Adopting can be one of the most selfless acts a person can do. Not only are you growing your own family, but you’re giving a child a chance at a better life. Deciding to have children can be a difficult choice, after all, it’s a huge commitment. Some people aren’t able to have a child of their own and choose to adopt. Though that’s certainly not the only reason why parents adopt. Some people just want to help a child in need. Either way, it’s a life-changing decision.
The people who choose to adopt are those that want to give a child a wonderful home to grow up in instead of being stuck in foster care. You might think that it would be the most wonderful decision they could ever make, and for most people it is. But not every situation is looked at with rose-colored glasses. Even after the lengthy process, the background checks, and cost of adopting, some parents, unfortunately, end up regretting it. Whether it’s because they weren’t fully prepared for the emotional ramifications or it was more of a financial burden than they expected, some people are just miserable about the decision entirely. You might be surprised to hear some of the reasons why parents wished they hadn’t adopted, and we’ve put together 15 of the most shocking ones we could find.
15. She Has Too Many Children
Many of us grow up thinking of having a large family and in today’s society, it can be hard to pull that off. Having a large family can be a huge expense these days and many people don’t think it through enough. “I adopted five kids and now I regret it because I’m not as great of a mom as I thought I would be.” We’re not sure what that means, but she certainly has a handful of kids. The idea of adopting five kids may seem like a selfless act in which you would be proud of, but the reality of the situation is, five kids is a huge responsibility for anyone and that can cause a lot of stress. It’s definitely a hard statement to confess.
14. She’s Autistic
Adopting a child and then finding out that they have severe disabilities can be shocking, to say the least. It not only means a lot of sacrifices for your whole family, but it can make the parents feel helpless at times. “For all the hard years, the life-changing sacrifices we all had to make because of Louise, not much has actually been achieved. Robert and I, and our two other children, have suffered a great deal with and for Louise to get her to this point. We’ve spent a lifetime fighting the authorities and pen-pushers who were supposed to help her, and the harsh reality is that it has not been worth the little she has gained. The raw, difficult truth is that had we known what life with Louise would be like, we would not have adopted her.” That is a very honest confession and one that couldn’t have been easy to admit.
13. The Miserable Child
Sometimes, when an older child is adopted, they come with some baggage from the past. Hopefully, through the love of a family, these things can be overcome. “I regret adopting my oldest daughter. We expected some issues, but it gets so tiresome when there are just more issues every day. She’s miserable to be around. I hate being in my own home when she’s around.” That’s not the easiest thing to hear, and we don’t know if these parents have tried counseling, but clearly, the oldest child is a very unhappy person. There are always issues with any child and it’s a parent’s job to love them and guide them in the best possible way. A child with emotional or mental issues can seem overwhelming for any parent and talking to a counselor could certainly help them get through what we hope is just a difficult stage.
12. Unable To Cope
Claire Patterson was a parent who adopted a child that had severe disabilities. He was diagnosed with severe brain damage and sometimes, he would have up to 36 seizures a day. Unfortunately, Patterson made the very difficult decision to return the child to the adoption agency. “Before taking him, Claire was told the boy had a ‘mild developmental delay’ — not uncommon in children who have spent time in care. Yet she quickly discovered that his problems were a lot more serious, and after suffering 36 seizures in a single day, the child was belatedly diagnosed with brain damage. A single mother, Claire had stated from the outset that she could not cope with a disabled child — but that is what she was given, and she could not cope, just as she had predicted.”
11. She Hates Her Kids
Now that’s pretty harsh. We can understand being overwhelmed in a difficult situation, but this confession is definitely disturbing. “I hate my marriage. I regret adopting 5 kids. My life is ruined because of them. I hate them all.” It’s true that some people should just never be parents, and there is a strong case for this woman. It’s not even just her children she hates, but her marriage as well. Maybe she’s someone who just wishes she were single again. Parenting is hard no matter who you are, and some days, everything just seems to go wrong. But there are also the days when there is so much love and you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Let’s hope this woman was just having a bad day. We wouldn’t want to be in her situation, that’s for sure.
10. Dark Disturbing Memories
This one confessor doesn’t believe adopting children is anything at all like having your own children. “All three of our children are adopted, and with half a lifetime’s experience of caring for them, I can categorically say that, despite the fiction peddled by social services, adoption is not ‘like having your own.’ Adopted children are different — not less loved, but different. They and their new families live with the shadowy figures of the first parents and families always in the background. Some of these shadows are a force for good. More often, they harbor dark, deeply buried memories and have a truly awful influence.” Well, that certainly gives us something to think about. Adopting is not an easy decision and you have to look at it from both sides. For many families, adopting has been a blessing, while others haven’t had the same experience.
