Canada has done plenty to make a name for itself in just under 150 years as a country. The country has a reasonably prosperous economy, a fairly happy population overall, no real enemies, except for maybe ISIS right now, but who don't they hate? The government is huge and wastes an absurd amount of money, but the food is plentiful for the most part and the buildings seldom fall over, most Canucks only have first world problems.
We also produce some decent celebrities. That stunning blonde Elisha Cuthbert who used to star on 24, she's from Calgary. Still about half of all pro hockey players are Canadian, as are a few baseball players here and there, and of course Steve Nash, who tore up the NBA for a few years. In the world of comedy, names like Dan Aykroyd, Mike Myers and Norm MacDonald are all from the Great White North. Looking to the world of music, this relatively small country (in terms of population) has come up with Rush, The Tragically Hip and Neil Young. But you can't win 'em all, and not all celebrities are created equal. For every great athlete, funny person, band or actor, there is inevitably one who is an absolute waste of space. Here are fifteen celebrities Canada can start to apologize for any time now.
15 Alex Trebek
14 Dallas Green
13 Russell Peters (Mostly for his recent work)
Here's the thing, about ten years ago, Russell Peters was one of the funniest guys in the world. Unfortunately, as they say, all good things come to an end. All of his best bits had to do with his Indian ancestry and his early life living in a suburb, Brampton, just outside of Toronto. For a few years, you could say "somebody gonna get a hurt, real bad!" (one of his signature lines, said while impersonating his father) in a crowded room and people around you would look over and start chuckling.
12 Michael Cera
11 Celine Dion
Celine Dion has a set of lungs that produce an undeniably loud and distinct sound. Beyond that, there is a mule face and not much else. She tricked a ton of Americans into thinking she's worth paying money to see, but so have The Black Eyed Peas and Pauly Shore, so it's not like she's in necessarily great company there.
10 Ted Cruz
This one really depends on your political views, as Ted Cruz is about as polarizing as the other major figures in the current POTUS election. If you're a fan of neoconservative foreign policy, along with religion-based social thought, sorry for including Ted Cruz on this list. If you're pro-choice, love illegal immigration and socialist healthcare, you're welcome. Either way, he was born in Calgary, Alberta, before moving with his parents (both Americans) to Texas.
9 Justin Trudeau
8 William Shatner
7 Bryan Adams
I will say two good things about Kingston, Ontario's Bryan Adams before I let the bad stuff fly. He plays guitar well, and I can't really have a problem with his artistry. Furthermore, I applaud him for the trick he played on everyone with the song Summer of '69. This song is most definitely not (as many "wholesome" fans want to believe) about the year 1969; Adams was 10 at the time. It is a reference to the sexual position.
6 Post-2000 Jim Carrey
In the 1990s, Jim Carrey was one of the funniest men on Earth. In living Color was a painfully good sketch comedy, and his movies, from the Ace Ventura films to Dumb and Dumber and Liar Liar were fall-out-of-your-chair-laughing hilarious. Unfortunately, he went downhill fast in the late 90s.
5 Pam Anderson
4 Hayden Christensen (As Darth Vader)
3 Avril Lavigne
2 Nickelback (Mostly Chad Kroeger)
We couldn't include Avril Lavigne without discussing her former husband and his band. Chad Kroeger has one of those voices that make people from Cape Spear (Canada's most eastern point) to the Yukon Territory hit themselves in the ears with hockey sticks. The production studio in which these guys record is the musical equivalent to an abortion clinic.
1 Justin Bieber
Early on in his career, Justin Bieber wasn't so bad. He was a young kid with a wimpy looking haircut, singing a garbage love song with a high voice. At that point, one could at least avoid him, much like any other effeminate lad in the music business. Sadly for the world, he has blossomed into a full-blown scumbag, having sustained criticism for mistreating his fans, mistreating animals, being a danger to others, disrespecting law enforcement and numerous other counts of inconceivable douchebaggery.
Is this guy the worst Canadian out there? Probably not, as Canada has Holocaust deniers, racial supremacists of all colors, and our share of serial killers, but when it comes to people who have achieved fame and fortune, Justin Bieber is one Canadian we can all apologize for, but with that said, he's yours now, America, good luck with that.
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