I’m not particularly well known for my knowledge of all the stupid celebrity things. And I certainly don’t spend a lot of time thinking about Ben Affleck. But he was with Jennifer Garner. And then he was likely with their ex-nanny. And apparently, she’s kind of nuts. So why wouldn’t I go out of my way to know a bit about this?
Christine Ouzounian might not actually be nuts, but she is certainly not normal by any stretch of the imagination. She’s hot, so I could totally see Affleck having a fling with her. But she’s also clearly an attention-seeker. She tipped off the media so they could get good pics of her bringing Ben some champagne. And where do you think she got the Lexus from?
Of course, Ben Affleck denies all of the allegations that they slept together. And while Ouzounian hasn’t actually commented directly on any of this, she certainly loves to smile for the camera and loves to leave rather ambiguous taglines on her Instagram. So here’s the thing: even if she didn’t sleep with Ben…who cares? Let’s just enjoy taking some time to look at what was worth ruining a marriage over.
16. $10k/Month Smile
Christine Ouzounian has definitely got the looks I would want if I employed a nanny around the house. Of course, I’m not married, nor do I have kids, so I’d ultimately just want to have her around for the company. I do wonder if Ben Affleck paid for the pearly whites that Ouzounian has. They are perfectly straight and shiny. And given that, once she was no longer working for Ben, he still paid for a 10k L.A. pad for her to live in. There’s no way she did not have some pretty pricey work done on them. It’s pretty clear that she made a damn good salary from Affleck and Garner. And it seems like maybe there was some significant guilt on Ben’s part here. Why else would he keep paying her way after she was fired?
15. She’s A “Typical California Girl”
From her younger days…which weren’t all that long ago. Ouzounian really seems to enjoy being the life of the party. After all, it seems to be that she was the life of the party in the Affleck/Garner home for some time. That was until she was fired after allegations of an affair…and then there was no longer an Affleck/Garner home. But hey, this allegedly “typical California Girl”, showing off some midriff, wearing red fishnets and raising the devil horns into the air…seems like my kind of nanny. “She’s very well put-together and fun,” said a friend of hers to People. I mean, it does seem pretty clear now that she spent some fun time with Ben. I don’t know why he’d feel the need to stray from someone as smoking as Jennifer Garner, but I’m definitely not going to try and get into the mind of Affleck.
14. The Nanny Drives A LEXUS!
Even while she sits and waits in her care for whomever or whatever, she still looks like she has that grin that says “I’m better than everyone else because I nailed Ben Affleck.” Which I have to admit is pretty sad. Sure, she got her media attention…but I wouldn’t feel impressed with myself if I managed to sleep with him (well I might if only because that would mean the media would go nuts over him and another guy, but that’s beside the point). And according to a source for Star Magazine “[Ben] made sure she knew he was interested.” So, it’s not like it was at all difficult for her to get what she wanted. She didn’t even have to try. She just needed to walk in and say “ok let’s go, Ben.” Easy conquests don’t deserve pride…or a Lexus! But she managed to score a sweet car out of the affair…
13. Affleck And Garner Were Already Splitting
Apparently, Ouzounian may have expected to be Ben’s next girlfriend and not just some fling. Though, given how they ended up together, I think she could never have really hoped to be anything more than a fling. But that doesn’t seem to matter to her anymore. She’s just happy to talk about them hooking up, and then Ben joining her in the shower afterwards. How sweet. Maybe it’s little things like that that made her believe a relationship could somehow form from the affair. I guess it also helped her along the way to learn that the divorce between Ben and Jen actually had nothing to do with her. They were already on a “trial split”. She must have felt very comfortable in her hookups with Affleck once the divorce was made public. Because what would it matter then if she was nailing her boss. He wouldn’t be married for much longer anyway.
12. She Really Tried To Mess With Garner
Christine has got some attitude it seems. And she wasn’t afraid to show it off at all. Apparently, more than once, Jennifer Garner would walk into a room where Ben and Christine were leaned in close, whispering quiet nothings to each other. It seems she convinced herself that nothing was really going on, but Christine still was doing her best to leave evidence of her fling with Ben wherever she could. I bet she even tried to leave some of her underwear to be found. Or some smudged lipstick here and there. As cute as she is…she’s a really conniving and kind of terrible woman. I wouldn’t want to be caught up in an affair with this girl. It seems like there’s a little too much crazy caught up in such a pretty lady. Not my kind of crazy. Especially when she left a pregnancy test on the bathroom sink for Garner to find.
