We've all been there at some point, wondering where it all went wrong and why you are facing a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. You got dumped, they ghosted or they flat out told you they are no longer interested in continuing the glorious relationship, at least you thought, once was. Sometimes we are blindsided by this news and sometimes we see it coming, but maybe choose to ignore the warning signs. Either way, there are common mistakes all people do when entering a new relationship, sometimes causing it to fail from the get go.
Mistakes can range from little annoying habits to big no nos, but it's beneficial to know when to draw the line on making them as well as putting up with them from a partner. Communication is key, so voicing what bothers you instead of letting it build up inside can actually save your relationship in the long run. Every relationship won't be perfect, because after all we are human and can be sketchy, irritating and inconsiderate at times.
You know that feeling you get sometimes when you know something is off? It's this certainty you feel, an intuition, a spidey sense we all have naturally when something just isn't quite right in your relationship or about your partner. Maybe you get it when things are starting to nose dive and fall into the deep end and poof! It's over. When looking back on what went wrong maybe you will find one of these 10 mistakes you make when starting a new relationship...
9 Defining the Relationship (DTR)
Defining the relationship is tricky because it is all about timing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to know where you stand with somebody, but the proper amount of time spent together must pass. Asking the classic "what are we?" after date number two or three is a little intense and can easily make your prospect flee. DTR helps to create boundaries and expectations within a couple. It allows them to be on the same page, especially when it comes to seeing other people.
8 Talking About Your Ex
7 Being Too Clingy
6 Revealing Too Much Too Soon
When you are in a relationship, it is a natural feeling to want to share everything with your partner. It goes to say that you feel comfortable opening up and trust them enough with your darkest secrets. However, revealing intense facts about your life when you first begin dating can come across as heavy and depending on what it is, intimidating. When you spend a lot of time together, you naturally get to know each other in a deeper way. If after an allotted time, when you both have grown to like each other a lot, it doesn't seem so crazy to share a few things you don't normally do. The better your partner has come to know you, the more open they are to understanding or overlooking those skeletons in your closet because *gasp* they've grown to love you.
5 Ignoring Red Flags
It is easy to let things slide when we begin a new relationship because we are hoping that the person is perfect and everything goes along swimmingly. Reality check, that's not how life works. People make mistakes, just like you and people are definitely far from perfect. Knowing this, we choose to accept our partners as they come and never try to change them (trust us, it doesn't work). Where do we draw the line between a person with flaws and a person who straight up is just not treating you properly? Do they not show up when you have plans to meet? Do they just disappear and reappear as they please not considering that it is shady and makes someone wonder what's going on behind closed doors.
4 Don't Be So Available
There is a saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" that holds a magnitude of truth. Don't you appreciate and love things a little bit more once you've been deprived of them for a bit? There is something within the human mind that adores a little mystery, something that helps keeps us intrigued when we don't know exactly if we have the person or not. Keeping your partner guessing and wondering about you isn't a mean move, it is actually beneficial to growing the passion in your relationship. The mind is everything and sadly but truthfully, people play games whether you like it or not. Try not always picking your phone up after the first ring, or updating them on your every move throughout the day. Take a spontaneous trip alone or with friends, continue a life of your own without your partner to a certain extent.
3 Being Too Jealous/Possessive
Don't be that new, hot and psychotic lover, just don't. Acting totally crazed over your new partner will make you look bad, make your lover freaked and cause damage control on the way. Jealous behavior stems from low self esteem and insecurity and you're better than that. Everyone is fearful of losing someone of value to them and they try to hold on to that in any means possible. Imagine if someone was searching through your phone or questioning your every move, would you really like that long term? Sure, we are animalistic at times and it is a good thing to claim your territory in a classy way, but know your limits. Every couple likes to see their partner be protective of them and show that they care.
2 Expecting Too Much
1 Playing Too Many Mind Games
As sick as it sounds, mind games are done to establish a winner, the one who holds the control in the relationship. Even after that is established, mind games can continue on well throughout marriage, there is no definite end in sight. It is something humans do naturally and sometimes intentionally. Knowing your partner well enough, it becomes easier and clearer what buttons to push if you really wanted to see how they will react. Games can range in a multitude of ways. There is the silent treatment in hopes the other person will cave first and initiate conversation. There is resisting sexually in order to prove a point (but nobody really wins in this situation). The list goes on and I'm sure you've experienced or done at least one thing in your life that was considered a mind meddle. Playing these games, we think we gain control and feel self- justification, but what are we really doing? We are playing with fire because when there is constant irritation from being ignored or making someone else crazy with your actions, it might end up being the straw that breaks the camel's back. The only games you should be playing is at date game night contorting with Twister or mastering Super Mario Brothers.
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