It's fine to swerve every now and then from your relationship or marriage with your close friends. However, there's a fine line between friendship and infidelity. Friendship is a relationship of mutual happiness and support. On the other hand, infidelity is a violation of a couple's verbal contract regarding emotional and s*xual exclusivity. They're two completely different things.
Sure, life happens; and sometimes, life gets very messy because people mess up. But affairs never just happen out of the blue. Lots of people—both men and women—have to ask themselves what they can do to make their relationships with their partners or spouses better. A healthy relationship or marriage requires several things in order to foster intimacy. Those things include open feelings, romantic fantasies, and intentional encounters. The romance is enticing in the early stages of an affair, but many cheating partners end up having to deal with reality in the form of a wake-up call.
Not all cheating partners or spouses will feel guilty and apologize for their actions, but some of them will become disheartened. You can disagree all you want, but Johnny Depp's famous quote, "If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second," is indeed accurate.
From bouts of depression to falling for a best friend, many Reddit users have shared their reasons for cheating on the discussion website. So, let's take a look at 15 users who revealed their cheating confessions on how their affairs started.
15 Ending A Toxic Relationship
Teens are just starting to navigate the world of romantic relationships. Even if they have great guidance from their parents, teens can find themselves in a toxic relationship with no purpose.
A Reddit user reminisced about her previous relationship saying, "I was in a relationship where neither of us were happy. I met my ex bf 2 years ago. He was nice; he was funny; he was cute. We started dating. After a few months, he started to follow me. It was slightly creepy and I thought I just imagined it. But when I was with my best friend, he asked me when I went home last night "because I random drove by your house and your car wasn't there. That was around 2 in the morning." Well, after a huge fight because of this, I spent the night at my best friend's house. With a few bottles of wine and that deep, deep unhappiness...My best friend and I are together since almost a year and I couldn't be happier."
The user was aware her actions were wrong, but she had to do what's right for her.
14 Dealing With Insecurity
When a guy is insecure, he'll have difficulty falling in love and might resort to affairs as a way to self-medicate.
A Reddit user wrote, "I cheated on my current girlfriend by talking to another girl. Nothing really happened. Not so much as a nude photo was even sent, no 'I love yous' or nothing, just the possibility of leaving my current were talked about. She found out about it. I lied and made it even worse. But at the end of the day, we talked about it and she realized that I never felt valued or appreciated. I felt used and she's done her fair share of backstabbing herself and at no other point in time have I ever wronged her. Sadly, nothing's changed so far. She's still unemployed and does absolutely nothing and I still work my a** off all the fricking time. I'm down to one day a week now and I can't even pay all my bills."
The user is clearly worried about himself and is simply dragging things out because he wants to make his girlfriend feel the pain for her actions, but all he's doing is creating damage.
13 Getting Even
After you've discovered you've been cheated on, the thirst for revenge can transform even the sanest of us.
A Reddit user put out a few statements saying that he basically cheated on his girlfriend because he wanted to seek revenge for her doing it to him first and admitted that the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with was awesome. His affair was short-lived and only lasted for a couple of nights, but it made him feel good.
Retaliation affairs can sabotage the potential recovery of a relationship because it'll distract you from dealing with the actual issues that led to the affair in the first place. The relationship is likely already vulnerable, and you'll unlikely teach the cheating partner or spouse a lesson because it'll just make you look bitter. Getting even isn't the smartest choice because you can make them feel justified in having their affair, but to each their own.
12 Being Too Young To Know Better
Perhaps this Reddit user didn't know what love meant at the time.
He chronicled, "I was in a relationship for 3 years with my high school sweetheart. It was actually 3.5 years. But, whatever. It ended because I wouldn't take her back after what she had done with someone else. She lied to me whenever I asked if she'd done something. She looked directly in my face with her big eyes and lied to me. In that moment, I was filled with trust. Until I found out through my best friend. We texted each other. She texted me tough sh*t like 'its none of your business'. Though we weren't officially together when she committed her act, I didn't have it in me to keep her. When it came to her wanting to talk about it, I bid her farewell and let her go. We haven't interacted since. I didn't take her back or hear her out a final time."
It probably wouldn't be healthy for him to go back to the relationship anyway.