11. She Likes To Stay Fit
“Ouzounian spends time staying in shape. A source told ET that Ouzounian stays svelte by going for runs, and that she likes to try out different sports, like golf.” Now that’s all well and good. It’s kind of nice to see that Christine Ouzounian isn’t always on her A-game. Sometimes she’s fine wearing some workout clothes that aren’t very revealing or tight. It’s nice to see that side of her that lets her guard down, and doesn’t care much about being the hot and naughty nanny. However, let’s be honest. It’s not like golf is very much of a sport, let alone a physically exhausting sport. Unless you walk the entire course. But either way, I guess she has to stay fit so that she can land affairs with her A-lister employers. Otherwise, she never would’ve ended up with Ben!
10. Still Keeping In Touch With Ben…
The perks of having worked for Ben Affleck seem to be pretty amazing. A new car, fantastic pool parties, new clothes, a torrid affair, and apparently a ton of texting. Apparently, Ouzounian texts with Affleck still at least 20 times every day. Even after all the media explosion, and the denials of an affair, and the divorce between Garner and Affleck. Well…I guess to be fair, Ben has nothing to lose by messaging her now. It’s not like he has a wife to go home to anymore. So why not continue having a go at the ex-nanny? Either way, the media circus is exactly what she wants. Spilling the beans about the affair, gaining some celebrity in Hollywood, and then maybe she’ll end up starring in some bullsh*t reality tv show: “Real Ho Nannies of Hollywood” or something to that effect?
9. The Sorority Girl
It’s kind of perfect that she’s wearing a Nike shirt while walking past her shiny new Lexus in her sporting gear. It’s almost like she was parading the Nike slogan there. “Just Do It”. I mean…she ended up with a Lexus…I think she probably did it. I have a sneaking suspicion that she had that affair with Affleck. I’m sure she made a lot as the nanny…but I’ve never known a nanny to make enough to buy a Lexus! I wonder how she knows how to play guys so well. According to Hello “Christine spent some time in Arizona studying at the Arizona State University. She graduated with a degree in communications and during her campus years, she belonged to a sorority.” No wonder she’s so…open; always keeping Ben-the-big-fish on the line for media attention…she knows how to get her way.
8. She Has A Twin Who Also Works For Stars
How could someone so cute and so pretty be such a devious tramp? It kind of makes me sad. But at the same time…it’s kind of impressive. Apparently, she has “a calm and demure demeanour” and possesses a “true service heart”. She added: “I’m socially appropriate and understand the fine lines involved when working in someone’s home.” Oh, wait. That’s not about Christine. That’s actually taken directly from her twin sister’s LinkedIn page! They both work for the stars in Hollywood. But her sister Caty is a personal assistant and house manager. Not a naughty nanny. But I bet they could probably switch roles sometimes. I wonder if Ben realizes that he actually had an affair with two different people!
7. Working For Neil Patrick Harris
Fun fact! Both Christine and her twin sister Caty have worked for Neil Patrick Harris. I guess there’s probably a good reason why she wasn’t quite a naughty nanny with him. But I’m left wondering why both of them ended up no longer working for him. Were there alarm bells before Ben hired Christine that he should have paid attention to? Aside from that, I’ve noticed that when she’s not flashing those pearly whites for the media, she’s got this smirk that seems to suggest a little bit of arrogance. It’s like she knows she’s getting away with something. I’m sure some of you wish that she’d get away with you. But I guess life isn’t fair. So it seems to me that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are probably not the first stars to have fallen prey to Christine.
