We’re all guilty of lying at some point in our lives. We lie for many different reasons, whether it’s a little white lie to get you out of an uncomfortable situation or position, or even telling a small lie not to hurt someone’s feelings, these are every day occurrences. Then there’s the big guns — the lies that get us into trouble, the tangled web of lies we sometimes weave.
That brings us to the stereotypical relationship between a husband and wife. Both parties are guilty of telling their fair share of lies at one point or another. But — we’ve seen it portrayed in countless movies, TV shows, and even books; the lies husbands tell their wives.
It can be something as little as, “Oh I’m stuck in traffic, honey, I’ll be there soon.” When he’s running a bit late. Or it can go to a higher extreme like, “I was listening, I promise.” When she’s trying to have an important conversation with him.
Regardless of the meanings and intentions behind them, husbands still try to get away with things no matter how serious or mundane they may be. Some wives fall for it and some don’t. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter the magnitude of the lie, it’s still a lie.
As long as we have marriages and relationships, these lies won’t stop. As a result, these are the 15 most common lies husbands tell their wives and the reasons behind them.
15. No You Don’t Look Fat In That
“Honey, do I look fat in this dress?” Alright, this is it. The question you’ve trained for and feared has finally left her mouth. This is such a delicate and tender question. Honestly, answering it is like dismantling a high tech bomb that’s only seconds away from exploding. There’s only one right answer, and you better say the right one if you value your life. In a way, this question is number one on the unofficial husband test. Out of all the lies men could tell their wives, women would most likely accept this one.
Regardless of what she’s wearing, or whether she’s looking for the truth or not, he will most likely respond with, “No, honey, of course you don’t look fat in that!” And we can definitely sigh in relief, because that bomb has been dismantled — for now. Undoubtedly, this is the easiest lie men tell their wives.
14. I Love Your Friends
We’ve all heard the ancient proverb, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” — The Spice Girls, circa 1996. Over a decade later and it still rings true. No matter how annoying, infuriating, or obnoxious their cackles are when they’ve had too much to drink during one of their girl’s nights, there’s nothing else to do except grin and bear it. These are the people that are closest to her, besides her family; she turns to them when she needs to talk about her husband, or anything that she can’t really talk to him about. As her most influential and important confidants, any husband would want them on his side.
So when his wife comes into the family room as he’s watching TV and says, “Honey, do you mind if I have the girls over tonight?” He’ll push all of that internal dread aside and reply, “Sure, I love your friends.” Even though Kelly’s goose laugh makes him want to run and hide.
13. I’ll Do It Tomorrow
The lightbulb in the bedroom has been out for two days now. Sure, it’s a little darker in the room, but it’s nothing that needs tending to right away. They can live with the dim light until the weekend, when he’s home and feels like lugging up the ladder, climbing up and changing it. There’s only one problem, though. It’s Wednesday and she’s already asked him to change it — twice. He’s determined to put it off for at least two more days. He has to think fast and think on his feet, once she asks him again. “I’ll do it tomorrow,” was his quick reply, a little white lie that just might save him. She may roll her eyes, but hopefully that should placate her for a little while longer. Otherwise, he’ll be out in the garage lugging the ladder to the second floor a lot sooner than he thought.
12. I Was Listening I Promise
Men are notorious for having things go in one ear and out the other. It’s something that most wives have come to know and understand (sometimes), but nevertheless, the fact that their husbands don’t listen, still makes them incredibly angry.
It could be a casual conversation — talking about what went on at work that day, or a serious one — making plans, important dates, and news. Although we can’t throw men completely under the bus for being poor listeners, it does happen often enough.
In fear of her anger and starting a fight that they’ve had dozens of times about his lack of listening skills (or selective hearing, as she likes to call it), he slips in a little white lie to diffuse the situation. “No, honey, I was listening, I promise.” She’s not foolish enough to believe the lie, but that doesn’t stop husbands everywhere from telling it.
11. I Love Your Cooking
Not all lies that husbands tell their wives are said to get out of trouble, or get their wives to stop nagging them to do something, or even out of anger or malice. Sometimes, husbands tell these lies to spare feelings, or make her feel better. Lies aren’t meant to be for bad reasons all of the time anyway. After a long day at work for both of them, she still takes the time to help make sure they have something to eat for dinner. She tries her hardest to make something delicious, and even though he might not like it, it’s the thought and effort that counts.
Once they finally sit to have dinner, he tries to hide his grimace as he takes in all of the mushrooms mixed in with the pasta. He might hate mushrooms, but he’ll sure eat them anyway, just to make her happy. (And to avoid a fight, of course.)
10. I Love Your Parents
Something we see in many movies and TV shows is the age-old trope of husbands and mother-in-laws not getting along, much to the wife’s disappointment. Yes, he might have succeeded in marrying her daughter, but he still hasn’t won her over just yet.
One lovely Wednesday night when his wife comes home and announces her parents will be coming up to visit them for the weekend, and asks him if it’s okay with him. Internally, he’s dying, stomach filling with dread. He had big plans this weekend to do nothing. And well, that’s ruined now. Unfortunately for him, he doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter. To which he supplied, “that’s fine, I love your parents.” There’s nothing left to do but grin and bear it. It’s only for one weekend, he can definitely handle it. (Spoiler alert: just a few hours after their arrival, he can’t.)
9. I’m Sorry I Was In A Meeting
It was a warm summer afternoon and he and his co-workers decided to take an extended lunch break, and he opted to leave his phone behind in his office, wanting to enjoy lunch with his friends. When he gets back he notices his phone buzzing on the desk. Uh oh. Three missed calls from his wife AND several texts. He needed to think fast or she’ll definitely think he’s been ignoring her. A sudden and very important cell phone-ignoring meeting? Sure, that’ll definitely work.