11 Avoiding Serious Medical Issues
The majority of Reddit users are young and male. The discussion website definitely saw one user at his candid best. He affirmed, "Not a married cheater, but I hope I never become one after recently finding out about my dad. To the best of my knowledge, he has carried on at least two long-term affairs with women in their 20's throughout my childhood. There are probably quite a few more skeletons in his closet, like high-end hookers or one night stands; but I don't even know if I want to find out about those. My mom has known for at least 3 years. For 2 of those years, she was battling cancer; and for all 3, she has had to put up with the sh*t I give her."
Cancer is a serious disease that can be treated so people can live longer lives. If you're in a relationship with a healthy person who fell ill, you should at least have the decency to leave them because serious medical issues are already a pain in the a*s.
10 Struggling With Depression
A Reddit user admitted to struggling with depression saying, "I cheated on my long-time girlfriend and was subsequently busted several years ago. I wish I could say that my girlfriend did something horribly wrong; but she didn't. I did it for incredibly selfish reasons. I went through a severe bout of depression and thought that the fresh and intimate connection of a new girl would help fix my mental health problems. It didn't. Not worth it."
Depression is more than feeling sad and going through rough patches. It's a serious mental health condition that requires medical care. Its effects can be devastating to the victims and their families if left untreated. About 16 million American adults had at least one depressive episode in the past year. People from all walks of life can experience depression. But with early detection and a successful treatment plan, the path to recovery is within reach.
9 Slumping Arranged Marriage
Future plans are something most of us have thought about at a young age. A Reddit user brought up future plans saying, "I'm 19 and I was in an arranged marriage with someone 25 years my senior. I got married when I was 18. It has to do with a lot of family politics and circumstances that I would rather not get into. But to make a long story short, for now, I'm seeing someone my age and he's aware of my status. As soon as I finish school and become self-sufficient, I plan on divorcing my husband."
There's a never-ending debate over love marriage versus arranged marriage. For every relationship to work, there needs to be empathy, respect, and unconditional love. In this case, the young lady started a new relationship to mask the damaged one. She didn't even try to work things out with her much older husband. In the end, any marriage—whether love or arranged—can be a success or failure.
8 Hating The Other Half
A Reddit user shared a bizarre story of how his ex-girlfriend cheated on him.
The user explained saying, "I wasn't the cheater. I was the cheated-on. She came over to hang out. She brought me food. Tacos. They had sour cream. She knew I don't like sour cream. I told her I wasn't going to eat it. I told her I'd leave it on the table for my mom and sis to eat. She flipped and stormed off. That night, she met up with her ex and cheated on me with him. So...she cheated on me because I refused to eat sour cream. Honestly, I was always good to her. Her cheating was not justified."
I agree with the user that the reasoning behind of his ex-girlfriend's cheating wasn't justified. She knew that he disliked sour cream, but she didn't accommodate his taste buds and mentioned the removal of it when she ordered the tacos. It's a win-lose situation in favor of the man.
7 Losing Interest In S*x
When looking back in her marriage, a Reddit user recalled, "I am a married woman having an affair with a married man. I was faithful for 15 years and then my husband lost all interest in s*x. No matter what I did or tried, he wasn't interested. I'm in good shape, take good care of myself, and above average in looks. I tried to get my husband to go to the doctor but he refuses. He is able to perform, just doesn't have an interest. I know it's nothing personal but it hurts to be rejected over and over again. I was starting to feel ugly and depressed. I thought about leaving but didn't want to do that to my kids. One night, the kids were at my mom's and I decided to surprise hubby with new lingerie. I put it on and sat down on the couch next to him. He ignored me and asked me to move because he was watching TV and I was in his way. He didn't even notice the $100 corset and panties I'd bought at Victoria's Secret and had been saving for a night with no kids."
As a result, the user cried in the restroom for an hour. After her husband went to bed, she created a profile on Ashley Madison to find a man who was open to dating her. She eventually found a man who was in a similar situation like her. They kept it strictly s*xual and met once a week in different locations—including his office after work hours. However, neither party wanted to tear their family apart, but they both filled in voids of s*x, which is what they both needed.
6 Working Away From Home
Work travel can be both a blessing and a curse.
In this Reddit post, a user breaks down his feelings saying, "Here's the deal. My wife and I have talked in the past about the fact that I get jealous sometimes when she travels for work. It's usually when she goes to conferences that have multiple late-night parties and stays out late. I'd call that my main trigger."