6. The Age Gap
I guess the age gap here isn’t all that big. After all, Ouzounian is now 30 and Affleck is 45. I mean, Hugh Hefner has been nailing 20-year-olds since before he was 20…and he’s still doing it and he’s damn near a century old. So a fifteen year age difference isn’t much. It’s not a bad thing at all. Of course, having an affair might be a bad thing. Especially if your wife is Jennifer Garner (who is his exact same age). But no one ever said Affleck was the smartest man in the world. And honestly, how could you say no to a smile like Christine Ouzounian’s? I don’t think I would be able to. I’d be right into bed with her. Or on the counter, or dinner table, or wherever it was that they fooled around behind Garner’s back. And either way, it’s not like their maturity levels didn’t match, in spite of their age difference.
5. She Planned It All
Ouzounian really seems to be a good nanny. Not only does she take care of the kids, but she also takes care of the father. And I don’t think being given a Lexus by your naughty employer is a reason to be too depressed. And besides, according to a friend of hers, she planned the whole thing just so she could talk to the media about it later. Apparently, “She doesn’t see anything wrong with what she’s done” according to a source for Star Magazine (not a very reputable media outlet, but still). Not only was her plan to make it big from sleeping with Ben, but she planned to continue “airing out [Ben and Jen’s] dirty laundry”. I’ll be honest though. I don’t think there’s anything that could come out from Ouzounian that would ruin either star. Ben’s already done far worse.
4. She’s Not The Only Naughty Nanny In Hollywood
I’m sure some of you are thinking about pumping now. And while she is pumping gas into her Lexus here, I’m sure you’re wishing for her to be pumping something else entirely. Hey, if Ben can get some then there’s every reason why you should be able to feel confident as well. It’s not like he’s the most dreamy actor. Or the best actor. Or a great celebrity at all. He’s just been in the right places at the right times. Except for when he was in his ex-nanny, I guess. It’s not like it’ll ruin his career, but it will cause him some humiliation. More so than he’s dealt with, I guess. But then again, everyone seems to be sleeping with their nannies these days! Gwen Stefani‘s husband nailed their nanny. Arnold Schwarzenegger had a 10-year-long affair with his nanny. Everyone’s doing them these days! So why wouldn’t Ben. At least Christine is hot.
3. The Happy Family The Nanny Wanted
What a cute family photo by the media. Oh, wait! Whoops! That’s not Jennifer Garner there. That’s Christine Ouzounian. So yes, it’s true. She was their nanny. So it makes sense that she be seen with the family. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen a photo with Ouzounian and Garner in the same place at the same time. And I’m sure Garner is busy a lot of the time, but so is Ben. And I only ever see the two of them together. I’ll be honest though. However creepy it may seem, Ouzounian looks more like Affleck’s teen daughter walking there with the rest of the kids, than she does a naughty nanny. Besides that, it turns out that Christine really thought her and Ben would go somewhere. According to an insider talking to People “For Christine, it was a relationship. A friend warned her she was going to end up heartbroken.”
2. Calling The Bahamas Home
She was the nanny. And then she was the naughty nanny. And before any of that, she was engaged to some fisherman from the Bahamas. No one needs to know his name because he’s ultimately not important to this story. But rumour has it that she’s back with this dude and engaged. Though that hasn’t changed her relationship with Ben, apparently. The last time Ben made a stop in the Bahamas, guess who was their indefinitely…that’s right! Christine Ouzounian. It’s almost like it was a little, planned vacation. And she gets to keep a somewhat cushy life in paradise while being bounced around between two men. At least she’ll never be bored. And may I say she looks pretty cute in a bikini? She really seems how to work the angles right to keep the good life.
1. She Just Wants To Be A Celebrity
Here’s what I imagine must be Christine Ouzounian’s grad photo. She’s very pretty. She looks so sweet. She doesn’t at all look like an evil, Hollywood seductress. But I guess that’s what made her such a success. She managed to nail Ben Affleck, turn Jennifer Garner mad, score a Lexus out of the deal, and a cosy spot in a 10k Bel-Air hotel room while Ben tried to get her to keep her mouth shut. But now she’s out and on her own. She’s picked up an agent and is looking to keep in the spotlight while she still can. Apparently, she wants to land a gig on The Bachelorette or Dancing With The Stars. She even has an idea of doing a show called Mistress Makeovers. So, I guess all the other naughty nannies from Hollywood would appear in the show, and she would try and give them a better life?
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