Marriage is a road that many people in the world will travel at some point throughout their lives. Back in the day, there was no getting out of it. If you got married to someone, you stayed married to them regardless of what happened. Worse than that, it was very common that you got married to someone you didn’t even know, or even much worse, you were forced to get married to someone in your own family (yeah, that happened more often than you would care to believe).
Today, people are more, shall we say, relaxed about marriage. It is one of the most important and sacred vows someone could take. Still, now you have the opportunity of regretting that pledge, and as long as you come clean before doing something stupid, no one will look at you dirty for getting a divorce. Well, maybe your ex and your kids will, but that is a conversation for another day.
Another interesting thing about marriage today is that couples have something they did not have before. Yes, we are talking about cellphones. And thanks to the Internet, we were introduced to a whole new world many people previously never had the opportunity of seeing outside of their own bubble of influence—text conversations between husbands and wives. These are some of the most hilarious texting screenshots you will find on the Internet. And get ready for a few gems because we separated 15 of the funniest husband-and-wife texts we could find. Let this also be a warning that these days any slip could make you end up going viral on the web.
Long gone are the days when people thought that marriage was a time in which you would finally get to do the dirty more often than before. Maybe back in medieval times, when people did not have premarital intercourse that often, guys and gals looked forward to this part of a sacred union. Nevertheless, things today are very different. In fact, the reality is the exact opposite in most cases. After you tie the knot, that appetite and everything that goes along with it starts to fade away. At least, that is what a lot of people rant about on the online forms.
Meanwhile, everyone is a human being, so you still need to have an outlet of some kind. And thank God for the Internet, right? Today, people can watch adult content pretty much anywhere. And believe it or not, married people probably watch as much of it as male teenagers. Still, you should make sure to keep the volume down not to bother anyone else in the house.
We delved a little bit into the topic of people losing their appetite for intimacy with their partner after getting married. But don’t even get us started on the many things that happen after you have children. First of all, if you are someone who likes to sleep a lot, get ready for a rough awakening. And by that, we literally mean a rough awakening. It is rare when a pair of parents gets to sleep an entire night with a baby in the house. Still, the usual thing we see is that the parents stick together through thick and thin at least for that rough beginning.
However, there are times in which guys like Derek over here just completely disappear. The poor wife cannot go to the bathroom for a couple of minutes without the kids starting to scream. Meanwhile, good old Derek took that opportunity to turn off his phone and bounce. Don’t be like Derek, guys. Everyone needs to power through this.
Husbands and wives have a lot of interesting conversations via text. A lot of them have to do with inside jokes, some of the rougher ones have to do with cheating when someone gets a contact wrong on their phone, but most of the time, couples with children text each other talking about something that their kids did. Still, we had never heard of anything like this.
Just put yourself in this father’s position. You just got home from work, you are exhausted, and all you want is to sit back, relax, and have a nice cold beer. But as soon as you get out of your car, you look at the front door, and you see your little son smiling at you. Maybe he’s happy that you are home. Or perhaps, he just turned the lock on the door and locked you outside of your own home. Seriously, we cannot imagine a situation in which someone doesn’t just burst out laughing as soon as this happens. Someone give that kid a medal.
We don’t know why, but there is one very common differential between moms and dads that is kind of hard to explain. Somehow, a mom is always able to tell what her kids are thinking and what they are about to do. Hence, moms always know how to keep everything together even if they are alone with the kids at home. On the other hand, while a dad might know his kids well, it is almost impossible for a man to keep complete control of his kids when the wife is not around.
Here is a perfect example of that. This wife had just left home for a few days. Her plane had just landed wherever she was taking a work trip to or was visiting her parents. That is when she decides to check in on the husband and see how everything is going back home. It turns out that all hell has literally broken loose and the father is about to give up.
11 Caught In The Act...
We could literally fill up an entire list with all of the stupid husbands who unwittingly sent a text that was intended to go to their mistress to their wife instead. As you can very well imagine, this is a rather quick way to get yourself a divorce. And if that is your intention anyway, please be our guest and go right ahead to use the idea. There is literally no getting this wrong.
However, if you are one of those scumbags who just likes to mess around with other women while keeping your wife in the dark, we really hope something like this happens to you one day. The guy cannot contain himself. The wife had just left town, and he had the house all to himself. Too bad that he couldn’t take enough time to do the simplest thing you can do before sending a text—check who you are sending it to. They should really put that in the phone’s manual.
10 It Happens
We all have our weird quirks and things we like to do. Some might call them routines. Routines are not only going to work and coming home every day. Every little thing that you often do in your life could be considered a routine. Always stepping into a room with your right foot, checking both rearview mirrors before turning your car on, checking all the doors and windows in your house before going to sleep—these are all examples of little things that are routines.
There are, however, some very uncommon routines people have that only their significant other can really understand. Take this guy is an example. One of James’ routines is to dry his hands on his hair every time they get wet, which could turn out to be a problem if they were wet with sour cream like his wife found out through this hilarious text. Do you have any funny or odd routines only your significant other knows about? Let us know and spread the wealth; maybe you are not alone.
9 The Animal Lover
Some people love animals, some people love having pets, some people are environmental activists, some people work for PETA, but very few people will do something as crazy as this particular wife did. This is one of those women who cannot see a wounded or lost animal roaming the streets without picking it up and taking it home to nurture it back to health or make herself feel better about the world. Usually, she does that with the occasional stray dog or ferret, but this time, she took it up a notch.
