In June of 1938, Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel gave birth to Superman and the world hasn't been the same. Superman inspired artists to create other heroes who either possessed super human strength like Captain Marvel, Green Lantern, Spider-Man and the Flash or super drive like Batman, the Phantom and Hawkeye. Like any other business, when something works, everyone follows and by the early 1940's over ninety percent of all kids read comic books. By 1952, circulation peaked with 3,161 different issues printed, which lead to an overall circulation of over one billion.
Anytime businesses jump on a trend there's always going to be some spectacular misses. Just like Superman begat Captain Marvel, the Green Hornet begat the Blue Beetle and Plastic Man begat the Elongated Man and Mr. Fantastic. Hey, they can't all be winners. Just ask Ken Fitch and Bernard Baily, the creators of Hour-Man, a superhero who, when he took a pill, had super powers but only for an hour. No superhero has ever sweated getting stuck in rush hour traffic more then Hour-Man.
This list is of all superheroes who have appeared in comic books, movies or television that make you scratch your head and go, what were their creators thinking? The only rule is that the heroes cannot have been intentionally created to be stupid. So, there's no Archie Andrews as Captain Pureheart or Goofy as Super Goof. Other then that, here are the top ten superheroes that either have powers that make no sense or just weren't well thought out to begin with.
10 Dazzler (1980)
9 Zan from the Wonder Twins (1977)
8 Ace, the Bat-Hound (1955)
7 Black Scorpion (1992)
In 1995, syndicated television shows were booming big time. Noted filmmaker, Roger Corman, never one to not pursue a genre that would make him money, decided to throw his hat into the ring and made two Black Scorpion movies which led to a TV series that lasted one year.
As for the Black Scorpion, she was a female crime fighter with no special powers who saw her father gunned down by the district attorney but the charges were mysteriously dropped. This lead to Walker taking to the streets to mete out justice, no matter how well connected the perpetrator was. Okay, maybe it's completely a rip-off of Batman, from a female point of view, but it could work. What makes it really dopey is Darcy Walker's day job. She's a cop. That's right, by day she fights crime and by night she... fights crime. Here's a suggestion, why not stay a cop and clean up on overtime? Plus you can, you know, arrest people. It's like being a chef at a four star restaurant by day and manning the grill at McDonald's at night. Technically, they're both cooking but one's way more useful than the other.
6 Matter Eater Lad (1962)
Not all super powers are created equal. The stuff Superman can do is a lot cooler then the stuff Black Panther can do, but Black Panther is still capable of doing some pretty cool stuff, which brings us to Matter Eater Lad.
5 Starfox (1973)
4 Condorman (1981)
After the success of "Superman: The Movie" in 1978, the Disney company wanted to cash in on the superhero craze. But, instead of adapting an existing character from the comics to the screen, they created their own hero first and then branched him out into comic books. It was a big mistake because, while, Superman was a known quantity, Condorman wasn't.
3 Green Arrow (1941)
Yeah, I get that he's the buff star of a CW series but come on, you're going to fight crime with arrows? Okay, I'll admit that in the comic books it's fun when he shoots the arrow with the boxing glove on or the one with the boomerang. It's a good thing Oliver Queen is rich because those arrows ain't cheap. And let's not forget the Arrow Car, Green Arrow's answer to the Batmobile, except it's green and pointy like an, you guessed it, arrow. You'd think you'd want a vehicle that would attract as little notice as possible. Kind of hard to sneak up on a criminal with a green car in the shape of an arrow.
2 Ant-Man (1962)
I know it's about to become a major motion picture, but come on. Ant-Man? Really? Ant-Man is a scientist who has found a way to shrink down to any size and through a special helmet, control ants. It's like the people at Marvel were thinking of a way to rip off the Atom but not get sued. Perhaps one editor had the idea that in addition to the whole shrinking thing, this new character can talk to dust mites? The other editor said, "Nope, not sexy enough. How about ants?" "He talks to ants? Brilliant! We'll call him Ant-Man! Larry, you're getting a raise!"
1 Beppo, the Super Monkey (1959)
You will find no greater admirer of monkeys then me. There is truly nothing funnier then a monkey dressed as a person but when you give it super powers, you've lost me. Think of it this way, a monkey is about five times stronger then a human, so Super Monkey is five times as strong as Superman. Great. Because Jor-El was sloppy, we have to deal with a creature that can fling it's own poo with amazing velocity. Fun.
Hopefully, Beppo will be mature enough to only use his super powers for good. Oh right, he's a monkey!
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