“All the single ladies! All the single ladies! If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it…” What is it about Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” that causes every single girl to start screaming and hitting the dance floor?
So, you’re either single by choice, due to not having crossed paths with ‘the one’ yet, or you’re single due to your increasingly high standards. Either way, are you curious if you share any qualities or quirks with the rest of the world’s single population? Here, we bring you 12 of the most common things the world’s single population share. If we missed any please share in your comments below!
12. Living At Home
“Mom, the meatloaf!!!” conjures up images of the ultimate ‘living at home’ moment from the 2005 comedy Wedding Crashers. If you are in school and under 21 years old, you’re exempt from this one but over 21 and living at home while working or waiting for your big break? You’re most likely single. It’s not a bad thing, it just means that while you are waiting on your mom to cook your dinner, the girl or guy of your dreams is driving off into the sunset with someone else.
11. Drink From The Carton Of Milk or Juice
There’s no one but you home so there’s no need to use a glass. You’re the only one that drinks the milk or juice in your house, why wouldn’t you drink from the carton or bottle? It’s not that you don’t have glasses. You have at least two water glasses and four coffee mugs. There’s only one problem, all your cups are dirty and sitting in the sink. Why waste water and time washing a glass when you could just drink out of the bottle? The orange juice tastes fresher that way, too.
10. Your Dog or Cat Understands You Better Than Anyone
You are having a bad day and the only thing you want to do is go home and cry to your dog or cat about it. You have an amazing day and the first thing you want to do is go home and hug your fur baby. There is no doubt in your mind that they understand you better than anyone. Those big soulful eyes staring up at you telling you it will all be alright. The wagging tail or soft purrs sharing in your excitement. The best part is they don’t leave the toilet seat up or empty water glasses next to the bed.
9. You Post Way Too Many Empowerment Facebook Posts
If you post six or more Facebook posts a day, you are single. Only single people post as much as you do. Five out of six of your posts will be empowerment related, ‘Feel Good!’ and ‘Stay Positive!’ posts.
If you’re a girl, the rest of your posts will be selfies of either yourself or all your other single girlfriends enjoying your weekly ‘Ladies Night Out’. Nothing wrong with enjoying a LNO once in a while but while you are screaming and dancing your head off with your single gal friends to TLC’s “No Scrubs”, Mr. Right could be walking out the door.
If you’re a guy, the rest of your posts will be selfies of you in the mirror at the gym or looking deep and thoughtful laying in the middle of your bed.
8. You Sleep In The Middle Of The Bed
What side of the bed do you sleep on? Both sides—smack in the middle of the bed. You take advantage of the fact that you don’t have a significant other to share your bed with. It’s awesome. You can sprawl out in all four corners of your bed, leaving not a foot or hand hanging over the sides of the bed. You can’t even imagine having to share your bed with someone else. In the 1950s married couples had two side-by-side twin beds, maybe that’s an option you should potentially explore with any future significant other.
7. You’re On A First Name Basis With The Pizza Delivery Guy
When you call up your local pizza parlor they see your number come up on the caller ID and immediately know who you are, and what you are ordering. The pizza delivery guy knows your mom, dad, grandma, even your dog’s name. Sometimes he even grabs your mail on the way up your steps to deliver your freshly baked pepperoni and double cheese, pan crust pizza with extra garlic (no significant other to worry about offending!).
6. You’re At The Gym More Than Once A Day
If you are at the gym more than once a day you are more than likely single. You have a lot of free time on your hands so why not go to the gym? It’s definitely better than sitting at home watching re-runs of Gossip Girl but just be careful you don’t get known as ‘that single gym guy or girl’, or even worse ‘the creeper’ who stares at everyone like they’re slabs of meat.
If you’re a guy, don’t start grunting or showing off your ‘gun show’ to every girl that walks by. If you’re a girl, don’t flirt with the personal trainers, it’s desperate and ugly.
5. You Have Stale Cereal
You leave the lids to your cereal boxes wide open because there’s no need to pour the cereal into a bowl to eat it. You just eat it straight from the box. Why make another dirty dish? Your cereal of choice is either something with marshmallows or it’s frosted. In both cases, it will be stale. Stale cereal is your breakfast of champions, mid-afternoon snack, and dessert.
Every single guy or girl has at least two boxes of stale cereal somewhere in their cupboards. If there’s more than four boxes of stale cereal, that guy or girl has been single for a long, long time.
4. You Spend Your Weekends Babysitting
It should almost be a prerequisite that you get ‘Free Babysitting’ tattooed on your forehead when you’re having a dry spell, aka single. If you have siblings or close friends with small children that live nearby, watch out. You are being warned ahead of time that you will be taken advantage of. Your weekends will now be spent wiping snotty noses and pushing kids on swings. You also might be affectionately known as “Uncle” or “Auntie” which secretly makes you cringe but happy at the same time that it’s not “Mommy” or “Daddy”.
3. You Use Paper Towels For Napkins
You’re single, no need to buy napkins AND paper towels. The quicker picker uppers suit you just fine when it comes to cleaning up spills and wiping your mouth. Napkins? Napkins are definitely for those that have significant others that come over to their house. If you want to find out if someone is single, go check out their kitchen cupboards. Do they have napkins or just a roll of paper towels sitting on the counter?
You pride yourself in your ability to take a great selfie from just about anywhere. From public restrooms to strolling by yourself on the beach. You always carry a selfie stick wherever you go because you just never know when some exceptional lighting will appear. Your social media feeds are littered with deep inspirational quotes and pictures of yourself waking up, acting like you’re having a blast, or in bathroom mirrors throwing up peace signs and duck lips. You have to document every time you brush your teeth or walk outside. There’s no problem with this, however, while you’re busy perfecting your peace sign or trying to pout, your future husband or wife might be watching.
1. Single and (Not) Loving It
Yes, it is true. If you are constantly nagging and bashing your friends for being ‘whipped’ or for not having a life since they’ve been dating, you are definitely single and not loving it. Every time you see one of your Facebook friends change their relationship status to ‘in a relationship’ or ‘engaged’ you get sick to your stomach.
You are not a fan of being single but you also don’t want others to know you’re not a fan of being single. Your over-the-top ‘I love being single because…’ is a little tiresome and the only person you’re trying to convince is yourself. It’s not bad to want to be in a relationship! If you convince everyone you LOVE being single more than anything else in the world, they might pass on a chance to set you up with the hottest guy or girl they know that would be perfect for you!
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