15 Awkward Confessions From Harry Potter Fans

It’s fair to say that all fanbases have their weird side (and the bigger the phenomenon, the weirder it gets). In recent years, no franchise has created a stir or defined a generation quite like the Harry Potter universe. And to say that Potter fans are hardcore is putting it mildly. If fans aren’t reciting spells in everyday life or teaching their pet magic tricks, they’re spending their time fantasizing about being married to a character. Mega cringe.

As a 90’s kid, I enjoyed the adventures of everyone’s favorite boy wizard as much as the next person (if the next person happened to have read only 4 of the books and watched 5 of the films). True Potter fans or “Potterheads,” as they like to be known, not only know the books and films inside out, but they also spend their time perfecting their cosplay outfits for conventions, pouring over fan fiction, and having wild, lusty thoughts about every character under the sun.

Even 7 years after the last film was released, the global love for Harry Potter shows no signs of dying down. Some of the following Potterhead confessions range from the funny to the downright tragic and toe-curlingly awkward. Here are 15 of the weirdest things a Potterhead has ever admitted to…

15 “I Chose Our Wedding Day To Fall On Harry’s Birthday”

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Turns out that the happiest day of your life can sometimes be shared with a third person (particularly if you happen to have an unhealthy obsession with a certain boy wizard). One die-hard Potter fan admitted to the confession site that she deliberately chose her wedding day to be on the same day as Harry Potter’s birthday so that she would have an excuse to celebrate it every year. Yikes!

The worst part about this is: her husband doesn’t even know about it! Poor guy. Imagine crafting a beautiful love poem for her on their anniversary or surprising her with a romantic weekend away, only for his wife to be thinking about Harry Potter the whole time. Awkward. Nothing to ruin the mood quite like a birthday cake sing-along for a fictional character.

14 “I Joined A Support Group For One Of The Characters”

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Spoiler alert! The fact that you’re reading this article probably means you’re fairly clued-up on the Harry Potter series, but just in case you weren’t, you better look away now. As casual Potter fans are probably aware, Ron’s older brother, Fred Weasley, was unexpectedly killed off in The Deathly Hallows. Sure, it was sad to see a well-liked character go (particularly as Fred was one of the twins with his brother George), but it’s not like most of us held a vigil or anything.

One Potter nut took things a little bit further when they heard the news of Fred’s untimely death by joining a ‘Death Denial’ support group. (No, really). This level of devotion to a fictional character is either proof of J.K.Rowling’s masterful storytelling or that this fan needs to spend more time outside once in a while. One or the other...

13 “He Insulted Harry Potter? He Doesn't....”

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Rule numero uno when dating a mega Harry Potter fan: don’t ever insult the boy with the lightning bolt scar or anything to do with him as you probably won’t get that second date after all. One girl on the Whisper site pretty much confessed as much when she shared her Potter-related dating woe, “A guy I was talking to just insulted Harry Potter. These legs are superglued shut and he doesn’t get any. Ever.” Ouch.

We understand (sorta) how high emotions can run when you’re part of a fandom, but this is one of the most bizarre comebacks we’ve ever heard. Did no one ever tell this girl that opposites attract? The guy she was chatting to may have turned out to be the one and she turned him down for this? Pretty extreme.

12 “I Love Draco Malfoy More Than My Own Boyfriend”

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Ouch! Let’s hope the poor boyfriend in question never had to read this particular confession. Or maybe it’s better that he knew early on in the relationship before his Potter-obsessed girlfriend tells him she’s feeling frisky one night and surprises him with a bottle of platinum blonde hair dye and green Slytherin robes. We all have our list of crushes in any healthy relationship, but nothing about this confession is healthy!

