What is it about an older woman that is so sexy? In a culture where youth is so highly prized, you'd think that those who find a woman in her thirties, forties – even fifties – to be boner-producing would be solidly in the minority.
To the young, I say this: You've grown up in a society comprised almost entirely of people within four years of your age. You went to elementary school, middle school, high school, and some of you have made it to college. Your entire life, you have spent the majority of your time with people who are about your age. Anyone older than that is not just older. They are, to you, Old. The idea of having sex or a romance with someone out of that very tight age range seems weird, even gross – and yet each one of you has a celebrity crush, or that one teacher or professor that all the students are hot for.
But half of the equation of older + woman is woman. When we look at an older man with a younger woman we think, man, he got lucky. We also think, man, he is kind of a predator. It's thought of as natural for an older man to want a younger woman, or even girl. And it really is natural. They have more reproductive years ahead of them, their bodies are tighter. Their skin is smoother. They get sexually excited and satisfied more easily. What man wouldn't want that?
Well, every single one of those qualities also applies to younger men. And, secret tip to all you young fellas out there: women want a good lover just as much as you do. They just have the privilege of being pickier thanks to their possession of a vagina. Life is unfair that way.
So we've covered why older men and women both want younger partners, but I haven't answered my original question. Why are sexy older women so damn sexy? The sexiness of a younger woman is that of innocence, playfulness and exploration. The sexiness of an older woman is truly exemplified in the term we recently gave them: Cougar. It is the sexiness of aggression, experience, domination. That's at the heart of an age difference, isn't it?
Domination? The idea that the more experienced and established of the two partners is the one in control? Well, it seems to be the common theme in both cougar porn and real life. In my experience, older women know what they want and go right for it. For a young man that is shy approaching women, what could possibly be better than a sexy cougar who sees his body and pounces?
I'll tell you what: you'd be on cloud nine if one of the cougars on this list took at look at you and thought you'd make a nice snack.
10 Vivica A Fox
I want you to look at that photo. Really look at it. Imagine what you would like to do to it. How nice it would be to hold it, to kiss it. If you're a woman, how you'd like to possess it. That is the body of a 49 year old woman. Collect your jaw and eyeballs from the floor so you can read that sentence again.
I'm not even out of my thirties and that lady is in better shape than me. Speaking of shape, my god, that ass. Those curves. Those hips. The curve of her back... this is a body that wishes to be held just as much as a baseball or banana. It is made for your hand. And its owner knows it: Viv seems to have a thing for 28 year olds, dating 50 Cent when he was that age and her former fiance Omar White when he was... 10 years apart from one another.
9 Jennifer Aniston
Jennifer Aniston is everyone's crush. She's got an incredible body and a beautiful face, but that's not it. Hollywood is full of sexy women, it's virtually a prerequisite to being a leading lady: You just have to have a rockin' bod. But Jennifer seems to have more – she seems genuine, sweet and even kind.
Yes, Jenny is so cute (and that cuteness is the heart of her sexiness) that she could push a pregnant woman down a mile of stairs and her smile might make it all better. I can't really imagine her grabbing her boytoy and pushing him toward the bed, but it wouldn't be hard to imagine her casually stepping out of an adjoining room nude.
Rozonda Thomas, AKA Chili, is 43 and looks like that. I mean, come on, it's not even fair. I fully expect to find a body like that on a twenty-something cheerleader, and I do not expect that cheerleader's figure to last until she's in her forties.
I am genuinely glad that I am writing this article, because I would never have known that 1/3rd of TLC remained this damn sexy for all these years.
7 Halle Berry
This is the body of a very seductive 47 year old woman. Look at her face. You just saw her wading into the water. You walked up to her and said something along the lines of, “Mind if I join you?” This is her formulating her response, a response that will include the phrase, “After you drop your pants,” and her soaking wet dress being flung at you.
It is rare that I look at a woman that is not a Russian Olympic wrestler and think I couldn't handle her, but Halle makes me a little nervous.
But not too nervous, if you know what I mean.
6 Demi Moore
The first woman to secure a $12 million paycheck from Hollywood is the beautiful Demi Moore. If ever there was a woman who was just too sexy it is she. I must admit that I have enjoyed a grand total of one of her films (GI Jane) but that does not prevent me from looking at that photo of her and wishing it was I she was looking at with that expression.
Ashton Kutcher, who could probably be with any woman in Hollywood, once chose Demi Moore for his wife, and I cannot say as I would have done any differently.
5 Eva Longoria
I've always found Eva Longoria to be just classically beautiful in a slinky, naughty sort of way. Who wouldn't? There's something about her that you just can't put your finger on, no matter how much you plead to her bodyguard. But if it were possible, that thing would be her whole damn body.
She looks like a cross between a long distance runner, a ballroom dancer, and a stripper. If you can look at those lips and not want to kiss them, you are a much stronger man that I.
4 Ashley Judd
Sigh Hi, Ashley. It was very kind of you to answer the door in your negligee but I am starting to feel a little faint. Maybe it's how revealing it is. Maybe it's the color. Maybe you should toss it under my bed. Good god, you look hot. And I mean that literally – you look a little flushed. Do you need me to trace this ice cube over your skin for a few days?
Sorry folks, had to get that out of the way. Ashley is the only 46 year old that I can think of that upon seeing in that state of undress I'd want to throw over my shoulder and spank all the way to the bedroom. If we made it that far.
3 Jennifer Lopez
Jenny from the block, known for having the most bodacious booty in all of christendom, islamidom and jewidom, cannot be left out of any Hollywood cougar list. Never one to fly in the face of convention, I here humbly submit an image of a lady that I would love to humbly submit to.
No, that's not true. I wouldn't want her telling me what to do – I'd much more want to give her a harsh spanking. That's right. Jennifer Lopez is 45 years old and she still has a nicer ass than most college girls.
2 Gwyneth Paltrow
Gwyneth Paltrow, seen here covered in the broken hearts of everyone who is only now learning that she is married, usually looks so sweet and innocent that even her pictures giggle. But there is quite obviously a sultry side to the milk-and-honey like beauty.
God, just look at her. She looks ready to get slick with someone else's sweat right now. Those smoky eyes – they're disappointed the agency only sent two bodybuilders to take care of her. I'm sorry, Gwyn. Our mistake. I'll hop in to fill the gap.
1 Cameron Diaz
Is that not the quintessential beach girl? Is there anything you'd rather be right now than the man she is lustily contemplating? I think there is. Her bikini. Damn. May I be the millionth writer to quip, 'there's something about Cameron?'
There really is – even playing an utterly helpless klutz she's still just undeniably sexy. Bravo, Cameron, you're one sexy cougar.
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