15 Thoughts Men Have When Dating Big-Chested Women

Remember when Katy Perry went on Sesame Street and everyone got upset that she showed too much cleavage? It never really made much sense to me. Breasts are a perfectly normal and wholesome part of the anatomy. They're fleshy, friendly, and enjoyable (except for when they turn on their owners, Pink Ribbon style). It's amazing that we as a nation would be furious against Katy Perry for bringing hers to a kids show (many of whose watchers probably still used them for nourishment, might I add), but that we would be totally cool with preventing shootings by bringing even more guns into an elementary school.

But this isn't about political correctness or gun control. It's about what, in a very broad sense, Russell Brand thought when Katy Perry was his girlfriend. She, more than probably any other celebrity today (except for Kate Upton -- what is it with Kates and large breasts? Kate Hudson notwithstanding) is known for her ample bosom. She even winkingly acknowledges it in her song "Birthday" when she says she wants to let out the big, big, BIG balloons.

If you're curious, keep on reading, and find out the 15 thoughts that every man has when dating a top heavy woman.

15 I Am So Lucky

14 She Looks Good In Everything

13 Take 'Em Out!

12 Cover 'Em Up!

11 Did They Just Get Bigger?

10 Will They Suffer With Age?

9 I Want To Motorboat Them


8 It Must Hurt To Run

7 They Must Obstruct Her Breathing At Night

6 Are They Real?

5 Her Bra Is The Size of My Head

4 They Look Like A Butt

3 She Could Flatten A Beer Can

2 How Much Does Each Weigh?

1 "She Will Nourish My Children"

My own personal Bro Science tells me that men like large breasts because they indicate the ability to feed children (similarly, women like tall men because they appear better equipped for survival/ protection). Although this assumption might leave Charles Darwin spinning like a Dervish in his grave ("It's socialization!!!!" his ghost screams, unheard to anyone but sprites), it seems like a fine enough conclusion to me.

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15 Thoughts Men Have When Dating Big-Chested Women