9. Different Race
You would think after all this time that race wouldn’t matter, but unfortunately, there are cases where many people don’t agree with interracial families. In the case of this woman, she’s regretting adopting a white child. “I’m black and I adopted a white child, I regret it because of all the weird stares and questions that she’s going to get in the future.” This is a heavy confession that is a tricky thing to talk about in society today. There may also be many adoptive parents who are in the same boat and who have to deal with the same issues. Angelina Jolie adopted many children of many different races, and we wonder if she too has to deal with awkward stares. In the end, all children deserve to be in a loving home. A parent should be okay with tackling these issues before they consider adopting a child.
8. She Screams All The Time
When adopting, it’s a given that if you’re adopting an older child, there may be some emotional problems from their past. This woman was told by Children’s Services that all the child needed was love, but they feel like they got much more than they asked for. “Louise, we were told, was showing ‘early signs of disturbance’ after a year in a children’s home. But this was because of emotional deprivation, said the social workers, and that could be cured, magically, with a little TLC. And then life quickly disintegrated. Louise was hyperactive — not just a bit over-excitable, but clinically hyperactive. She rarely slept, which meant no one else did, and there wasn’t a minute of the day or night when she wasn’t moving about or making a noise. She didn’t talk. She screamed day and night, a sound that is still engraved in my brain.”
7. Her Own Personal Hell
We’re not sure that we would ever call adopting a child a personal hell, but this woman did. What’s worse was that she was talking about her own family members. No one wants to see their family members enter the foster care system, but in this case, she got children who were going through hard experiences. “I adopted my cousins out of foster care and I regret it so much. The past 3 years have been my own personal hell.” We’re not sure why it was so terrible for her to take in her cousins. It would have been a selfless act indeed, but some people do these things out of guilt and maybe she wasn’t ready for the responsibility.
6. She’s Psychotic
Finding out that a child that you adopted had a severe mental illnesses can be a scary thing. In this case, the child was deemed psychotic later in life and hospitalized, though Social Services kept telling the parents that there was nothing wrong with the child aside from normal behavioral issues leftover from her parents. The parents spent years living a nightmare because the child was so out of control, they could never go to Christmas dinner and the mother often left the house in tears wishing she never had to go back. “And now I have two great regrets. One is that I wasn’t with my mother when she died — but she knew I loved her, so that is only my second regret. Adopting Louise and keeping her is my greatest regret. And that is the honest truth.”
5. Her Partner’s Wishes
You should only adopt if it’s what both you and your partner wants. No one should be guilted into adopting a child because someone else wants it. That’s just a recipe for disaster. “I have regretted adopting this baby from day 1, but it’s what my partner wanted.” The sacrifices we make in relationships should never involve children. It’s a huge responsibility and not one to undertake if you are not fully committed to it. We hope that this person will be able to accept the situation and see the good in it for the sake of everyone involved.
4. She Wants A New Life
This mother regrets adopting her children entirely. She feels that they have prevented her from having the life she really wanted. It’s a tragic situation and no good can come out of a scenario where the mother feels this way. Imagine the vibe that she’s giving off to her children. “I regret adopting my children. They hold me back from doing anything. Sometimes I daydream about how wonderful my life would have been without them.” That’s certainly a terrible thing to say about your own children. Adopting, or having children, in general, is a big decision, and it should be thought through carefully.
3. She’s Too Young
This girl had to take in her siblings after their abusive mother lost them to Social Services. She’s only 22 herself, and really just beginning her life. She’s way too young for the responsibility and she regrets taking them in. “I adopted my brother and sister (12 and 13) when my abusive mother gave them up. I’m only 22 years old and sometimes, I really regret it. I feel horrible that I feel that way.” There is a lot of baggage in this situation, clearly, and we really can’t blame her for how she feels. She got put into a situation that she didn’t ask and wasn’t prepared for. We hope that she’ll be able to find her way and some sort of a support system. The mother should be ashamed of herself for being the type of mother that would put her children in this situation in the first place.
2. She Ruined Her Marriage
This woman is not only blaming her adopted daughter for ruining her marriage and her life, but also for driving her to alcoholism. “I regret adopting my daughter every day of my life. She is 17 now and about to have a child of her own. She held me back and destroyed my relationship with my husband. She led me to drinking.” This is a pretty heavy confession. We’re not sure what went on between this mother and daughter to make her feel this way. Was the child troubled when they adopted her? It’s not fair to blame a child for your problems, and the fact that the child is now pregnant as a teenager is not a great sign of what her future holds. We hope this family can get the help it needs.
1. They Are Entitled
This woman regrets adopting her children because she feels they are entitled when they shouldn’t be. “With all the entitled behaviors, I sometimes regret adopting children with huge emotional needs from my own state.” We’re sure her children were grateful to have a home, but that doesn’t mean they’re going to going turn out exactly how you imagined. Children, regardless of whether they are biological or not, can grow up feeling entitled, and perhaps, it has more to do with her parentings skills than the fact that they’re adopted.
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