Babies are cute. That’s a scientific fact. (Unless, of course, the infant is utterly atrocious, like this particular writer was when he was born, so much so that it led his family to, he believes, lovingly refer to him as E.T.)
The normal, and accepted, way most parents express their initial reactions upon seeing an utterly adorable infant is through exclamations of overt affection, such as “AWW!” and, the ever so descriptive, “SO CUTE!” Next, they may pinch those chubby little cheeks or coo over the size of their fingers and toes.
Meanwhile, there are others who exhibit strange, some might say, unorthodox behavior that are borderline disturbing. It usually involves the cooing grownup trying to embellish the baby’s cuteness by dressing him/her up in bizarre outfits that make us question the sanity of the adult and their role as such.
This is a list of some of the disturbing outfits that adults have put babies (and toddlers) in and, in the more elaborate cases, the sets they constructed to augment the sheer “cuteness” that their “costumes” exude. Many of the following examples are, what we believe to be, people’s way of coping with the ubiquitous fear of death by trying to “cutify” it with their children. Others seem to be confused by what “sweet” signifies when used as a way to describe a baby’s predisposition (“what a sweet little darlin’ baby!”) by confusing it with a certain type of taste that’s experienced when eating.
Then, others are just plain wrong.
15. Will Humiliate My Child For Clicks
Okay, this kid isn’t a baby, but the concept of this costume is pretty distasteful.
Parents should always want to their child to have the best. That’s not an absurd assessment. It’s therefore not too much to ask for parents to ensure, to the best of their abilities, that this “want” becomes a reality.
Now, we’re not saying that this particular photo is due to this kid’s parents not trying or not wanting what’s best for him. It’s just rather morbid that they actually dressed him up as a hobo, someone who essentially has nothing and is therefore forced to resort to begging in order to survive.
As many people living in the city know, one of the ways in which most hobos usually beg is by holding signs made out of cardboard, with their request written in sharpie so that the message they want to relate to those who are not homeless (and have the means to help them) is readable.
This particular “joke” of having a child hold a sign that says “will work for candy” is an obvious nod to homeless people who use their signs to articulate that they need food and that, to make it worth your while, they’ll perform some form of labor or give you their time in return for payment in nourishment, preferably through the consumption of non-liquid foods. The fact that children love candy more so than regular food is what forms the basis of the joke. It’s a tasteless one, though.
14. As Crunchy As A Taco
There’s something unsettling about dressing your child up as food. We get the “cute” appeal. But a taco? There’s nothing adorable about a taco. Some foods make sense. A cupcake, a piece of fruit, or basically anything sweet because, we get it, your little baby is a sweet ‘lil thing. But when you start delving into non-cute food territory, the effort begins to look a lot less like a way of showing your adoration for your little tike, and more like cannibalism.
This picture aside, the specific webpage where said picture originally appeared was actually useful. It was featured on The Fatherly to promote content that was originally written on its Forum, a community of parents for parents.
The writer discussed a technique called “Baby-Led Weaning,” where he got his baby to eat what he wanted without having to make any excessive accommodations. The tie-in to the aforementioned picture was that his son’s second word was “taco.” Okay. He likes tacos. Don’t dress him up like one.
13. Fast-Forward My Baby To A Geezer
When raising a child, you obviously want him/her to grow up. That’s the point. The fact that they’re growing up is good because that means they’re not dead. But wanting them to look old, like a senior citizen? That’s just a little creepy.
Everyone knows what happens after you grow old—you die. Why “celebrate” the twilight years of your child’s life before they have even experienced…the dawn? Sure, people have made the comparison that the elderly are almost like a giant baby. It’s grotesque, but it’s true. You can hear it just by how some folk speak to those who are older. Heck, as one website wrote when featuring their own roundup of “adorable” babies dressed as old people, it isn’t that hard to pull together: “Your kid’s natural attitude and toothlessness are what really bring the costume home,” the site reads.
12. A/C Suit-Up?
We don’t know what’s worse. The fact that this child (and, as you’ll soon discover, a slew of others) was dressed up in an actual watermelon? Or the fact that he was dressed up in this particular fruit because the temperatures were too unbearable?
In an article by Buzzfeed, it was revealed that, due to an intense heat wave rolling through China, many people were putting their kids in watermelons as a way to actually cool them down.
What about air-conditioning? If you don’t have A/C, then what about fans? Whatever happened to drinking cold water to lower your body temperature?
In the photos above, the “watermeloned” child was ostensibly the first kid to show up in Wenzhou to be “watermeloned.” While we’re still trying to figure which one is exactly worse, we know that the following is pretty horrible. Buzzfeed was not only condoning this behavior at the end of the article, but was actually giving out advice to parents who were thinking of doing the same thing to theirs, saying to beware of watermelon allergies. Gee, thanks.
