Everyone is friends with one or two of those mythological couples who actually marry the person they dated in high school. For the sake of this article, let's call this couple Mr. and Mrs. Smith, not to be confused with the Brangelina version of Mr. & Mrs. Smith.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith are cute, adorable even. They are so adorable that their Facebook engagement announcement released a special kind of stomach acid to those of us who weren’t so lucky, to those of us who endure Tinder, sexting and text message analysis. Wouldn’t it have been great to marry your high school sweetheart? If you married the person you dated in high school, you wouldn't have had to endure the years of bad dates with possible psychopaths.
The fact that Mr. and Mrs. Smith found their soulmates at the young age of 16 and avoided the years of STD scares and pregnancy scares may make you envious, but there is something you have that they won’t ever have: a lot of weird sexual experiences. People who marry their high school sweethearts may not have to endure swimming in the sea full of single weirdos but they also miss out on a sea full of sexual experiences. Assuming one marries their high school sweetheart and stays faithful, here are the 10 types of sexual experiences that they miss out on.
9 The Clinger
8 Sex With Someone Inappropriate
7 Sex With Someone You Work With
6 The Worst Sex
5 Sex With Someone Way Too Young For You
4 Sex With Someone Way Too Old For You
3 Hate Sex
2 Sex With An Ex
1 Super Kinky Sex
Leather, bondage, role play - these are just a few things that people who marry their high school sweethearts miss out. Now, that's not to say that there aren't a few people who find pleasure in tying up the sweet girl they started dating when they were 15, but it's few and far between. When it comes down to it, you just don't go into someone's back door if you knew them when they had braces. Mr. and Mrs. Smith miss out on basically every sexual experience described in 50 Shades of Grey. Sure, you may have been scared by that girl who was into asphyxiation or that guy who liked face shots. Maybe it pushed you out of your comfort zone, but at the very least, you'll have a hilarious PTS (post-traumatic sex) story to tell your friends while Mr. and Mrs. Smith are stuck telling another story about how their dog/child/hermit crab is sick.
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