Judging by the amount of fan fiction out there for Draco Malfoy, it looks like this Potter nerd isn’t the only one harboring an all-consuming love for his character, and that’s pretty disturbing. Most girls can’t resist a bad boy, but it helps if that bad boy actually exists in the real world (and if you aren’t already attached to someone who loves you). Awkward…

11 “I Made A Guy Wear Potter-Style Glasses"

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The guy this confessor was dating sounds like a real keeper because how many guys do you know who would be down with this super geeky request? So apparently, this whisper confessor was dating a guy who was the spitting image of Harry Potter minus the iconic glasses—so she made her fantasy complete by asking the poor dude to wear them while they made out. Not creepy at all.

I can’t imagine how awkward that must have been if he had said no, but good on him for playing along with this awkward fetish of hers. Presumably, she didn’t push her luck too far by asking to carve a lightning symbol into his forehead when the glasses stunt had worn off to really ‘heat things up’ during their make-out sessions! Cringe.

10 “Got In The Mood...While Watching Harry Potter”

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We all have different ways of getting into the mood. Nobody’s quite the same when it comes to being seduced...and Potterheads have their very own brand of weird, shall we say, foreplay (if this fan is anything to go by at least). One Potter fan girl revealed in a whisper confession that she 'did it' with a guy while watching a Harry Potter film. Saucy...

She even finished off the confession with the most unoriginal Potter-related s*x pun too: “I guess you can say he entered my chamber of secrets.” Brilliant. What man wouldn’t like to know that right in the middle of things, the girl he’s with was probably paying more attention to Harry’s wand technique than...well...being in the present moment? If a girl invites you round for ‘Hogwarts and chill’, I’d brace yourself for a pretty awkward night!

9 “I Sometimes Cry That I’m Not A Wizard”

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The full confession (because you need to hear the whole thing to fully appreciate it) was: “Sometimes, I cry when I’m high and watching Harry Potter because I’m not a wizard.” I think any kid who grew up with the Harry Potter franchise–in fact, most kids in general–would have loved to have magical powers and go to Hogwarts instead of their real school. But even then, I can’t imagine many crying about it.

It makes this confession even more hilarious then if you picture (as I am) a thirty-something stoned and crying into their throw pillow about the fact that they’ll never be able to make a feather levitate. I get their frustration, I really do, but not to this extent! Also, watching Harry Potter while high should surely enhance the magic, not plunge you into despair.

8 A Perfectly Legit Reason To Call In Sick

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I’m pretty sure we’ve all called in sick to work for a less-than-acceptable reason once or twice in our lives, but I can bet it’s never had something to do with your TV schedule that day. Yep, you guessed right. One obsessive Potterhead actually called in sick to their work simply because one of the Harry Potter films was on TV that day. “No regrets at all,” according to the confessor. Wow.

This is on a whole ‘nother level of geeky. Presumably, if they’re a Potter nerd in the first place, they already have every film on a special edition, uncut DVD, and Blu-ray collection...signed by the entire cast. But this is mere speculation, of course. Maybe they’d lent their box set to someone out of town and couldn’t possibly commit the sin of refusing a Potter film showing.

7 “I Trained My Dog With Harry Potter Spells”

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They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, so surely, you can’t teach a dog to do magic spells either, right? You’d think not, but apparently, one super Potter fan has spent time training her pet pooch to perform magic spells from the Harry Potter universe. He may not be able to flick his paw out and say “Wingardium Leviosa,” but he can roll over on command to a Potter spell, so that’s pretty impressive...I guess.

On the Whisper site, the Potter fanatic confessed, “I trained my dog with Harry Potter spells. If you say ‘Avada Kedavra,’ he rolls over and plays dead!” This happens to be the ‘Killing Curse’ spell used by Wizards of the Dark Arts, so we guess it’s pretty cute that her dog can react appropriately. A neat party trick (if you’re hosting a Potter movie night, that is).

6 “I Wish I Could Get Amnesia Just To Read The Books Again”

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When we’re so familiar with a film or book we love, it’s understandable to want to experience it all over again afresh—to have our memories wiped so we can enjoy something we love like it was the first ever time again. But this is usually meant as a figure of speech. Nobody wants to actually have amnesia just to rediscover a book they love, right? Apparently so, if you’re a Potterhead.

