Although anti-sodomy laws were erased in the state of Virginia as of last year, there are still plenty of laws in other states which attempt to create borders around sex, in public and private. With the LGBT community being increasingly outspoken in our society, one would think that states would loosen the reins on controlling someone’s private life, but no! They are still going strong…and not to mention weird.
I don’t know if it is just me, but after reading these laws, I’d say these legislatures had way too much time on their hands while making these laws. Maybe they were bored, maybe they were feeling envious of their loud next door neighbors, or maybe they just like to say the word sex. We’ll ultimately never know. But for now, we can read and laugh at how illogical government can truly be. Here are the most ridiculous sex laws that we could find.
10. Sex with Satan in Bakersfield, Ca is a no go without a condom
According to the law in Bakersfield, Ca, people having sex with Satan are required to wear protection. Hmm…I’m sorry but, what? Last time I checked, sex with someone or something you cannot see is a little hard to accomplish. The fact that they wanted to throw in a requirement to wear a condom seems a bit presumptuous don’t you think? But, if you don’t believe in the Devil than I guess you are safe! Apparently Bakersfield has had a vast history of Satanism, which is where this law most likely stemmed from.
During the 1980s, a slew of Satanic ritual abuse cases were brought up in Kern County (where Bakersfield is located), accusing various people of horrific abuse of young children. Allegations of “sex-rings” were the center of many cases and were the reasons many people found themselves with extremely long sentences in prison. There are also two Satanic houses of worship in Bakersfield. I’m sure the prevalence of Satan in this city is quite hard to forget or ignore. It’s a good thing they established such a specific law, they don’t need any spawns of Satan running around. Nobody wants that.
9. Washington does not permit the act of deflowering a virgin, even on their wedding night
It doesn’t look like many wedding nights will be magical in the state of Washington if you haven’t lost your virginity. Washington is apparently against the act of deflowering a virgin, even on their wedding night!
I’m not sure if Washington knows the tradition of a wedding night, but it’s said to be that a virgin usually loses their virginity on their wedding night. Isn’t that the point of being a virgin until marriage—the reward is the wedding night! Maybe Washington State doesn’t reproduce…maybe that’s a good thing considering they made this law.
Much like Washington, Nevada does not like babies in their state. Sex without a condom is considered illegal in Nevada. BUT this law only applies to prostitutes. Nevada doesn’t want their prostitutes running around pregnant. Apparently, this is the only state in all 50 states which permits prostitution. There are even regulated brothels in various isolated rural areas in the state. If you are on your way to Vegas, don’t get too excited. There are exceptions to this law allowing prostitution in the state. Certain counties do not allow it, including Clark county (Las Vegas), Washoe (Reno) Douglas, Lincoln, and the independent city of Carson City (Nevada’s capital). With those exceptions, there are eight counties who have licensed brothels, with nineteen total in the state as of August 2013. Of all places to not have the law permit prostitution, Vegas? Maybe they should rethink their nick-name. Sin City just seems misleading.
8. Give sexual favors to a taxi driver in Maine, in exchange for a free ride home
Anyone low on cash, after a crazy night out in Maine, make sure you are aware of this law. Better to get home safe and laid, then to drive drunk and die.
Buckfield, Maine give people a chance to save some extra money. If a passenger of a taxi chooses to give the driver sexual favors, the driver is not allowed to charge a fare to the passenger. BUT this law is only effective if the passenger is coming from a nightclub or a different “establishment which serves alcoholic beverages,” or simply any business whom sells liquor.
Buckfield is home to a whopping 2000 people, within the borders of 38 sq. miles. That isn’t a very big town for such a liberal law. But out of 821 households, only 29.6% have children under the age of 18, so the other 70.4% should be able to make their own fun, even if it’s in a taxi. Buckfield is also home to Grey’s Anatomy‘s Patrick Dempsey. Born in Lewiston, Maine and grew up in Buckfield. He also attended Buckfield High School.
Now that you know Patrick Dempsey came from Buckfield, there is a good chance your taxi driver will be pretty attractive, maybe even in relation to Patrick. That way, this act of desperation won’t feel so degrading. College kids in Maine must be rich with all the money they save. I wonder if Dempsey knew of this law.
