15 Messed-Up Rules Attractive Trophy Wives Have to Follow

So, you’ve always wanted to be a trophy wife? We get it; we’re not going to judge. Trophy wives get to live a life of luxury without really contributing financially. You’ll be dining out in expensive restaurants, shopping on Rodeo Drive, and having brunch with your girlfriends. You won’t have to work for a living; you just have to raise the children and always be perfect. It doesn’t sound so hard, right? There are some negative connotations to the term trophy wife because people assume you’re just lazy and are a gold digger. But the rich men of today no longer just grab a busty blonde and make her his wife, there is a new breed of trophy wives and their expectations may be a little steep for you. Obviously, looks are always going to be a part of the package and if you don’t fall into that category, you may want to consider getting some education. But it’s also not just about looks any longer.

Being a trophy wife may not be as easy as you think it is, there are some rules that need to be followed. As well as requirements that are put in place before you could even be a trophy wife. These men feel that they are deserving of the ultimate prize and they usually get what they want. Not everyone has the qualifications and you may want to check out this list before you even think about it. Check out these crazy rules attractive trophy wives have to follow.

15 They Have To Be Educated

We know what you’re thinking. “Aww, man that was the whole reason I wanted to be a trophy wife, to avoid going to school.” Yeah, tell us about it. Unless you can keep him in the sheets from morning to night at some point he’s going to want to talk to you. You have to be able to hold a conversation with a man who is likely highly educated and used to having highbrow conversations. If the best that you can come up with is the latest rundown on an episode of Desperate Housewives of Whatever County, then you’re going to be in big trouble. If you just dropped out of high school and decided to get yourself a rich man instead, then you might want to walk yourself back to English class.

14 They Have To Be Young

Sorry, to all the cougars out there but this is a rule that rarely gets reconsidered. The twenties are the prime trophy wife age, and even if you’re 28, that’s still okay. If you are encroaching on your mid-thirties, however, you are less likely to be chosen as a trophy wife. It sucks, we know but those are the rules. There are always exceptions to the rule of course, but you have to be bringing a lot more to the table than just your looks. When it comes to being a trophy wife the rule is, the younger, the better. It’s never a surprise in Hollywood when we see a 20 or 30 age gap between high-level executives and their wives. It’s just the name of the game, so when you get your high school diploma start interacting in social circles that matter.

13 They Have To Be Charming

This comes into play in social situations. Gone are the days when you can just show up pretty on the arm of a rich man. The elite of this generation wants a wife that can charm the pants off of anyone in a social situation. They don’t want to bring the “dumb blonde” to the party and have her embarrass him. Wealthy men usually have a lot of social engagements and events that they go to throughout the year. He wants to make his colleagues jealous in more than one way. He wants a girl that can be adaptable in all social situations. It’s starting to sound like a lot of hard work, isn’t it? Another helpful hint if you’re someone that needs to pregame just to alleviate nervousness at these events. We would not recommend it; it’s likely going to end in disaster. Drink responsibly.

12 There's Just Something About Blondes 

We’re not here to anger anyone we’re just stating the rules and like most rules sometimes they aren’t fair. When it comes to choosing a wife, race is an important factor in the selection process. It’s probably not surprising to hear that white women with blonde hair are the top matches to be a trophy wife. There is just something about a young blonde wife that tickles the fancy of men. Of course, we can certainly take into account the fact that men do have different preferences but as an average white woman will take the cake. African-American women rank the lowest as choices for a trophy wife. Don’t kill the messenger; we agree that it’s unfair but those are the rules for trophy wives, we didn’t make them up. Just google trophy wife, and see for yourself.

11 You May Have To Marry An Old Man

If you want billions of dollars at your disposal you might have also to consider the fact that you’re not going to get Christian Grey. I know, right? That totally sucks. Sure, wouldn’t we all like to marry the young, gorgeous rich guy but unfortunately that’s not always the way that it works? Sometimes you get the millions, but you also have to sleep with men that are bald, fat or four times your age. We suppose you have to decide what you’re able to live with. If you are lucky enough to marry a handsome young guy, then that’s amazing. But you have to consider the fact that in order to be rich you way have to date the guy with the huge beer belly. When it comes to nabbing your dream life you may have to lower your standards when it comes to height, personality, physical attractiveness and age.

