You’re wildly attracted to her, but something isn’t right. You have a nagging feeling something isn’t quite right with your current relationship and you’re exhausted from it. It eats at your happiness and your self-confidence, spilling over into your work and even inhibiting your success. Sometimes your partner does things that seem to bring nothing but pain and conflict. She does them repeatedly, and you don’t know if it’s you, or something you’re doing wrong, or if it’s her, and just how she is. You want the relationship to work, but maybe the chances of it being the relationship you want are slim to none if she’s showing some or all (let’s hope not all) of these behaviors.
The key here is to look for patterns of behavior, not just an isolated instance. The trend is your friend in this case. It will tell you what you need to do, if you are aware of it. And by the way, if you see any of these behaviors in yourself, then it sounds like you also have homework to do. A wise man once told me (ok, it was my dad), “However it is when you’re dating, it will be a hundred times more so when you’re married.” So, if your relationship is a living hell, it’s time for you to decide, how you’re going to live the rest of your life. Watch and learn.
10 Substance Abuse
7 Unexplained Absences
What you need to know about each other’s lives depends on the stage of relationship you’re in. As you progress in your relationship, it’s only reasonable to know where each other is and when you’ll next see each other. If someone doesn’t keep their word to, let’s say, show up for a dinner date, that should immediately raise a red flag. And even if they text you, and give a good reason for their absence, but NOT propose a “Plan B”, then watch out.
Maybe you’re further along in your relationship, perhaps living together, and you are the one missing spending time with her, while she’s out for instance in social situations with her girlfriends. Then a late night, turns into another late night as you wait for her at home. It’s time for some communication. If the behavior continues, it then becomes time for you to make a decision. She’s not showing you respect as a person, and she’s placing herself in social situations, for instance, where there are regularly 1) other men, and 2) alcohol. As you probably know, it’s a potent combination.
6 Money…Too Tight Or Too Loose
5 Sexual Appetite…Too Much Or Too Little
4 How She Treats Others
You can make the most inoffensive comment, and yet she takes it as a slight. When she is offended too easily, you start to feel like your “walking on eggshells.” There’s almost never a relaxing feeling being around her. Some relationship specialists refer to over-defensive behavior as one of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” in predicting the likelihood of future divorce.
1 Crazy Making
This is one of the nastiest psychological games some women play. According to her, you are doing just about everything wrong. It’s almost as if you can do no right. She’ll give you one signal and when you act on it, you’ve done the wrong thing again. She can’t remember when she made a mistake, but remembers every one of your mistakes in great detail. It’s hard to believe people will play power and control games like this, but they do. Whatever psychological reason there is for her to act this way, it’s still decision time for you. You need to decide if it’s time for you to start getting a little distance to confirm your fears. Are you feeling better without her than with her? If so, leave the relationship, if it can’t be worked out. And then pay attention to your own self-worth and self-confidence, as it will have most likely been diminished by being with a “crazy maker.”
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