Valentine’s Day is a a perfect holiday for corporate America to take all of our money while also, somehow ruining our lives one gift at a time. There is always so much pressure that goes along with this Hallmark holiday. Men never know what to buy, while women like to look down the grocery store isles and drool over the ridiculous amounts of candy and chocolate at unbelievably cheap prices, all the while hoping their significant other catches on to all the hints they’ve been dropping for the past week or two. And if they don’t catch on, well…it won’t be a very good Valentine’s Day.
According to eNation, around 233 million roses were purchased last year. This holiday also sells the most fresh flowers per year. Over half of the gift givers in 2014 will buy candy while spending $1.6 billion, according to the National Retail Foundation. And another one-third will buy flowers.
How much do you think men usually spend on this holiday? $50? $75? Nope. This year, men will spend an average of $175 which is significantly higher than women spending $88. Well ladies, if you’re man isn’t spending that amount of money on you for Valentine’s Day, you should show them this list. These are the 10 gifts not to give your special lady this Valentine’s Day. Take notes guys, you might need it. So pay attention.
10. Grocery Store Flowers
Flowers with the beautiful plastic and informative price tag are a true classic. You see them all over the store when you run in for a $4.00 gallon of milk. If a bouquet of flowers costs as much as your milk, you may want to second guess that decision. No woman wants her man to come home with an array of cheap flowers in an unappealing presentation. The least you could do is buy a nice vase, remember to lose the price tag and put a nice personal card on top. Which you can probably buy at the same time. Although you can do things the cheap way, maybe next time you can try calling a florist a week or two before the deadline and order a single long stem red rose or even take the time to find out her favorite flower and surprise her with it. The moral of the story is, avoid grocery store flowers. She deserves some thought in her gift!
9. Adult Films
Adult stars probably wouldn’t even appreciate this gift. Valentine’s Day is about celebrating the love you have for your lover! Or, wannabe lover. Why throw in a distraction? If you don’t have a romantic bone in your body, use your imagination. That’s what the internet is for. It has all the answers you could ever ask for. But steer clear of the porn on the internet while you’re searching for a romantic idea. The two usually do not coincide with one another.
8. A Self-Portrait
Who doesn’t want a framed picture of their significant other to put up on the wall for all to see? Every girl, right? Wrong. We understand if you think you’re good looking, maybe even really good looking. But chances are, she already thinks of you as her good looking man, so don’t beat a dead horse. Your valentine must be a very special lady if she’s willing to tolerate your level of arrogance. But just this once, try giving her something that she would enjoy. If you are set in stone about a framed picture, what about a picture of the two of you together? Relationships are hard, we know.
7. Home Appliances
If you feel the need to get new appliances or necessities for the house, the most insulting thing you could possibly do is wrap them up and call them a present for your sweetheart. You live in the house too, don’t you? So, why is it their responsibility to sacrifice their Valentine’s present? That just doesn’t seem very fair. If someone gives you an appliance that will benefit the entire household, try taking those benefits away from the person who gifted it to you. For example, if you received a vacuum, don’t clean their side of the room. Find some way to make them regret this horrible gift, and you won’t ever get a home appliance for Valentine’s Day again. You might get one on Christmas or your birthday, but not Valentine’s Day!
6. Cheap or cheap used Jewelry
Valentine’s Day has made jewelers ten times wealthier. Although there are many who are willing to spend some big bucks on their valentine, there are always the winners who choose not to. Guys, we’ll let you in on a little secret. If you are going to give her cheap jewelry, don’t give her any jewelry at all. She can tell what’s cheap and what’s not. She will also be able to tell very quickly, if you’re that guy. Instead of wasting your money on something that will break in two weeks, why not settle for some of her favorite chocolate? It’s a known aphrodisiac anyway, so go ahead and kill two birds with one stone.
And if you’re thinking of re-gifting, you must be hungry for some money or maybe you aren’t the biggest fan of your sweetheart. Either way, maybe you should put her out of her misery. It can’t be easy for someone to find out their gift was initially intended for someone else. If you think she won’t find out…she will.
5. Dinner in a Crowded Restaurant
Wasn’t this a scene in the movie Valentine’s Day? You know, the one with Anne Hathaway and the guy from That 70’s Show? It seems like such a fun experience because they are sitting literally less than a foot away from the next table who happen to be making out over their appetizers. If you’re lucky, you might be able to get in on the amusing lover’s spat that the 16 year old couple is having six inches away from you. Sounds fun! Instead of dropping a wad of cash in a crowded restaurant on the night that you will have the all-time worst service, why don’t you impress your valentine with a romantic home cooked meal? A little effort on your part will surely be rewarded. Especially if it involves food.
4. Gift Cards
Really? A gift card was your “go-to” V-Day gift? Lucky for you, girls just love it when guys lack originality or any type of common sense. At least try to be thoughtful this Valentine’s Day. Giving her a gift card, is like telling your valentine she’s your hooker for the night. You don’t care what she likes or have the intention of finding out, but you’ll give her some money because you think it will keep her around long enough. Understand gift cards are great just not on the day that is all about love and romance, a Home Depot gift card will not get you to a home run. The only happy ending you’ll be having that night is when you get home alive.
3. Gym Memberships/Work Out Videos
This has to be, by far, the best gift anyone has ever given, especially on the most romantic day of the year. I’m guessing the person giving this gift, likes to be single. It is most likely the easiest way to break-up with someone without having to actually say a word. If you’re doing this in public, the only ones enjoying this transaction will be the people watching it happen. The woman sitting at the next table will probably be rooting for your soon-to-be “ex” to throw her strawberry champagne in your face. Oh, and don’t forget to tip the server generously, they will be cleaning up the mess you made, and quite possibly be the only person willing to look you in the eye after the uproar you caused.
Everyone wants a gym membership, but no one wants to be told they need one on Valentine’s Day. It doesn’t ever hurt to get a second opinion guys.
Anyone who says this is lying. Especially women. Even if they don’t desire tangible items, women still expect something. It doesn’t matter how poor you are, there is always something special you can do for your lady. Every woman wants you to read her mind, so make sure to read in between the lines when she says, “Oh, you don’t have to get me anything. All I need is you for Valentine’s Day.” So, this is the perfect opportunity to make her believe that you are psychic. Surprise her with whatever you can. Even the women who throw parties against this greeting card holiday, still expect to eat chocolate together. Women are many things, but what they do best is trick their men into traps they didn’t know existed. Men, don’t walk into the trap. Be smart, and do something this Valentine’s Day.
1. A Break-Up
Breaking up with someone on Valentine’s Day is almost as bad as breaking up with someone on their birthday. Regardless of how you feel about this person, just stick it out for the night. Go on a double date so it’s a bit more bearable. Don’t ruin their Valentine’s Day because you didn’t have the courage to get the words out the week before the big day. Obviously, there are exceptions to this rule; cheating, physical harm, or maybe they are just straight crazy. But for the most part, just choose to not ruin the holiday for someone you chose to date in the first place.
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