10 No Tattoos Or Piercings

Kate Upton shows off her shapely backside while Justin Verlander looks on when they arrive at her 24th birthday celebration at The Blond hosted by Carine Roitfeld in New York.

Pictured: Kate Upton, Justin Verlander Ref: SPL1298563 090616
Picture by: Jackson Lee / Splash News

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Are you really surprised? When have you ever seen a trophy wife with sleeve tattoos? C’mon. When it comes to piercings and tattoos, there is still some stigma attached to it and many people still think they are trashy. So, if you are covered in tattoos or have an eyebrow ring, you might as well forget your goal of being a trophy wife. You have to be a trophy, one that your husband can take with him and show off. He's not going to take you to a gala when you have tattoos all up and down your arms. It’s just unrealistic. Now if you have small tattoos somewhere that no one can see but him, he may be okay with that, but large tattoos that are visible just are not going to fly with that lifestyle. It’s just another one of those unfair rules.

9 Dress To The Nines All the Time

When it comes to being a trophy wife, you have to look the part and that means you can’t dress slutty or trashy, regardless of how foxy your favorite dress is. You’re going to have to wear designer clothing and look done up all the time. That means no wearing sweats at the grocery store. You never know who you will see and you have to look your best at all times. If you used to dress a little slutty in your pre-wife days, then those days are over. You’re not a Playboy bunny, so your clothing has to be appropriate. No rich man is going to marry a girl who looks like an escort. It’s just never going to happen. Being foxyand classy isn’t about showing off all your goodies. You can be foxy while still keeping your boobs in your dress as well.

8 No Kids And No Ex-Husbands

TROPHY WIFE - "Trophy Wife" stars Malin Akerman ("Suburgatory") as Kate, Bradley Whitford ("The West Wing") as Pete, Marcia Gay Harden ("Into the Wild," "Damages") as Diane, Michaela Watkins ("Saturday Night Live") as Jackie, Natalie Morales ("90210") as Meg, Ryan Scott Lee ("Super 8") as Warren, Albert Tsai ("How I Met Your Mother") as Bert and Gianna LePera ("Modern Family") as Hillary. "Trophy Wife" is written and executive-produced by Emily Halpern & Sarah Haskins, executive produced by Lee Eisenberg & Gene Stupnitsky ("The Office"), produced by Malin Ackerman. The pilot was directed by Jason Moore ("Pitch Perfect," "Avenue Q"). "Trophy Wife" is from ABC Studios. (ABC/Peter "Hopper" Stone) MALIN AKERMAN

Now if you’re in your twenties it’s highly unlikely that you have either of these unless you are a teen mom. So, you may have nothing to worry about. If you are, then forget being a trophy wife. Wealthy men don’t typically like baggage being brought into the marriage. Again, there are always exceptions to the rule, but this one is certainly rare. They don’t want ex-husbands showing up or kids who aren’t theirs. When it comes to the elite, they don’t typically like drama or scandals. They are often out in the public eye and they don’t want to have to explain weird situations. Unfortunately, they just aren’t interested in another man’s baggage. So, unless you are starring in Maid in Manhattan, it’s unlikely that a single mother who was previously married is going to be the next trophy wife.

7 They Have To Be Adventurous

Well, you had to know that this one was coming. We’re not saying that you have to put on a show that is the likes of Fifty Shades of Grey we’re just saying if you’re like a dead fish in the bedroom, it’s going to be trouble. Many trophy wives have confessed over the years that it was their bedroom abilities that helped them seal the deal in the first place. If you knock his socks off in the bedroom, then he’s likely to come back for more. But once you are officially his trophy wife he’s going to expect you to perform the same way. Otherwise, he’s going to find himself a mistress to take care of his needs. Or worse divorce you and replace you then all your work is gone for nothing. There’s no way around it; intimacy is always going to be part of the deal so you may as well enjoy it too.

