Nicolas Cage is an interesting guy. On one hand, you have movies like Leaving Las Vegas and Joe, where the man shows he has some real skills when needed. On the other hand, you have movies like The Wicker Man remake, where he genuinely comes across as one of the worst actors alive today.
How one man straddles the line between talented and talentless is beyond comprehension by most, but it somehow adds to his insane charm. The word “insane” is used because Nic Cage is literally insane. This is best demonstrated by some manic-seeming purchases the man made while acquiring his millions.
Keep in mind, while these may seem like awesome purchases to any nerd, they were all awful, terrible fiscal mistakes on his part, cemented by the fact that buying most of these things led to him losing all his money, having to claim bankruptcy, and in turn, selling it all at an auction. A sad story, but one we can all learn from. When or if we get rich one day, don’t buy a darn dinosaur skeleton.
10. A Dinosaur Skull
Okay, while we can all admit that a dinosaur skull in the office would be pretty cool to show off and brag about, the best of us know how awful an investment that is. The funniest side note about this is that he actually beat Leonardo DeCaprio in a bidding war for this at an auction (and many think it is stolen).
Here is the fine print about owning a 67 million year old skeleton: there is not a huge market for selling that back to someone at a profit, and it cost him almost $300,000. And for those curious enough, it was a Tarbosaurus.
So that boils down to over a quarter of a million dollars for bragging rights. It’s easy to see where this list is going.
9. His Own Gulfstream Jet
Keep in mind, if you are rich, the money is coming in still, and you travel a lot, a private jet is not unheard of. When a private jet is unheard of as a purchase is when the purchaser has pretty much spent his fortune blindly, and is unsure if the money will keep coming in.
The trend you are seeing on this list is that, apparently, Nic Cage thought he would be an A-list actor forever, and that money would never stop coming in. Then the Wicker Man remake happened…
8. 15 Houses
Yes, 15 houses. The man owned 15 freaking houses. Because, you know, you might get ripped apart by horses and need a home for each one of your body parts. Well, why else would he need 15 houses? The best part is, it’s not like he owned a house in Boston and one in California. No, we are talking about Cage buying castles in other countries.
In other words, spending his fortune much in the same way a fourteen year old boy would. Comic books, dinosaur skulls, and castles. Did I mention the island?
Yes, an island was also purchased at this time. Because of course it was.
7. His Pyramid Tomb
What does one even say when another human buys a pyramid tomb to have himself buried in? While you may have heard pyramid tomb and think the man went to Egypt and actually bought a tomb inside a pyramid (which would not be unheard of to assume at this point in the list), this is even stranger than that.
Nic Cage actually had a pyramid tomb constructed for him in New Orleans (right near the haunted mansion of a former slave owner he owns), and it is quite a sight to behold. It basically looks exactly what a man with a God complex would bury himself in.
6. Four Yachts
Okay, one yacht we can get behind if you’re rich and famous. Heading to Cannes and pulling up in a private yacht is definitely some pimp stuff, but there is a line that needs to be drawn in the sand.
Own a yacht. Cool, makes sense. But owning FOUR? The extra fine print here is the fact that each yacht was said to be like a floating mansion, and worth around twenty million each. That is 80 million in boats (and you can only use one at a time).
It was at THIS point he should have fired his financial manager. Oh wait, he did try to blame all this stuff on them, actually.
5. His Weird Zoo
People seem to talk most about the two albino king cobras he has in his possession, but the reality is, collecting weird animals is also a “thing” to people like Nic Cage. Remember Michael Jackson’s zoo full of monkeys and emus? Something about being an eccentric money waster and millionaire just makes them think owning exotic, rare pets makes them cooler than us normal, dog or cat owners.
Jokes on you, Cage. Most people don’t have to go on to sell their dogs or cats at auction. Also, dogs and cats are not extremely venomous and rare. Fact. To his credit, though, he also bought some doses of anti-venom he hung above the cage (Cage cage?) just in case. So there is a LITTLE bit of brain at work there.
Side note, he also owned some sharks and an octopus because Nic Cage. He didn’t need a reason.
4. The Shah’s Lambo
A Lamborghini Miura SVJ was purchased for $450,000, to be exact. Where normally a celebrity wanting to own a Lambo is about as rare as a rapper using the word b*tch, what makes this so “Cage” is that he specifically wanted the Shah of Iran’s Lambo.
Why? That’s the thing. Not a single person has any idea what this dude was thinking at this point. It almost seems as if he was TRYING to out-do M.C Hammer’s famous “spend all my money foolishly and ruin my own life” plan.
3. Shrunken Heads
Wait, what? Yes, “shrunken heads” is a thing. A practice initially utilized by head hunters so they could keep and show off their trophies, if you have ever seen one you know just how unsettling these things are. They look like heads that have been left in the sun too long and shrunk into raisins. They are an absolute monstrosity.
So of course Nic Cage owned a bunch of them. Because nothing says sound investment like the shrunken, severed head of someone else’s enemy.
2. Action Comics #1
For you non-nerds who don’t know the relevance of that, Nic Cage owned the first appearance ever of Superman in comic books. It’s a comic that is rumored to be in the two million dollar price range. Cage is known as an avid dork (i.e. collector of nerd things), and was even nabbed to play the Man of Steel at one point for a Tim Burton film.
While buying nerd things in itself is not bad, buying them as haphazardly as Cage did led to a financial downfall of epic proportions.
1. The ONE Purchase He Told NO ONE About
So we know about all the above purchases because Nic Cage had to file bankruptcy and pay 15 million in back taxes. Had that not happened, there is a good chance only those closest to Cage would even be aware of any of the above purchases.
But this leads to a very interesting point. If the above insane investments are the ones we KNOW about, there has to be one or two buys in there that even HE is too ashamed or embarrassed to share.
All this is coming from a man who built a pyramid in a New Orleans cemetery to hold his bones, whatever it is we DON’T know must be terrifying. Dude was buying shrunken heads and pet sharks. Those are some pretty dark investments. What leads us to believe he did not buy a human soul or a small child at some point?
Just saying, for all we know about, imagine the crazy shite we don’t…
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