Apparently, the woman saw a little dog alone in their backyard, looking hungry and all. She did what she usually does and brought the thing inside the house to take care of it. Well, it turns out that the little dog was not actually a dog. According to this desperate husband, it was a freaking coyote. Now, just try to put yourself in this situation. You are at work, and your wife just sends you a picture of a coyote sitting on your couch next to your infant son. You would probably have a heart attack.
8 Planning Ahead
Some people love thinking about the future. We have guys like Elon Musk who dedicate their lives so that humankind can become a space-faring species. We have researchers who devote their lifetime to developing cures to the world’s most deadly diseases, and the list goes on and on. But in a more grounded sense, we have regular folks who spend a lot of time thinking about the future. We have guys and gals who dream about getting a promotion and picture themselves getting that most-needed pay raise. We have moms and dads who, despite not even having one kid, are already thinking about what they will do to put their third child through college.
Well, here is one of those people. This couple had one kid, but for the wife, this was just the beginning, and she lost no time in planning ahead. One beautiful day, this husband gets back home and finds enough toys for them to open a daycare in the backyard.
While some couples can be quite nasty in the nature of the text messages they send to each other, some pairs make a point in making everything about their relationship seem almost too cute for a Disney movie. These are the couples that send each other loving messages even though they have only been apart for a couple of hours. These are the folks who are living an eternal honeymoon. We are glad that some people have that, but we are also delighted that sometimes one person inside a relationship of this nature can pull off a gem of a text like this one.
We don’t know if it was the husband or the wife who started sending cute messages that sounded almost like a poem. While we totally think that they plagiarized those lines from somewhere, we can practically guarantee that no one expected a perfect answer like the one he or she got. Now, we just have to wonder if that joker ever got his or her advice.
One of the things couples have to deal with on a regular basis are the fears each of them have. Don’t try to hide it; we all have weird fears that we don’t tell anyone except our significant others. For example, there are folks who have a petrifying fear of what lies underwater. They are not scared of drowning or anything like that. These are folks who are particularly terrified of what could be hiding in the dark depths of lakes and the oceans. Yeah, try not to think about this the next time you go for a swim at the beach.
On the other hand, there are more mundane fears, like the fear of spiders. Most people are scared of spiders and snakes, and this woman is very much a part of that statistic. The interesting thing here is that this husband must’ve been really worried when he got the first text. “Holy sh*t, my wife almost just died. What could have happened?” Well, it turns out that it was just a tiny spider on the shampoo bottle. A deadly threat indeed.
We started this article talking about some of the differences between marriages back in the day and how things are done today. This time, however, we found an interesting aspect of marriages today that is different from before but has nothing to do with the bedroom. We are talking about cooking. Long gone are the days when every woman was supposed to cook for her husband or that every woman knew how to cook for that matter.
Despite some people trying their hardest not to acknowledge this, society is changing for the better, and maybe it is a good thing that guys have to learn how to cook today. Still, sometimes, wives can be just mean in how they go about this issue. Seriously, how cruel do you have to be to ask someone what they want for supper, as if you were going to cook it, and then tell them to stop by Olive Garden if they want some food when they get home?
4 Share Everything
When you agree to get married to someone, you pretty much agree to share everything that you have. Unless you signed a prenuptial contract, you are literally agreeing to split everything 50-50 while you are married and if you eventually get a divorce. Now, this might be a little bit controversial, but we do think that the cash you have in your pants should be fair game as well.
Case in point, this husband unwittingly forgot to take some of his cash out of his pants before throwing them in the laundry bin. Unfortunately for him, in a marriage, everything goes 50-50, and money found is extra money. So, what did the wife do when she discovered that secret little stash of cash inside his pants? She went ahead and bought herself a new phone. Can you really blame her, though? We bet the husband wasn’t even pissed about it; just call it an early Christmas gift.
One of the toughest things for a couple to find common ground in is shopping. No one really knows why, but there is a weird correlation about how much the people who get into relationships have such different habits when it comes to buying stuff. It is hard to find a couple where both parties are either big spenders or don’t spend a whole lot. It usually goes 50-50. One of them likes to spend a lot of money, and the other one is super stingy. You know how they say that couples complete each other? This is probably why.
But if you can relate to the point we just made, we have no doubt that you have already experienced something similar to this. All you told your significant other was that you needed some wrapping paper to wrap up a gift for a family member or friend. However, as soon as they hit the store, they became amused with the Christmas spirit and decided to buy everything that has to do with Christmas inside that store.
2 Common Sense
Married couples should know each other very well. If they don’t, there is a good chance that they got married too early. Nevertheless, that is besides the point. What we wanted to mention this for is because people who know each other for a while know very well the dangers of living with each other. Take this guy or gal for example. Their significant other seems to be someone who is quite prone to burning stuff.
That being said, it could be quite a dangerous thing to leave someone like this alone at home without a working smoke alarm. At the same time, we have to give it to this person in that there is literally one simple thing you need to do in order to stay away from death while the smoke alarm is off. All you have to do is not burn anything. How hard could that be? More than that, how bad of a cook do you need to be actually to ever worry about something like this?
1 Dead Stuff
Nothing makes a household livelier than finding a dead animal inside of it. But before we get to that point, let’s just answer this person’s question. Yes, we would definitely like to know if our significant other found a dead bat inside the house. First and foremost, there is the disturbing problem that bats are disease carriers. You should really try to find out what the hell that thing was doing inside your house before it died. In case you are not aware of it, if you as much as step on bat urine with your bare feet, there is a good chance that you could catch a disease. The disease may or may not be rabies, but we don’t want to scare anyone.
On the other hand, we have to consider that for some people, knowing that there was a dead bat inside their house may be more harmful than them not knowing about it. Seriously, there are folks who would not sleep after getting news like these.