11. My Baby Is A Meth Dealer
Two horrible things happened during the photoshoot above. One, this baby was dressed up as an ethically questionable, albeit bada*s character. And two, this baby was forced into multiple…yes…multiple outfits all at once.
Luckily, the story is an interesting one. While visiting a friend named Olivia in Indiana, photographer Karen Abad somehow found herself in a snowstorm. Even though that’s strange to experience in a state such as Indiana, what’s weirder is that Karen felt that the best way to pass the time was to dress up her friend’s 8-month-old daughter as her favorite TV show characters.
The endeavor was much more involved than you might think. It took Abad and her friend two days (not hours, but days) to create the sets, while Olivia sewed the costumes. But, she still had to take the photos. And that, luckily, took hours, not days.
Some of the characters that Olivia’s baby was dressed up as were adorable. But Walter White? Really? At least, Abad and Olivia didn’t get to do all of the things they were planning on doing: an Orange is the New Black-themed photoshoot. Make your child look like a fictitious criminal? Great.
10. Rip It Open
Yes, this is another food entry. But is ketchup really food? It’s more of a condiment for food than actual “food, food.” Anyway, we’re not going to defend why “babies as food” is a weird theme. We will, however, defend just how “off” a ketchup packet-themed one is, though.
The fact that this costume has to do with ketchup isn’t what makes it so disturbing anyway. It’s the type of container that the baby is dressed up as, and the ways in which people open said container to get to the red gooey goodness inside that’s so messed up. In short, it involves tearing.
You can tear the ketchup in many ways. It’s up to you. The options are endless. You can stick to the manufacturer’s “guidelines” by only ripping the suggested area with the special markings. You can use your teeth. Or you can do whatever your heart desires.
9. Let’s Give Thanks For This Delicious Meal
What’s even more questionable than dressing your child up as odd forms of food is when you do so while surrounding him/her with actual food on a dining room table.
There’s no way to hide the overt allusions of cannibalism.
All of this is only exacerbated when the cannibalistic photoshoot revolves around a specific holiday that is known for stuffing your face with yummy goodness until you fall into a food coma (aside from giving thanks and remembering that ephemeral, yet highly important moment of peace between the pilgrims and Native Americans). That’s right, Thanksgiving.
This disturbing photo was actually featured alongside a plethora of other Thanksgiving-themed photos, a compilation that was thankfully comprised of different babies. Some of the entries were actually pretty darn adorable. A good one (read: cute and not off-putting in the slightest) depicted a boy dressed up as a living turkey. Another was of a little girl wearing a turkey beanie.
Being eaten alive would undoubtedly be an unpleasant experience. It not only causes the victim to experience a great deal of pain (do we really need to go into excruciating detail here?), but involves the victim coming to the very frightening realization that they are going to die (especially when the victim’s entire body is on the devourer’s meal plan and the “devouree” is aware of this).
The process of you being eaten is most likely worse if it’s happening in an unfamiliar environment or in one that normally wouldn’t be conducive to your survival if you stayed there for a long period of time.
To survive, we, as humans, need air. Living on land allows us to do this. But one place where we can’t breathe is underwater. If a human stays submerged for a prolonged period of time, he/she will die of suffocation.
As such, getting eaten alive in the water would undoubtedly be worse than it occurring on land because, underwater, you would have to contend with the additional sensation of drowning, in addition to the many other uncomfortable sensations that come with being consumed. And that’s what this photoshoot entails—a child being eaten by a sea creature.
7. Kid Trap! Kid Tested…Mother Approved
The purpose of a mousetrap is as clear as the name implies—to trap a mouse. That being said, the complete scope of the resulting effects that proliferate from the trap’s initial act of trapping the said mouse are actually omitted from the device’s ostensible purpose-identifying designation. This is especially the case when the name is referring to the inchoate form of the trap, one that once played an essential comedic factor in early cartoons and that, consequently, is what the “costume” in the picture portrays.
The early model’s method of entrapment was done in a rather cruel way, and it was all contingent on enticing rodents with food, normally cheese. The basic premise behind the trap’s rudimentary design was to get the rodent to scurry onto the trap. On the floor of the trap was normally some sort of switch that, after weight was applied to it, would release a spring-loaded bar that would come down on the area where the rodent would hopefully still be in, killing it immediately.
6. *Sniff, Sniff* Mmm. Smells Good. What’s Cookin’?
Lobster is delicious. In today’s society, it is regarded as a delicacy. And rightfully so. But eating this specific shellfish comes with a price, and that price is potential moral consequences, not monetary (even though they are hella expensive).
Like any other animal, in order to eat it, you have to kill it, unless you’re some twisted sicko who enjoys feasting on the flesh of the living as they squirm.