She doesn’t need to know about some fabricated meeting, he is at work after all, it’s not a complete lie. Oftentimes, work can become the go-to scapegoat. Running late getting home? Stuck in a meeting. Missing her calls? Stuck in a meeting. She wants you to meet up with her and her parents for lunch? Oh, so sorry, stuck in a meeting. Problem solved easily.
8. I Completely Forgot
“I told you yesterday that I needed you to run to the store for me after work today! Yesterday! I needed those things to make dinner! Now what?” Of course he remembers the conversation — it was literally the day before. She needed something ridiculous like quinoa or spinach, something really healthy like that. So he just so happened to “forget” to go to the store after he left work. Whoops?
“I know, I’m sorry. I completely forgot.” He’s playing it up, putting his best puppy eyes and sad pout on. No, he didn’t forget, but maybe, just maybe if he convinces her that he really did forget, there’s a strong possibility he’ll get away with it, just this once, right?
7. I Only Had One Drink
Just like the girls, he likes to have nights out with his boys every now and again. He promised he was just going to have one drink and be good tonight. After all, the two of them have big plans early the next day, so he knows he can’t go crazy. Early mornings and a hangover are definitely a no-go. As the story goes, one drink turns into two, and two turns into three, so on and so forth. Before he knows it, he’s being driven home by his friend and stumbles through the door.
Immediately met with the disappointed look from his wife, he’s quick to defend his actions. “I only had one drink!” He might say he only had one drink when he was out with his boys, but he sure does smell like the whole bar. One thing’s for sure, he’ll regret his lie and his actions in the morning.
6. You Look Like You Lost Weight
Even though this is one of the most common lies husbands tell their wives — or any man in a relationship, really — it falls under the category of the “good” lies. (As good as a lie can get.) Although this statement may or may not be true, he knows that his wife has been working really hard on her diet — eating and cooking healthy, working out as much as she can, and overall making huge lifestyle changes. He knows it’ll give her the boost she needs right now. If anything, it’ll get him some brownie points if he’s in the dog house, and the best part: he won’t get in trouble when he’s in her good graces. Perfect. So he’ll throw in a, “You look like you lost weight, honey,” when she comes back from a long workout. Anything to make her smile just a little bit.
5. There Was A Lot Of Traffic
He’s running late, so incredibly late. He was supposed to meet his wife and their mutual friends at a restaurant for dinner, but naturally he lost track of time and left work way later than he was supposed to. He knows she’ll be mad — she made him promise not to be late.
He knew he needed to buy himself some time, so he decided to think on his feet. After much debate, he comes up with a lie that would hopefully smooth things over: there was an accident! Oh man. He was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic forever. It was awful, he thought as he sped over 90 down the highway. That’s why he’s so late. It wasn’t his fault at all. Yeah, that’ll do it.
4. It Wasn’t That Expensive
He just got home from running to the nearest Best Buy. He’s been wanting the newest gaming console for a while, and he finally decided to just go and get it. Even though his wife thought it was silly to get another one, he knew what he wanted and he couldn’t wait to set it up. He debated whether or not he should be hiding the evidence of the new system from his wife. But he just wanted to get his hands on it.
When she finally comes home and sees his newest purchase, she makes sure he knows how much of a waste of money it was and that they could be using it on something else. He slips in a little white lie, “it wasn’t that expensive!” It’s far from the truth, and whether she believes it is questionable, but hey; she makes irrational purchases too, right?
3. Did I Do Something Wrong?
She’s absolutely furious with him — actually, she’s beyond furious. There isn’t even a word for how mad she is right now. She asked him to do one thing; pick up the dog from the groomers before he got home and what happens? She gets home and she has a husband, but no dog. How could you forget a dog?!
This is a delicate situation, and he has to think carefully about how he plans to handle it. He plans to play coy, play it cool. What dog? Do they even have a dog? Right now he can pretend they don’t. He puts on his biggest sad eyes and looks at her innocently, “Did I do something wrong?” Oh, he knows what he did wrong. But maybe, just maybe, if he acts like an innocent, confused puppy himself, he can get out of it, right? Not this time.
2. I Told You This Last Week
He’s getting ready to head out to spend a night with some of his best bros. He’s about to grab his keys and his wallet to be on his way when she asks him where he’s going. Confused, he answers with a “going to the bar with the guys to watch the game and have some drinks.” Bells and alarms go off in his head when he sees the look on her face. It’s a mixture of angry, confused, and slightly upset. Not good, not good at all. Oh man, did he not tell her? He wracks his brain trying to remember if he did, and can’t come up with the conversation that he swore he had.
“I told you about this last week,” he supplies. Hopefully between the busy week that they both had she might actually think that he is telling her the truth. It seems to be his lucky day when she tells him to have fun, and not to be home too late. Touchdown!
1. I Can’t, I’m Swamped At Work
Out of all of the lies that men tell their wives, this one is a definite go-to for any husband (or any person really). One of the most popular lies, not to mention one that will work almost every single time it’s needed — work. The most perfect and easiest excuse in the book. Men will always use work as an excuse when they can.
He’s used this excuse before to get out of shopping with her at the mall, meeting her and her mother somewhere, or even if he just needs some time to himself. Work is work and most people don’t argue it so he knows he can stretch this lie much farther than his own wife. So, after a phone call explaining everything, he gets off the hook with no problem.
Besides, he will do anything that will get him out of holding her shopping bags at the mall.
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