7. Say no to sex toys in Alabama
In the state of Alabama, sex toys are apparently illegal. That means anyone selling sex toys will be criminalized. Even with so much backlash, Alabama continues to hold strong to their decision and also offers a hefty consequence for distribution of sex toys.
Distribution of sex toys is a misdemeanor on the first offense with a maximum penalty of a $10,000 fine and one year in jail, although the law doesn’t ban possession. The law also has an interesting loophole where it allows people to buy sex toys as long as the purpose is educational, medical, scientific, judicial, legislative or for law enforcement.
The law is known as the Anti-Obscenity Enforcement Act of 1998, which bans the sale of sex toys. The law was originated by State Senator Tom Butler in order to outlaw nude dancing. Word for word the law states, “any person to knowingly distribute, possess with intent to distribute, or offer or agree to distribute any obscene material or any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs for anything of pecuniary value.” If you are a repeat offender of this law, you can face up to ten years in prison!
A Florida woman, Sherri Williams, with two sex-toy stores in Tennessee Valley, TN, has continuously tried to fight the state for over a decade. She sued to overturn the law, winning initially in 1999 when a federal judge ruled there was no rational foundation for the law. But then lost when the state appealed, which allowed the law to remain in the books.
So how does Williams get away with having two sex-toy stores and not find herself in prison? She takes advantage of that loophole I talked about earlier. At her store, she has her customers, who are buying toy items for sexual stimulation, fill out an anonymous form with various questions asking whether they or their partner have difficulty with sexual fulfillment. Oh, and did I mention that her store has a drive-thru? Yeah…a drive-thru, like McDonalds or Starbucks. It will be surprising if this sort of thing doesn’t catch on. She is still currently fighting for the right
6. Be courteous to the horses
Massachusetts might be a little too protective of their horses. If anyone happens to find themselves getting busy with a rodeo clown while at a rodeo, they need to be sure there are no horses in the vicinity. Horses are people too.
Just in case a rodeo happened to be on your “fantasy” list. The law states that anyone having sex with a rodeo clown at a rodeo, must make sure no horses are present. This one might be a favorite among many, just because it makes no sense at all. Maybe I am not well versed enough in horse etiquette. Are horses afraid of rodeo clowns? And if so, what about the clowns scare the horses? And aren’t rodeos a little messy? I guess if you’re into that sort of thing, you should make sure no horses are around.
In the names of Oscar Wilde, “I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it in the street and frighten the horses.” Horses scare eazy, so if they were present during a heated session between a rodeo clown and most likely a cowgirl, I’m guessing it would get a little loud. And when loud sounds scare horses, they run. Nobody wants a horse to run at them or over them, so be careful at rodeos! Be considerate of those horses while you’re doing the dirty in the dirt. Don’t scare the horses!
5. No hanky panky on your front yard after sunset
In Bozeman, Montana, if you’re nude, it is forbidden to have any sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after the sun has gone down. But I guess if you’re members of the same sex, then you’re in the clear!
I’ve never personally tried this sneaky act. Maybe behind a building or at a park (although, those might be worse,) but never my front lawn. That just seems so inconsiderate of your neighbors. And also, not very smart since you come in contact with your neighbors every day! There is also a good chance that if you’re caught by a neighbor, the cops will be making you a special visit.
But don’t worry, if you’re still interested, before sundown is perfectly fine. And if you have an undying urge that just can’t be tamed after sundown, simply leave on some clothing. Keeping some articles of clothing on will leave a little bit of mystery for your neighbors…since the show is obviously for them if you’re getting down in the front yard. Go crazy kids!
4. You can walk into a meat freezer, but don’t get too comfortable
Only in Newcastle, Wyoming is it illegal for couples to have sex while standing in a store’s walk-in meat freezer. Hopefully no one was hurt in order for this law to go into effect.
This law must have come from a personal (and regretful) experience. Not only is this happening in a meat freezer with other meats surrounding them, it’s happening in a freezer! Although this probably does not seem appealing to most people, I did see a couple loopholes in this law. I’m no lawyer but this law states the words “standing,” “meat” and “walk-in,” so if you really wanted to do it in a freezer, just find a normal freezer and take a seat!
