The dating world is a wild and wacky place, even at the best of times. Men do a lot of really bizarre stuff to try and attract women - whether those women want to be picked up or not - ranging all over the place from risking life and limb to saying stuff that might even make Hannibal Lecter seem reasonable (reminder: he eats people). It's bad enough when people are face-to-face, but when people get into the world of online dating and hook-ups, it all tends to take a turn for the inexplicable and highly inappropriate.
Ever since the dawn of sites like OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, and other online dating platforms (and apps, like Tinder), people have been sending weird messages to other people. Women tend to get a lot of them. Lots of guys have this idea that they can say whatever they want to someone they find attractive, and if what they say isn't liked, then obviously it's not on them to change their approach or even apologize. Newsflash: that's not how it works. There's also this view that the internet isn't real or doesn't count, and it doesn't tend to click that there's a real live person on the other side of that screen. A real live person who actually means it when they list an age limit in their profile, and who really isn't interested in a picture of a stranger's genitals.
Those interactions aren't the weirdest, though. No, no, there's another brand of weirdness that really makes someone wonder ... what was this guy thinking?
13 What's The Difference Between Jam & Peanut Butter? It's Not What You Think.
Some weird lines and questions start out seeming like they could be, or become, reasonable. Maybe there's a learning moment to be had. Really, one could be forgiven for thinking that "What's the difference between jam and peanut butter?" would be an actual, honest-to-goodness question.
They'd be wrong.
The answer? "I can't peanut butter my d*ck in you."
12 How To Appear Creepy And Frighten People
Imagine getting this in your inbox: "Hey, I'm luring hotties to my house with candy this weekend. What do you prefer Skittles or M&Ms?"
It's time to take this moment to remind people, especially men, that it's not cute or funny to suggest that you're "luring" people to your home. That sounds like a line a serial killer might say. Nobody should want to sound like a serial killer. For most women, there's a very real fear that something bad could happen to them on a date, and this sort of line checks off every box on the "this could lead to Bad Things" list.
11 Let's NOT Re-Enact Silence of the Lambs
"You have nice skin. I'd love to wear it as a onesie," was a message sent to someone on Tinder. Okay, then. That's remarkably creepy. How about no? Does no work for you? If not, let's try hell no. Or better yet, maybe calling the cops and giving them this guy's address might be the best thing you could do in this case.
10 Another Take On Basement-Dwelling
9 No, Not The Cake!
Many weird messages are entirely harmless, at least, and this particular OkCupid message demonstrates that quite well.
Jim said to the OkCupid user in question: "Hi, I like your profile. Would you step barefoot on a cake?"
8 Smooth, But Not Really
"Hey, so do you mind taking your clothes off?" Dating site user Nick asked an unsuspecting lady, "I'd like to see how angels hide their wings."
7 Not Even OkCupid Can Save You
One OkCupid user was having a crisis when he messaged the recipient of this gem: "I need help keeping to my path with the Lord... I'm struggling..."
6 You Can Do WHAT?
"Hi, I can insert a whole straw in my pee hole, wanna see?"
Urethral sounding is a very, very, very specific kink, and like all kinks, isn't something that should be inflicted on somebody that doesn't make mention of it on their profile. Polite kinksters don't just whip this stuff out without warning.
5 Save It For Someone Else
How totally considerate! Random dude via text message to somebody on the internet: "I'm gonna save this erection for you for sure. I also try to be polite."
4 From 0 To 100 In 2 Seconds
A tip for the clueless: "Bear my children" is not a compliment. It's very weird. It's also very creepy, and ranks as one of the sorts of things to just not say to someone you don't know very well. Friends say that to one another all the time as a way of saying "You are awesome", but that's a completely different beast to having someone you've never met message you with that request. Especially since the site this happened on was OkCupid.
3 Spiders Fear Her
Once upon a time, Glamour magazine had a video series - which is still available on YouTube (check it out) - where women shared the many weird messages they received while on various dating sites.
One message in particular really stood out for how oddly specific it was.
"I love it when a girl squishes spiders!"
2 A Comparison Nobody Wants
Every once in a while, somebody will run across someone else on a dating site that looks exactly like an ex. Most people go the other way.
Some people, though, decide to message the person. Things go downhill from there. One such fellow on OkCupid messaged a woman with the following:
"You look a lot like an ex of mine, so I'm already quite... enthralled." Weird, but... that's as far as it'll go, right?
"Too weird? Yeah, I guess that is a weird opening message. But, it's true and all I had at the moment." There is radio silence at that point until four days later, when he sends this gem through:
"Welp, it's official, I'm obsessed with you. Get the restraining order paperwork ready. :P" Time to mash the 'report' button and block like mad.
1 Runner-Up: How About Those Oversized C*cks?
I actually like this message and I would like to meet this guy and his poultry.
"You're gorgeous. Do you like tall Italian guys with huge cocks? I only ask because I'm 6'3" and I own an over-sized chicken farm just outside of Rome."
Sold. Let's fly out to Rome and see those chickens.
Sources: Tumblr, Betches.com, ThoughtCatalog.com, Buzzfeed
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