To all of those nice young men out there who don’t fully understand women, I’m about to shake up your world, and confuse you a hell of a lot more…
You see, us women, we can’t even be defined with words. For the most part, we smell pretty, we talk a lot, and we love to dance when we’re drunk. Simple as that… But for the rest of it, here’s some truth for you that I hope will skip the entire confusing part where “your girl completely evolves once she’s in a serious relationship with you.”
There is no “two of a kind” when it comes to a relationship with a partner; each and every relationship is unique in its own way. With that being said, here is a list of ten things to expect once your relationship hits auto-pilot.
10. In the beginning, we hardly eat around you, and if we do, we are delicate and polite.
Yeah, don’t get used to that. Once we are comfortable, there will be days that we come home ‘hangry’, (hungry and angry) and when that happens, we will “fat kid-out.” If you don’t know what that entails, please allow me to enlighten you. During the “fat kid-out” epidemic, you can expect to experience any (if not all) of the following:
– Eating with our hands, regardless if we are supposed to or not.
– Having no regard for what is dropped on our laps, on the floor, or in our hair while scarfing down our food.
– Yelling at you not to watch us eat.
– Asking you not to judge us.
– Shovelling all of the snack items (intended for lunches) down our throats.
– Moaning while eating (because sometimes it’s just that good).
– Opening and closing the fridge constantly, hoping that more appealing food will miraculously appear before our eyes.
9. Flatulence anyone?
Men! Do not be fooled, even the most beautiful women in the world can move mountains with their goodies. It’s not that we never used to do it before, it’s that we hid it better, just like you (hopefully) did, too.
As time has gone on, it has become more acceptable for women to rebel, and go against the grain. Whether you like it or not, more and more women are embracing their inner ‘dude’. No, they aren’t stuffing their pants, but they are throwing up a middle finger to holding a tea cup with their pinky finger out; and guess what, it’s not such a bad thing! But, it means it has become acceptable for us to get away with the same things as men in serious relationships, i.e.: letting out little clouds of roses.
8. Our friends can become a bad influence at your expense
We love you to pieces, but for some reason, the minute we’re around a certain group of our girl friends, they make us question your every move, and wonder why we ever started dating you… Next thing you know, you’re on trial for something that never even happened.
Genuinely, we feel awful after the fact, and we do realize this behaviour is insane. The problem is, generally speaking, women remember everything. We remember the first date, the first kiss, and the first, uhmmm, well you know. But, let me help you to understand. Here is a run down of how this scenario happens, and how you can stop it from happening again. (You’re welcome in advance).
Our girlfriends give us the opportunity to gabble on about senseless things, and reminisce about things we probably wouldn’t with you. We stumble upon things that happened months, or maybe even years ago, and next thing we know, it connects to a memory that we may not be so fond of with you. Once that memory is sparked in our minds, the creativity takes over, and we are bouncing ideas, thoughts, and feelings off one another faster than the speed of light. Soon, it escalates, and the feeling that once made us upset with you is back, and it’s fresh all over again. Ridiculous, right?! Deep down, we agree too.
When this happens, just listen to her, don’t bother speaking because you’re already wrong. If you’re able to endure the pain of her rambling on about something that happened ten months ago, then bite your tongue and do so. Why? Because the reality is this: we just want you to listen, say you understand, agree it was stupid to begin with, hug us, kiss us, and move on. End of story.
7. We want our space from you – but how dare you agree!
If caution isn’t taken, relationships can become stifling. You want to see your friends, just as we want to have a spa day. Space is healthy.
When the relationship was fresh, it was overly exciting, and in our down time all we wanted to do was spend it with you. Not to say that we no longer do, but to keep things fresh and exciting, space is a huge key.
Here’s the kicker! We don’t want to hear you tell us you want space. It can come off wrong, especially if your woman leans toward being the more emotional type. Words like “space” or “time apart” can give the impression that we are on the outs. Bottom line, just don’t say “I want space” unless you’re ending the relationship!
6. It’s no longer ‘cute’ that your mother is doing your laundry…
Before you shacked up together, it wasn’t an issue that your mom came over once a week to clean the house and do your laundry. Now, your girl is yelling at you to grow up.
Once you and your lady have moved in together, she wants to feel like you need her, not your mother. We want to feel like we are the woman you call on. Also, we want to be reassured that you can take care of yourself without your mother cleaning up after you!
5. Remember when we used to do our hair and makeup every single day????
“Hahahaha!!!!” Sorry, but I couldn’t contain my laughter! Did you really think that would last? Yes, we love to look and feel beautiful, but I don’t care if you’re dating Mila Kunis, even she wakes up with messy hair and sleep in her eyes.
The effort and time it takes to do a full face of makeup and style our hair is just not worth it on a lazy Sunday. Can I get an ‘amen sista?!’
To be honest, who cares anyways!? If you’ve bagged a keeper, she doesn’t need all of that junk to be beautiful, because as cliche as it may sound, beauty truly is within.
4. Your social media has now become the enemy
In the beginning, your social media didn’t bother us. Key words: “in the beginning.” The sad reality is that social media has become a portal for both emotional and physical cheating, and we hate it!
Now that things have become more serious, social media becomes a wedge between many couples. It starts fights over “why did you like her profile photo?” “who is she?” “why is that girl privately messaging you?” No matter how you phrase it, it’s all bad.
Before social media, couples actually had to work through their problems, and come to a solution so that they could both live happily ever after. Now, not so much. As women, we feel deceit when you engage with other women online, especially if we aren’t familiar with the other women you are speaking to.
Before you know it, your Facebook profile will be a shared account with your girl. Sorry, bro.
3. Put the damn toilet seat down!
We never cared (or just never said anything) about your messy apartment when we only came over a couple of times a week, now we notice the dust on your baseboards and we get angry at you for not putting the toilet seat down.
Yeah, we played it cool in the beginning. We acted as though your pile of dirty boxers stuffed behind the bathroom door wasn’t revolting, and we definitely never committed on the expired milk in your fridge. You probably thought you had met the coolest chick ever! Don’t worry, she’s still awesome, she just doesn’t want a science experiment in the house anymore. Gross!
2. It goes from clubbing together to romantic comedies together
This is more towards couples with children, because many couples still enjoy the night life regularly together well into their long-term relationship.
Once things settle down, it is inevitable that priorities change. Competing who can take more shots, or deciding who’s carrying who home that night, fades away. Responsibilities take over, and your body can’t handle that kind of fun anymore. Don’t fret, it’s normal.
1. The “bad b*tch” demeanour is a front
I don’t know why rappers and musicians are suddenly glamourizing being a “bad b*tch”, because nobody wants to bring a hoodlum to their grandparents’ 25th anniversary dinner…
Nonetheless, it’s not real. If she seems hardcore and stone cold, she’s probably been burned in her past and has a huge guard up. That type of woman (believe it or not) is the most caring, loving, and sensitive ball of goo you’re ever going to meet. She has a big heart, but someone before you stomped on it, and now she protects that big heart with iron gates.
If you chase this type of woman, you better be prepared to cradle her heart, and cherish her time.
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