Newcastle, Wyoming has a measly population of 3,532 according to the 2010 census. With not even a single butcher shop in town and only three or four actual grocery stores, this law seems a little out of place. But if you can somehow get to the back of the select few grocery stores, without the rest of the town seeing you sneak away, than it is possible!
The FDA requirement for a walk-in freezer is between 0°F and -10°F. If a couple is in the freezer long enough, plenty of things can happen. And if they somehow became locked in the freezer, only more bad can come from that. Hypothermia, frostbite, air-supply (to name a few) is what people should think about before partaking in this dangerous activity. The normal body temperature being 98.6°F, hypothermia occurs when that temperature plunges significantly resulting in three different levels of hypothermia: mild hypothermia, moderate hypothermia and severe or profound hypothermia. If you are thinking of tip-toeing off into a walk-in meat freezer, make sure you have a back-up plan, just in case that door doesn’t open back up!
3. No getting frisky in those toll booths
Cities sure like getting specific with their sex laws. In Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, toll booths are off limits to any female toll collectors wanting to have sex with a truck driver in. And if they are caught during rush hour, fines are doubled! The amount of the initial fine is not, specified but I’m guessing it isn’t cheap. This must have been a big problem in Harrisburg in order for them to make this official.
I’m not sure what Harrisburg, PA has against truck drivers, they’re hard workers. So to deprive them from having sex with someone who is willing to have sex with them in a toll booth, that is just mean and cruel. The fact that this is a law means someone actually did this. As I recall, toll booths are relatively small and from what I have observed during my car rides, truck drivers are not usually small. So more power to the truck driver who put this law into effect, you achieved a small victory for all truck drivers.
Harrisburg is the capital of Pennsylvania and home to people. The city has two tolls with plenty of daily traffic to deal with. It would be interesting to find out when this actually happened and how many people noticed it, since these tolls are so busily frequented. I wonder what the female employee and truck driver were thinking. Maybe they were in a long distance relationship and only saw each other on these short moments of interaction as the truck passed by. What a love story it might have been.
2. Husbands, be considerate to your wives when it comes to your breath
In Alexandria, Minnesota, if a man’s breath smells of garlic, onions, or sardines, he is not permitted to make love to his wife. If the wife requests for him to brush his teeth, he must oblige. Minnesota is giving the power to the women. Go Minnesota!
No matter how weird and random this law is, I am in strong favor of it. The wife should be able to kiss a fresh smelling mouth. No man should ever torture his wife with the smell (or taste) of sardines, especially. You should just know that you wouldn’t be getting lucky with that kind of breath, no matter how long you’ve been married.
We do have to give the husband some credit. He seems to be thinking thinking of his health. Garlic has plenty of health benefits, including it stops sniffles, prevents UTIs and possibly prevents cancer! Onions and garlic also can boost the absorption of minerals such as, Iron and Zinc. Garlic is also an antioxidant and helps blood pressure regulation. Onions also serve as antioxidants and are known as prebiotics which help stimulate and promote healthy bacteria growth in the stomach. This helps your immune system which ultimately fights off infections and diseases. And finally, sardines are apparently very good for heart health, bone health, and high in protein. So, really, a husband with this kind of breath is just looking out for his health!
But Minnesota isn’t the only state that is thinking of the female gender during intimate moments. Wisconsin’s law states that no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm. At least the law is looking out for women’s hearing and their orgasms. Men have to think of their women first!
1. Have a desire to have sex with an animal? Make sure its the appropriate weight
Where is it legal to have sex with an animal, as long as it exceeds the amount of lbs? West Virginia. Although the state has more than plenty of laws protecting animals from any kind of cruelty, the only law missing is that one preventing sex with them. Shouldn’t that be considered animal cruelty too? I guess not in West Virginia.
According to the Washington State Legislature, a person who “knowingly engages in any sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal,” is guilty in the first degree of animal cruelty. So why is it considered socially appropriate to commit that very felony in West Virginia? Their law states that it is legal for male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs. Interesting. The Animal Legal Defense Fund has been working with state representatives, trying to reverse these laws at a legislative level.
Well thank you West Virginia. We weren’t sure why the government decided to make you a separate state than Virginia, but now we know why.
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