“I sometimes wish I could get a mild case of amnesia and re-read the Harry Potter series again,” is what one Potter geek confessed to on the Whisper site. Wow. As a hardcore Disney fan, I kind of agree that it might be cool to rediscover all the classics as an adult, but what else would “mild amnesia” entail? Would I also forget passwords and birthdays for the sake of watching Simba lose his Dad? Too awkward. Too painful!

5 “Harry Is The One Guy Who Never Let Me Down”

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Oh jeez. On the confessional site, one Harry Potter fan seems to have it so bad that, in her mind, no other man comes close to Harry, her half-blood Prince charming. She confesses: “I love Harry Potter. I grew up with him and he’s the one guy who has never let me down.” Yeah, that’s the thing with fictional people. You can’t really be let down by someone who doesn’t exist.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s great to have love for a fictional character, but speaking about them like they’re your one and only and the most trustworthy person in your life? That’s more than a little strange. And besides, Harry would ultimately let down most girls if he were a real person. He’s already in love with Ginny Weasley, isn’t he?

4 “I’m Naming My Kids After HP Characters”

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This is the kind of claim a lot of Potter fans have made. Other hardcore fan bases such as Game of Thrones have expressed a desire to name every child they have after a Stark or Lannister, and it seems that Potter fans are no different. The idea of naming your offspring after Harry Potter characters doesn’t sound too wacky, I suppose. Well, as long as you limit it to Harry and Ron, that is.

After this, the character names on offer for your future child sound a bit odd and are likely to result in a bit of playground teasing. Hermione? Bellatrix? Severus? And it probably wouldn’t end there. For the HP-obsessed generation of yesteryear will probably send their kids off to boarding school and buy them each an owl and joke shop wizarding gear to make Hogwarts seem more real.

3 “I Went To A Potter Convention Instead Of Prom”

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Being British, it isn’t for me to comment on proms, but in the US, prom night is seen as a pretty big deal. Almost like a rite of passage and as important a part of growing up as graduation. It’s quite a geeky revelation then that one Harry Potter superfan actually ditched her own school prom to go to a Potter convention instead.

I’m not sure how often Potter conventions are held, but considering the love for the “Boy who Lived” out there, they can’t exactly be a rare occurrence. Who’s to say she couldn’t have gone to both? In fairness, a Potter event sounds a lot like a prom–dressing in outfits and having pictures taken and things signed–but with the added bonus of drinking butterbeer and hang out with Hagrid. Swings and roundabouts.

2 “Whenever I Give People Advice, I Quote Harry Potter”

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The Harry Potter fandom is so huge and devoted that it’s not unlike a religion. In fact, it’s looking that way if fans are actually quoting lines from the books and films in place of traditional motivational sayings and proverbs! A generation of Star Wars super geeks managed to turn Jedi into a religion, and it looks like Potterheads could do the same one day.

One Potter geek shamelessly admitted that whenever people ask him for advice “about 95% of the time, I’m just quoting Harry Potter. They never notice.” I remember feeling quite inspired by a lot of Dumbledore’s speeches when I was younger, so this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But if you’re quoting mostly Potter language in everyday life, it might start to wear a bit thin before long!

1 “I Whisper ‘Lumos’ Whenever I Activate My Phone Flash Light”

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Casual and hardcore Potter fans alike have probably all tried this at some point either with a phone or genuine flashlight, but this fan in particular fan likes to do it all the time. He/She confessed, “I always whisper ‘Lumos’ when I activate my iPhone flash light so I can feel like I’m part of the Harry Potter world.”

This is the kind of thing that might seem cool the first few times, but after a while, you’re gonna feel like a bit of a tool. Plus, saying “Lumos” out loud might stop being cute the day you need to go exploring with your flashlight because you heard a sound coming from your kitchen at 3 am. Still, it is the closest thing that Potter fans have to a wand in the real world, so if it delights their geekish side, what’s the harm?

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