A common resolution amongst many is to settle differences with a rival and move on in life. When diplomacy fails, sometimes the proverbial gloves just need to be dropped in order to truly move on from a grudge.
Celebrities are no different. Whether real or an attempt to merely get one's name in the headlines, such feuds grab our attention just as much as who is leading in the polls or who is playing in the big game this weekend. As consumers of entertainment, we have this intrinsic desire to see these celebrities throw down once and for all. While the odds of this happening in reality are very low (unless, of course, Celebrity Boxing makes a comeback), that doesn't stop us from day dreaming of what could be. And with that, here are the Top Eleven Celebrity Grudge Matches we'd love to see in 2016, and who would win.
11 Katy Perry vs. Taylor Swift
Who doesn't love a good cat fight? Add a mud pit to the center of the ring and we may have ourselves a winner. The beef between Perry and Swift is so deliciously awesome that it is reminiscent of the implosion of the Mega Powers back in the 80s when Randy "Macho Man" Savage turned on Hulk Hogan. It is the classic tale of former friends turned enemies; only in this case Perry is Savage, Swift is Hogan, and John Mayer is Miss Elizabeth.
10 Meek Mill vs. The Entire Rap World Handicap Match
The on-going list of people that have a beef with rapper Meek Mill reads like a “who’s who” in the world of talking over synthesized beats. Some of the top names in hip-hop have an axe to grind with Mr. Mill... and for good reason too, whether it is Drake or 50 Cent. All of these feuds started with Meek firing the first (metaphorical... as far as we know) shots and talking trash about the others for no apparent reason. Next came the inevitable and infantile back-and-forth via Twitter, and we’re left with the potential for a historic bruhaha.
9 Jennifer Aniston vs. Angelina Jolie
Much like the Guns N' Roses reunion, this fight would be happening about 10 years too late, but still have the "star power" to make even the average fan tune in. Everyone remembers the infamous dumping of Jennifer Aniston by Brad Pitt and which side they came down on in the infamous Team Jennifer vs. Team Angelina debate. And while Aniston moved on and Pitt/Jolie are off forming their own little United Nations, no one can believe that there isn't at least some animosity left between the two. As the saying goes, "hell hath no fury..."
8 JJ Abrams vs. George Lucas
This fight has "nerd-gasm" written all over it and is the classic embodiment of a "lovers' quarrel.” Lucas proverbially dumped Star Wars for something younger when he sold it to Disney, claiming he "wanted to go into a new stage of life." Star Wars then found a new life itself with Abrams. Now Lucas' jealousy is over-flowing as he watches another guy move on with his “baby.”
7 Bridget Moynahan vs. Gisele Bundchen
If Jen vs. Angie is a main event, then this battle undoubtedly would be the undercard. The battle of "Tom Brady Baby Mommas” has been building for the last ten years as well. And much like Jen vs. Angie, this saga is the same soap opera. Brady and Moynahan dated for about two years before Brady suddenly broke it off and began dating Victoria's Secret supermodel and professional vegan Gisele Bundchen. Soon thereafter, Moynahan announced she was pregnant with Brady's child. Brady, in turn, ended up marrying Bundchen which unquestionably had to sting for Moynahan.
6 Jay Leno vs. Conan O’Brien
Call this one a stereotypical battle of the aging superstar versus the young back-up. For years, Jay Leno was the affable host of The Tonight Show. As the time drew near for him to pass to the torch to the next host, NBC essentially promised the gig to Conan O’Brien when Jay was ready to hang up his microphone. After Leno stepped down, O’Brien stepped in as quarterback of late night gab fests only to have it unceremoniously taken back from him by the network after a short stint; supposedly to accommodate Leno’s new show.
5 Kanye West and The Kardashians vs. Amber Rose
4 Dave Grohl/Paul McCartney vs. Courtney Love/Yoko Ono Tag Match
Dave Grohl of Nirvana and Paul McCartney of The Beatles have respectively traded barbs with Courtney Love (aka Mrs. Kurt Cobain) and Yoko Ono (aka Mrs. John Lennon) over the years for their roles in their legendary bands’ untimely demises. Whether or not you care to believe that any fences have been mended as has been reported, it is hard to imagine that hostility does not still remain the flavor of the day for these two rock legends.
3 Kardashian Family Battle Royale
2 Donald Trump vs. INSERT NAME HERE
Rosie O’Donnell. Hillary Clinton. Megyn Kelly. Martha Stewart. Cher. Notice a pattern here? It’s no secret that presidential candidate and part-time misogynist Donald Trump has had his fair share of celebrity beefs; mostly with those of the opposite sex. Whether he is calling O’Donnell a “fat pig” or making statements about Cher’s plastic surgery, however obvious, The Donald does not lack competition.
1 Tom Brady vs. Roger Goodell
This one was bound to be at the top of the list given the incessant war of words through the media over the last year. Just to recap, Goodell claimed Brady "affected the integrity of the game" of football by supposedly deflating some footballs, which Brady vehemently denied. Goodell suspended Brady anyway without any hard evidence; Brady sued the NFL in federal court and unsurprisingly won. The NFL is now appealing the court's ruling in a last ditch attempt to try to save face in front of both the owners and player's association. Essentially, Brady feels Goodell is trying to tarnish his legacy; Goodell undoubtedly knows Brady demolished his credibility and authority. If there was ever a feud that needed to be settled in the ring this year, this is the one. However, it is not a question of if Tom Brady would beat Roger Goodell in a fight so much as how. In fact, this fight would be over so fast that it would be about as anti-climatic as Anchorman 2. Upon Brady's entrance, Goodell would immediately be stunned by Brady's aura long enough for one swift Ugg-booted kick from Brady to the face. And in his best Ivan Drago impersonation, Brady would deliver his "I cannot be defeated” speech standing over Goodell.
Sources: variety.com, nme.com, people.com
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