6 They Have To Spend A Lot of Time At the Gym

Having a nice body is just as important as being beautiful when it comes to being a trophy wife. These girls are largely married because they have fit bodies and they are drop-dead gorgeous. It’s just the way that it is. Looks are one of the main reasons why men marry trophy wives in the first place, so make sure you get yourself a personal trainer or a gym membership because you’re going to need it. His expectations are high and really if all you have to do is look nice all the time to live a lavish lifestyle, then it’s really not that hard to do. There is no such thing as overweight trophy wives or trophy wives who are allowed to “let themselves go.” Unless you want to be replaced quickly, we suggest you get used to going to the gym all the time.

5 They Have To Be Sane And Safe

So, what does this mean? It means that a wealthy and successful man isn’t going to marry someone that’s insane. I know what you’re thinking, we too have watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and most of those girls are insane. But again, there are exceptions. If a guy knows that you are insane before he marries you, then you don’t have a chance. He’s just not going to being that drama into his life. But if you’re lucky enough to get your crazy through the door without him noticing then you’re okay. Though if you start behaving like some of these housewives, like flipping tables in a high-class restaurant then expect him to put you on a tight leash. The husbands on those shows aren’t necessarily billionaires and some of them have little to do with the drama on those shows. It’s not exactly reality.

4 No Criminal Background

This one we feel should be a little self-explanatory. It’s just highly unlikely for a guy to want a wife that has a criminal background. No matter how hard you try to hide those skeletons in your closet, they are bound to come out. That’s just what it’s like living in the world of the wealthy. Those people rarely get to keep their secrets. A wealthy man doesn’t want to illicit scandals in his life because it’s embarrassing for him. When it comes to a criminal record, you don’t stand a chance unless you change your name and start over. If you have a criminal record, we suggest that you do that because the last that a successful man wants to do is to explain to the people in his circle why you stole that Louis Vuitton purse or worse murdered your ex-boyfriend.

3 They Have To Spend A Lot Of Time Alone

This Is the Kyle Erika Loves to See The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

It’s a little heartbreaking, but it’s true. Wealthy and successful men aren’t really known for taking time off. The reason they are so successful is that they work all the time. So, trophy wives have to make sure that they have their own circle of friends so that they have someone to talk to. They have to be okay with being alone, and maybe some of them don’t even care. For the girls that are married to old men that are overweight then maybe they prefer their husbands not to be around as much. But if you’re a trophy wife looking for love you might want to reconsider. It’s likely that you will only see your husband between the hours of 10 pm and 6 am. For most trophy wives, they have to hunt down their husbands and they usually get the receptionist who informs them that he’s in another meeting.

2 Dealing With Haters

The only terrible aspect of being a trophy wife is always to have to look over your shoulder. There will be women out there who despise you just for who you are. There have been trophy wives who have knocked other trophy wives off their pedestal and took their place. That’s why they always have to be at the top of their game because there are plenty of women out there willing to take their place. Trophy wives have to also watch out for the women who are super nice to them all the time because they could have ulterior motives. Like trying to sleep with your husband, for example, the world of the wealthy can be a shifty one at times. They deal with a lot of bad mouthing and backstabbing and at times they never really know who their true friends are.

1 They May Have To Accept A Mistress

THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS -- "Reunion" -- Pictured: (l-r) Eileen Davidson, Erika Girardi -- (Photo by: Nicole Weingart/Bravo)

Now, this isn’t always the case; it’s really dependent on the kind of guy that you marry. But it wouldn’t be the first time that a wealthy guy had a wife and a mistress AND they both knew about each other. Sometimes there are agreements in marriages where the wife just looks the other way when it comes to her husband sleeping with another woman. They either don’t want to rock the boat or don’t want to end up divorced with no money. Whatever the reason is, some trophy wives just accept their fate and just live separate lives from their husband. It’s hard to believe that a husband would need a mistress if he already has a trophy wife, but as we know, it happens all the time. Hollywood especially is notorious for men cheating on their gorgeous wives with other women.

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