One of the most difficult things about building a relationship, whether straight, gay or somewhere in between, is that both members of that relationship think they are the smart one. A healthy relationship always involves some back and forth and some conflict and it doesn't matter who you are, most of the conflict stems from an "I'm right, no I'm right" type of conversation.
While I can't speak for same-sex relationships (not my thing) men and women may love each other, but agreement is not always an option, and with some couples, it's rarely even a thought. In most relationships, the "who is smarter?" debate is a frequent and ongoing one. Well, fellas, here are ten points you can throw at her next time she says something so dopey that it makes you go cross-eyed. Keep in mind while reading, that this is supposed to be silly and funny, rather than misogynistic. My girlfriend and editor are both women, after all and if neither of them chased me with a sharp object for writing this, you shouldn't either.
17 Reality TV
This point may become less and less true in the coming years, as many sources are coming to the conclusion that reality TV is dying, but for the time being, women statistically watch vastly more of this genre than men. I'll stand atop my metaphorical soap box for a minute while I say that the vast majority of reality TV is the lowest of the low when it comes to entertainment. The Bachelor, Keeping Up With The Kardashians and of course, all those God-awful "talent" shows, are a harmful waste of time and about as close to "reality" as an adult film in which a pizza delivery man ends up in a sorority 7-way. You can learn and improve your life more by watching a Family Guy marathon than any of that garbage.
15 Simplicity of Life
I'd like to first thank women for going through the ordeal that is childbirth. Actually the whole pregnancy experience seems pretty dreadful, so thanks. But my point here is that if it were required of us dudes, we wouldn't put up with that kind of discomfort. In a hypothetical universe in which men went through labor, his first act would be to call his best friend and request to be hit on the head with a 2-by-4 or baseball bat until he went limp, and to have that kid cut out of his gut as quickly as possible. The phone conversation would go something like this "Yo, *insert best bro's name here*, yeah, it's happening, man. Get over here with the Louisville Slugger and give me two good ones, make sure I'm breathing, and get the doc to take care of this. Thanks duder, owe you one!"
9 Precise Language VS Hints
This one is plain and simple, men say what's on their mind, and women talk in codes. Here is an example: Jack is going out to the store, and asks "Hey, Jill, I'm going out for more condoms and beer, can I pick you up something at the store?" Jill might respond with something to the effect of "I like treats too sometimes", which is translated to "get me a chocolate bar and a bottle of wine". This translation is not made in a man's brain, but Jack will inevitably get chewed out for coming home with chips and dip.
7 Men Don't Get Lost
5 The Best Friend Test
A dog is man's best friend. According to Marilyn Monroe, the former emperor of women, who took too many drugs and died in her thirties, diamonds hold that honor for females. This is a paraphrase of something I saw years ago that may or may not have been a viral Facebook status, but a diamond is simply a rock that costs a ridiculous amount of money because people say so.
3 Ever See a Man Crying for No Reason?
If a dude is crying for no reason he is probably insane. That is a reason to cry so it may be appropriate to say that no men cry for no reason. Women do cry for no reason and while it can be adorable, sometimes it is accompanied by blind rage and that can get scary.
1 Men Have Been in Charge for Millennia
Last but certainly not least, men have been in charge for well over 2,000 years. Yes, there have been some influential women throughout history but for the vast majority of time, men have been the boss. Men have been able to manipulate their way into high society and make others do their bidding for centuries, and while women are gaining increasing power these days (like in Germany, and look how well that's going), for the most part, men are still in control. It has taken a ton of cunning, strategizing, cronyism and backstabbing to get and maintain this status. It may be an awful truth, but it is kind of impressive.
I look forward to your hate Tweets.
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