to some beach play, and he just seems to be eager to hit the road and get to driving!
12 Popping Off Rounds
Dan is a serious gun nut. Like, seriously. If anyone were to be within a hundred mile radius of Dan and suggest changes to the second amendment or restrictions of gun laws, this man would rain hellfire down on that person in the form of gunshot rounds. Who knows why he's so into guns? Perhaps it's because he's a wealthy guy who grew up as a wealthy kid, and he's never had the need to know how to use a gun, so he feels the need to compensate for that somehow by becoming a weapons enthusiast -- but that's just our theory.. what do we know? Dan loves going out to the gun range and firing off some automatic rounds, but not nearly as much as he loves taking some of his lady friends out on the range with him. Looks like they're totally having fun, though we kind of feel bad for those ladies walking around out in that mess in high heels...
11 Surfing in Paradise
You don't have to be rich to go surfing, no! Of course not! Anyone can surf! In fact, some of the world's most famous surfers have spent a lot of their lives totally broke because all that matters to them is their relationship with their boards and the waves. But Dan Bilzerian takes water sports to a new level. First of all, we're totally in awe of whoever caught this photo on SnapChat -- the filters on that app are usually crap, and yet, this picture looks like it was snapped by a pro-photographer. Second of all, can we just take a second to look at the time stamp? 1:44 a.m.? That means that either Dan's phone is somehow really off on its time zones, or Dan is in some sunny, gorgeous paradise where the sun never sets and the water is crystal clear and the waves are always choice, and the happiness never ends.
10 Chilling With Someone 100 Years Old
This Instagram shot was taken while Dan was visiting the Galapagos Islands a couple of months ago. His lady (who knows who she is? He's got a new one every day, especially when on vacation) is chilling in Gucci flip flops while riding on the back of a hundred-year-old tortoise while Dan is feeding it some green. Dan faced a little bit of flack from his followers for this picture because he had his girlfriend riding not only an ancient creature but also one that's an endangered species. We're not too proud of Dan either for his insensitivity to the needs of the natural environment he's choosing to explore, but we have to admit, he kind of looks like a badass. And at least he's taking care of the animals while he's potentially harming them! What tortoise doesn't love being hand-fed giant fauna? Silver linings...
9 Jamming Out
Who says that Dan is any different from any of us? He likes to party! He likes music! He enjoys music festivals, and hanging out on the beach, and getting tan, and being best friends with the DJs rocking out at music festivals and getting on stage with them and running the party with thousands of adoring fans screaming out behind him!
Okay, so maybe he's a little bit different from the rest of us. But just a little bit -- that's what we tell ourselves, at least! Dan hit up this music festival and hopped on stage to run the party for a while. This picture sure does tell a thousand words, but there's more to the story that happened after this snapshot was taken. Revels were enjoyed, celebrations were had, women were topless -- every party that has Dan Bilzerian added to it is certain to jump up ten notches.
8 Chilling With His Pet Goat
Dan is such an extraordinary and eccentric individual that he doesn't even have pets like the rest of us. Dan doesn't have any big dogs or anything -- instead of a Golden Retriever, he has a goat. To be more specific, he has a "surly pet goat, Zeus." He posts pictures with the god-like goat on Instagram all the time and seems to actually be very affectionate towards it -- perhaps more affectionate towards it than any other life form in his life. (Just because he's getting laid doesn't mean he's expressing affection, guys). He does have a pet cat as well, but his favorite frat-boyish pastime is to make the cat pose on the naked bodies of women as a crude and unoriginal pun. (If you don't get the pun, we're not going to explain it to you. Think about it). We don't think he'd ever disrespect Zeus in such a manner -- don't mess with this goat.
COME ON! Alright, sorry, we're pulling ourselves together...
Dan Bilzerian has quite a great life. He has a million hot babes on speed dial that will hurry over in an instant even if it's just for the opportunity to run around his stunning house. And all of them seem to prefer running around in their underwear or less. And he could do almost anything with these women; they're just about game for anything! But what does he choose to do? PLAY VIDEO GAMES. These ladies are all bouncing around behind him, probably playing with his pet cat or maybe even gearing up for a pillow fight, and he's mesmerized by Call of Duty or Halo or whatever first-person shooting game he's focused on. Some guys just don't realize how good they've got it. Dan is a mad video-game enthusiast who evens goes to competitions sometimes, so we know he takes this stuff seriously, but COME ON!!
