Despite what a lot of people say, women are really not all that hard to figure out. Guys like to pretend that they are, of course, that makes it easier to explain to themselves, and their friends, when they constantly strike out with the ladies. But the simple fact of the matter is: knowing what to say to a woman is not that hard at all. And it's even easier to know what not to say to your lady, if you're paying attention.
To make her feel happy it really is pretty easy. You need to pay attention to her and her needs, ya big lug. Compliment her, pay attention to her, and flatter her. If you can do all of these things and seem sincere when you do them then you are pretty much in like Flynn when it comes to the ladies. See?
On the other hand, there are certain things that you should never say to a woman under any circumstance- ever. That is what this list is all about. Every word or phrase on this list you should immediately strike from your vocabulary forever- like yesterday. There is nothing, and I do mean nothing, good that can come out of you saying any of these things to a woman. All of them will just make her not trust you, dislike you, or just plain mad at you. And who wants that? So study up and pay attention. Here are 15 things you should never, ever, say to a woman. Believe us, we know.
15 You Don't Look So Good
I know, you meant it in the nicest way possible. She just looks a little sick, maybe a little tired and you were simply trying to voice your concern. It does not work like that though man. Not at all. What she hears when you say this is "You are ugly" or "You are fat." And believe me, she will let you know that she isn't happy about it. She might not let you know right away, but sooner or later she will.
14 You're Crazy
This might be true. She might be acting crazy- who knows, she might even be crazy. It happens. But the thing is, if you call her crazy, then what you are going to see is going to be way crazier than what you have seen before, and maybe crazier than you ever imagined. The moral of the story is, don't ever say she is crazy, even if she is acting so bizarre that it is unreal. Just never bring it up, at least not in that way.
13 I Am Not In The Mood
You don't get to say this to a woman ever. Of course, she can say it to you as much as she wants, and it is not supposed to bother you at all, but if you say it? Look out. And when I say look out, I mean you better run. You are supposed to want her all the time, and if you don't then it means that you don't think she is attractive anymore, or that you are having an affair, so just strap on your hardhat and get to work.
12 Can We Have A Threesome?
This one is such a big no-no that it is almost unreal that it still gets brought up by any guy ever. It isn't a thing that you ask about; if it is going to happen then you and your girlfriend probably already know about it. If it isn't, then for crying out loud asking her about it is not going to help. This is pretty much the easiest way to imagine winding up on the couch that I can possibly think of. Don't do it.
11 How Many Guys Have You Been With?
Of course you are curious, of course you want to know - that all makes sense. But still, never ask her this one under any circumstances. For one thing there is a very good chance it will be more than you want to know about, which will freak you out. For another thing, if you ask her this question, then she is going to ask you as well, and obviously you don't want to tell her that. Just leave this one alone.
10 I Can't Stand Your Friends
All right, so this may very well be true. It is very possible that all her friends are total idiots. It is also possible that you want to bang all of them. But would you tell her that? No way. Then why tell her that you hate her friends? Just ride it out when her friends are around and fake it. After all, faking it is what makes relationships work a lot of the time. Just don't tell her you don't like her friends under any circumstances.
9 Anything That Has The Word "Ex" In It
Yeah, just trust me on this one. Don't talk about your ex. Even if it seems like you are getting away with it, you really are not. Talking about your ex is like having a time bomb sitting in the corner of the room. She is just saving up all the memories of the times you talked about your ex, waiting to jump out and attack you with every time you have done it. This should be a no-brainer, but guys still do it all the time.
8 Are You Really Going To Eat All Of That?
Did you really just say that? Seriously? You might think that you are just making simple conversation, but to her you might as well be screaming the word "Fatty" at the top of your lungs. Trust me on this one, even if she puts away a large sausage pizza in one sitting, just mind your own business and pretend that you did not notice. It will be safer that way and you might walk away with your life.
7 Yeah, I think She Is Pretty
All right, so at some point she is going to see some hot woman somewhere, and she is going to ask you if you think that woman is hot. And the things is, of course you do, you think that the woman is totally hot. Do not say this under any circumstance, this is a trap. Even if you tell her you think some random chick is hot and she does not say anything about it now, sooner or later it is going to haunt you.
6 Is It That Time Of The Month
All right, if you say this to a woman, then we can not help you because obviously you are a total dummy. Never, ever, and I do mean ever, ask a woman about her monthly bill. You know it is happening, she knows it is happening, you both know that when it does happen that she looks and acts a bit like a crazy warthog. We all get that. Still though, that does not mean you can bring it up. You can't. So don't.
5 Calm Down
So your woman is acting a bit nuts. She is all worked up, freaking out about something. It may seem like a good idea to tell her to calm down. What would be the harm in that? Well, I am here to tell you do not say those two words in any circumstances. To a woman the words "calm down" seem to mean "Hey, why don't you freak out a little more please?" Telling a woman to calm down is truly throwing gas on the fire.
4 What Are You Thinking About?
Do you really want to know the answer to this question? I mean do you really? Because if you do, then by all means, go ahead and ask. The thing is though, you don't. Best case scenario it is something like "When does the new season of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders start?" Worst case scenario is it may be "Is he cheating on me?" Either way, you don't want to know; just let her daydream as long as she wants.
3 Are You Sure It Is Mine?
We are getting near the top of the list. While the others were things that you need to stay away from to ensure good harmony, this one is the kind of thing that could really blow up in your face. You may think these words, but they should never leave your lips. Saying "Are you sure it is mine?" might seem like a good idea for a few seconds, until you wake up a week later in the hospital.
2 Did You Get Off?
This question is a no-win proposition no matter how you look at it. If she didn't and you ask her this then you just look selfish, like you are asking but you don't really care. If she did and you ask then you look clueless, like you can't even tell what is going on in the bedroom. The thing is, in this situation, either care about that situation or don't, but the last thing that you want to do is ask her about it.
1 Can I Kiss You?
This one really sets you to look like a clueless idiot, so if that is what you are going for then by all means, ask this question. The thing is, you are supposed to be able to tell, you are supposed to be able to read a woman, to know when your advance will be accepted. To ask for permission is just truly lame. Now, that doesn't mean just go in and try and kiss any woman you want, unless you plan on going to jail. It does mean pay attention, read her body language, then move in. Don't ask like a 12-year-old and you'll be fine.