12 Reasons To Never Date A Hipster

Every generation seems to have a special category of fools that take their phony personas to the extreme. It may have started back in the 1950’s with greasers, then came the 60’s hippies, 70’s disco queens, and so on. Recently there have been a lot of douche bags, but that term is almost too general, like a-hole. A more specific group of jerks out there right now are the dreaded hipsters.

We all know what the hipster dude looks like. He usually has a bushy beard and he’s thin. He might even grow out a handlebar mustache, and curl it with wax. He wears tight jeans, with some worn-down boots, or wingtips with no socks. His prescription glasses are definitely in a thick plastic frame. His hair is long, possibly in a man-bun. He might wear plaid, or a vintage rock t-shirt, and a grubby down coat with a faux-fur hooded collar. He likes craft brews, and knows everything about everything, especially tattoos, politics and music.

But he’s trying too hard and he looks silly. He's such a fool that haters have invented a game for him called: Hipster or Homeless. This people-watching guessing game works online or in person, especially in big cities where there is an ample supply of both. No offense to the homeless, of course, or hipsters. It’s just amazing how similar they look.

There are plenty of female hipsters too, but they usually don’t look quite as homeless. A hipster girl usually looks thin and is sometimes pretty. She might wear a houndstooth dress down to her knee, with ripped stockings and combat boots. Probably has on a sloppy black cardigan, but still manages to show off a bra strap. She has shoulder length blonde hair that needs to be brushed, a small neck tattoo, aviator sunglasses and cherry-red lipstick. She also knows absolutely everything.

The pretentious intelligence may be the hipster’s most annoying trait. At least greasers and hippies were fun-loving dopes. But hipsters want to argue for hours about meaningless crap like film noir. These people are definitely not dating material, and below are the many reasons why.

12 Eating Together Is Impossible

11 Her Fashion Doesn't Fit In

10 She Shoves Her Politics Down Your Throat

9 She's a Poser

8 Her Music Is Infuriatingly Eclectic

7 Her Movies Are Boring and Obscure

6 She'd Hipster-ize Your Children


5 She Has Incomprehensible Spending Habits

4 Her Sexual Mores Are Different


3 She's A Social Justice Bully


2 She'll Blog About You


1 She's Manipulative


The worst feeling you can have in a relationship is when you discover that you were never liked, and you were only being used. It happens all the time in movies. The dude bets his friends he can date the ugly chick, they fall in love, then the chick finds out, dumps the dude, and both hearts are broken. Well, in this scenario, you are the chick because the hipster only dated you to be ironic. Maybe she made a bet with her hipster friends, or maybe she was conducting her own little psychological experiment. She wanted to see what would happen if she dated the stupidest guy she’d ever met. Perhaps she’s even going to write her thesis about you. What a tragedy.


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12 Reasons To Never Date A Hipster