6 Monkeying Around
Here's another snapshot from one of Dan Bilzerian's recent vacations. Question: do you actually still call them vacations if you're a gazillionaire who actually travels about as much as he stays home? Or are they just trips? What's the difference at that point? Does a filthy rich playboy get to have vacations?
Anyways, this picture was taken when Dan was traveling around with some of his many lady friends (who look stunning, by the way) and visiting some foreign countries. Dan actually has an adorable propensity for loving on animals like monkeys. Fairly recently, he actually went to his friend Richard Branson's (you know, the founder of the Virgin corporation) private island to visit the animal sanctuary that was just opened there specifically housing endangered cute little monkeys! It's odd and interesting that Dan seems to be able to show the most affection to precious little animals like these, but it's still adorable.
5 Talking With Friends
Yup, that is indeed Dan Bilzerian having a chit chat with the current President of the United States, Donald Trump. The two men, who are each way too rich for their own good, get along on a number of subjects and actually talk fairly frequently. Who would have guessed? Who could have known that crazy rich white people all love to hang out together and talk over expensive bottles of water and fruit plates no one seems to be interested in?!
Fact is, Dan is a crazy big supporter of Donald Trump. Whether you support Trump's policies and presidency or not (we're not asking; we're just a neutral bystander), it's clear to see that the two live similar lives. Even recently, Dan has posted things on Instagram supporting second amendment freedoms and closing US borders and expressing excitement at being able to grab women by the... um... well, you know what we're talking about.
4 Playing With Tanks
When we (as in, us normal people. Peasants. Plebeians, if you will. You know, nobodies) say we're playing with tanks, we're generally talking about playing the video game, World of Tanks. And maybe Dan plays that, too, which would be super cute since he gets to play with real tanks on a semi-regular basis. This is just one of the many times we've seen Dan Bilzerian playing around with large machines, and we've got to admit that we're at least a little bit jealous: if not of the big toy, then of the company he's keeping. Dan took a bunch of friends on this trip to the tank playground -- and by friends, we mean one rich pal and nine of his barely bikinied lady brat-pack. We don't know how they're all planning on fitting into that tiny space, but it could just be one of the sexiest tank rides in all history.
3 Those Tanks Though
Seriously, Dan loves his tanks! If Dan could sell all of his guns (and trust us, he has quite the gun collection. Like, an ARSENAL in his home. As in, please do not ever think you could intrude there and live to tell the tale) in exchange for a couple of tanks, he just might do it -- so long as he's able to fire the big guns on the tank, that is. Remember how we were wondering what it would look like to get all of these ladies in one tank? And speculated that it just may be one of the sexiest tank rides ever to occur? Well... were we wrong? Dan posed in another incredibly frat-boyish way for this shot, surrounding himself with six ladies -- some even wearing a bit more clothing in this shot! How odd... we have to wonder if he went lax on the strict and stringent bikini-only dress code for the day...
2 Lion Around
Dan Bilzerian is kind of like a modern American king. We like to pretend that the monarchies in this land were completely abolished when revolutionaries drafted the United States constitution, but who are we kidding? This country is totally ruled by blood monarchies, whether you're considering political families like the Kennedys and the Bushes or the wealth of America that has stayed within the wealthiest American families like the Goldman family, the Walton family, and the Koch family -- as well as the ancestors of Dan Bilzerian.
Dan is one of the kings of our modern-day jungle, just like this lion he's chilling with. We'll say that again -- he's kicking back in a throne with an actual, live, ferocious lion at his side. This is the stuff that HBO series are made of. If we saw something made after Dan's crazy adventures appearing on that cable network in the near future, we sure wouldn't be surprised or upset!
Even when it comes down to basic relaxing and luxurious relaxers like kicking back in a hot tub, Dan Bilzerian beats all of us. This thirty-six-year-old (that's right campers -- this wealthy frat boy is actually a full-fledged adult that lives his entire life like an episode of Arthur, jumping from adventure to adventure with the daredevil attitude of a sixteen-year-old boy) is living it up with multiple babes at all times. Here, he's seen with four of his lady-model friends; we're not actually sure if they're models or not, but let's be real -- they may as well be if they aren't already. This stunning group is sailing around the Caribbean in Bilzerian's yacht, looking sexy as ever and enjoying their retreat from the world in his no-rules, no-boundaries party boat. Sounds like a fun time, one that we certainly want more pictures of...