One of the major steps that’s involved in killing the lobster is by putting it in a bowl of boiling water. This can be accomplished inhumanely or humanely. The latter involves ensuring that you dunk the critter head first into the liquid inferno for obvious reasons—instantaneous death. Despite this truth, it’s still a major part of the process that many people struggle with (but not enough to stop eating them).
As such, this particular family is exemplifying this atrocious moment with this photo. Of course, it’s more lighthearted by poking fun at the obvious warmness that boiled water generates by making it appear as though their child is basking in its heat (and enjoying it thoroughly), but it’s still the idea behind it that’s bothersome.
5. Little Baby Sat On A Wall…
Everyone knows this particular nursery rhyme. What’s interesting, however, is that the character known as Humpty Dumpty is not explicitly described as a personified egg, even though he is typically portrayed as such, especially in Lewis Carroll’s 1872 story, Through the Looking-Glass.
Regardless, that’s how he normally appears in any such reference. And more importantly, the real crucial bit of information that we should be focusing on is that Humpty Dumpty, after having foolishly sat on a wall, falls, an act that was so “great” that, either from the force of the descent from the wall or from the impact, other people (the king’s horses and king’s men) tried to put him together again, which can only mean that he had fallen apart. The real tragedy is that their efforts of putting him together failed, seeing as the rhyme says that they couldn’t put Humpty together again.
That’s what makes this particular photo so chilling. From what we know about what this child is dressed up to represent, the understood followup to this picture would be, if it were part of a reenactment, the child falling and then other people trying to put that child back together again after no longer being together.
4. Little Joey, The Cannibal
Those who are vastly familiar with pop culture know that the character that the parents of the pictured child is representing is Dr. Hannibal Lector from a series of suspense novels by Thomas Harris.
Hannibal, however, is known mostly due to Anthony Hopkins’ portrayal of him, a performance that earned him an Academy Award in the film The Silence of the Lambs.
What makes the “costume” such an obvious allusion to Anthony Hopkins’ role as Hannibal is the restraining outfit (most notably, the protective mask) that the child is dressed in, one that Anthony’s character was filmed wearing when in transit, so that, one, he wouldn’t escape (or make it less likely that he would) and, probably more importantly, two, so he couldn’t hurt those around him even while still in captivity, seeing as Hannibal was rather apt at not just utilizing the environment around him to suit his immediate needs, but at manipulating those within earshot to do his bidding, even if it meant hurting themselves or worse, prove fatal for them.
3. Abusive Parenting Cover Up?
This picture was taken from a story from thedailytop.com about parents who dressed up their babies as adult careers. This is disturbing on so many levels, especially when you consider the second part of the title—“One Day He’ll Become One Of Them.” Why is this troubling? Well, because this implies that the parents are hoping that their child will become the professional they dressed him/her as.
Some of the featured careers in the article are ones that most parents would be thrilled about their children obtaining, such as a lawyer and surgeon. Others were weird—surfer, cardinal, and monk.
We don’t have to tell you why hoping your child will become a boxer is a bad thing. But what’s even more disturbing is that the baby in this picture looks like he has a black eye. We hope that it’s fake. But still. It’s a little unsettling to see a photo of a newborn exploiting a potentially real black eye?
2. My Little Nazi
Identifying who the baby is dressed as is unmistakable. Aside from the unmistakable insignia and the equally recognizable uniform on which the former resides, the toothbrush mustache—known for the majority of the hair being shaved at the edges, of which are shaped vertical, not tapered, leaving a remaining three to five centimeters of hair above the center of the lip—gives it all away, due to the person who popularized (and in turn demonized) the style upon his death.
It is Adolf Hitler, Führer of Nazi Germany from 1934 to 1945, who was responsible for the mass genocide of the Jewish people, an extermination of at least 5.5 million Jews and millions of other victims that became known as the Holocaust. As the initiator of World War II, Hitler is responsible for the deaths of 29 million soldiers and civilians, of which an estimated 19.3 million were civilians and prisoners of war. It’s due to these numbers why WWII, including its immediate surrounding events, was constituted as being the deadliest conflict in human history.
Does this really need an explanation? A parent’s worst nightmare should be the death of their child. Plain and simple. We’re not saying that the parents of this unfortunate child don’t share this fear. It’s just that they have dressed him up in a way that portrays a moment that, if real, would mean his undoubted certain death.
Most of the outfit is innocuous, and even adorable, if the blatantly inappropriate addition wasn’t part of it.
When attempting (heavy emphasis on “attempting”) to block out the offensive material, it looks as though their child is dressed up as, what appears to be, a chicken. The difficulty behind endeavoring to identify the source of the outfit’s initial form of representation is due to the aforementioned distasteful portion of the costume and the expansive area to which it manifests. It’s obvious that a foreign object is protruding from the child’s stomach, and the violence of the protrusion suggests that the boy has sustained irreparable harm and will undoubtedly die as a result.
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