Everybody has gotta lie sometimes. It makes the day pass smoother if you drop a couple of quick fibs here and there to keep yourself out of trouble. We're not talking big lies ("I did not have sexual relations with that woman"), but small, meaningless lies that keep peachy egos unbruised (yours included!).
If you're late for work, for instance, because you felt like trying on several outfits rather than throwing on the first dumpy thing you could get your hands on, you're not gonna tell your boss, you know, "I just wanted to look extra fly today." He or she would get mad. And besides, you're already late -- already asking for forgiveness -- might as well make it easier for yourself to actually get it.
10 "I've only had a few beers."
9 "I don't look at other women."
8 "I'll be home soon."
We don't know where you are, okay? We don't know what you're doing. We just know that you're having a hell of a time and you're not quite ready to return to the family nest. So when your phone starts ringing and your girlfriend is all: "Where are you, babe?", you have two options: 1) "I AM MY OWN PERSON AND I COME HOME WHEN I WANT, DAMN IT!" or 2) "I'll be there in a two shakes of a lamb's tail! xoxoxox!"
7 "It's from my bro."
You get a text message. Let's assume it's from a girl you knew from before the beginning of time, aka the day you met your perfect, amazing girlfriend. It's fun, it's intriguing, it's dare we say even a little sexy. As soon as you read it, a wry smile spreads over your lips like cold cream through black coffee. Your girlfriend, perceptive as she is, cuts the tension with a resounding: "What?"
You, still with your grin, say: "Oh, nothing."
She responds: "No, who is that text message from?"
You aren't gonna say: "Just some girl I used to know." So you say: "It's from my bro."
6 "I'll reciprocate."
5 "I don't watch adult videos."
4 "Yeah, you're absolutely right."
3 "It's the best I've ever had."
2 "I like your mom."
1 "I love you, too."
Yeah, you probably saw this one coming. Love is a complicated emotion. Everyone wants it, but not everyone is capable of inspiring it in others. Oh, wait, I shouldn't say that... "You're beautiful and amazing and 60 is the new 20!" There, that's better.
No, but really, love is complicated. It doesn't mean the same thing for everyone, and unfortunately, as Charles Schultz put it so wonderfully when he wrote "nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love", loving someone doesn't guarantee that they'll love you back. So sometimes, people (girls included) just tell their SOs that they love them too, when in reality, they just love that someone loves them; but really, the person responsible for the love... well, they could go either way on.
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