The user added that he was dealing with a new situation as his wife went to a trade show instead of a conference and hosted a booth. The men in her booth invited her for dinner at 5 pm, which triggered him, causing him to send her a text telling her to let him know when she got in her hotel room safe and sound. She didn't respond to him until 1:45 am. He didn't know how to cope with his feelings and had an urge to cheat.
5 Running Away From Conflict
Some people don't know how to deal with conflict in a relationship. As a result, they run away from conflict, which often leads to resentment.
A Reddit user acknowledged that she didn't love her boyfriend anymore. She went on saying, "I didn't love him anymore. It had been a year since we last had s*x or even kissed. It was an unhealthy relationship, to say the least. I went out one night and got too drunk and hooked up with someone. That's how I realized I didn't love them, because I didn't even feel guilty after. It was such a relief to experience human contact again. I ended things shortly after. He doesn't know. Telling him what I did would have made a bad breakup even worse. I am a human trashcan."
When someone commits to a romantic relationship, there will always be some sort of conflict. The user didn't seem to have brought up the no-kissing issue because the boyfriend was mentally unstable and allegedly got angry whenever she asked him for something more than a hug. They have very different conflicting ideas, which was why she cheated.
4 Sleeping With A Boss
A cheating boss can be just as bad as a straying partner or spouse.
A Reddit user recalled saying, "Walked in on my wife of 2 years in bed with her boss. I remember just kind of standing there in shock for a few minutes until she noticed me. When she saw me, I just turned around and left without saying a word. I don't remember much after that. I kind of blacked out for a few hours—lots of crying, begging to forgive her, etc. Packed my sh*t up and left the next day. Luckily, we didn't have any kids or a mortgage or any assets, so it was a clean break. In retrospect, I should have seen the signs, but I was young and naive...I guess."
The user saw the positives of the situation. But still, he didn't deserve to walk in on his wife cheating on her boss. That probably won't end up in a happily ever after anyway.
3 Getting Bored At Work
In a Reddit thread for married cheaters, a user described his affair after being bored at work one day. He stated, "I've been married for the last eight years to my beautiful wife. We have three kids, and I love them more than life itself. I work at a boring a*s office, and that's what started my problems. A female co-worker of mine started to become friendly, and we play around with each other just to make the day go by. This led to touching, flirting, rubbing, and eventually, it became intimate. It all happened so quickly that before I knew it, we were having s*x in the car before work, in the storage closets, and going on ’business trips' together. No guilt whatsoever; I never even really thought about it."
Despite the fact that people can lose their jobs, affairs are quite common in the workplace. People tend to mingle in the workplace, and if someone is intentionally or unintentionally seeking a connection, a fellow co-worker is likely to provide it.
2 Falling For An Older Woman
Toxic relationships can lead to breakups, but they can also lead to young men falling for an older woman. We've all heard the term "cougar," and although it may not be an epidemic, it's certainly on the rise. Most of the time, age gaps in relationships are far greater for people who marry later in life because they want girl toys or boy toys; but let's focus on young men who are attracted to older women.
A Reddit user said that his current relationship was toxic and that he had his eyes on a 37-year-old when he was 19. He claimed, "It was the craziest thing. I worked in the front desk at a clinic within the hospital. She would walk by every day at the end of her shift. She was a nurse on the floor above me. Always in her workout gear. I guess she always saw me checking out her a** when she walked by, idk. But one day, she handed me a napkin that said "Call me :*" and had her phone number. I nearly melted." He lived out his dream of dating an older woman.
1 Wanting An Older Man
May-December romances are a common trend in Hollywood, but they're often laced with drama in real life because one or both parties have to leave in messy cases.
A Reddit user–with a wife of 12 years along with two young children–wrote a contradictory post saying, "I love my wife. She is a great mother, a great provider for the family, and we make a great team when it comes to raising our kids. However, she leaves me feeling undesired. There was this new girl at work that I became friends with–nothing more–and talked to at work often. She was 17, and I told myself there was no way I was even flirting with or considering getting involved with this girl, even though I was starting to feel an attraction to her. Well, she turned 18. I told her then that we could become Facebook friends, and that led to exchanging numbers, which led to texting, which snowballed down the hill. One day, we went to a party at a friend's house with a bunch of co-workers, and in a drunken moment, I spilled the beans about having some emerging feelings for her. A week or two later, we kissed for the first time. And then made out."
The good news is that most of these issues can be handled, just like any other relationship issues...regardless of age.