Some movies are absolute classics, regardless of when they were made and released. It wouldn't matter when we came across them, we'd still love them all the same. However, there are a ton of movies that simply wouldn't work if they were made right now. The entire reason for that is because we have the Internet. The Internet, while it makes our lives easier in many ways, takes classic movies and completely renders them non-existent. That might be a bad thing for cinema going forward, but that's not the conversation we're having today.
Here are twelve movies that are classics, but that wouldn't have gone down how they did if they had the Internet. Sure, the characters might be happier with the Internet, but it would make for some pretty boring cinema.
Jaws is probably the movie that codified the summer blockbuster as a thing in modern culture. It has all the trappings of what makes big summer movies notable: a lot of action and a lot of money at the box office. However, this movie would not have been a thing at all if any of the characters had been able to use the Internet.
Think about it. Sure, great white sharks are scary looking, and I wouldn't want to have one circling me while I'm minding my own business swimming, but they're not especially hard to kill. They're kind of dumb, to be honest. Even if Richard Dreyfuss and Company failed to kill the great white the first time, if they'd had the Internet, they could have just taken the question to Reddit or Twitter, and some shark hunter would have provided the answer for them. Even if that failed, the beach-goers could have simply done a Google search when the bodies started turning up, and there would have been some blogger there documenting the experience and warning people to stay away.
Psycho is a classic for good reason: it pushed the envelope for what was acceptable in mainstream cinema, it's the inspiration for three sequels and a TV show, among other things, and it was even considered "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant" by the Library of Congress! That's nothing to sneeze at. However, if we'd had the Internet in 1960, we wouldn't have this movie, or any of the material that was directly and indirectly inspired by it.
For one, Marion wouldn't have been at that hotel: she would have simply gotten an AirBnB. For another, if she hadn't done that, she would have Googled the Bates Motel and gotten all of the reports about the other women disappearing, and the news story about Norman Bates murdering his mother and her boyfriend, and she would have driven right on by. She'd probably have gotten arrested for embezzling all that money, but she wouldn't be dead, now would she?
10 127 Hours
9 Phone Booth
8 The Ring
The Ring is a really creepy movie about a videotape that kills the viewer seven days after you watch it. A lot of the drama hinges on the videotape itself, and who watched what copy of it, which absolutely wouldn't be a thing if Naomi Watts had had the Internet to work with. Let's be real here: some kids have never operated a VCR before. There are kids being born right now that have never seen a videotape before. Everything is DVDs, streaming and Blu-Ray now. If there's the chance of a cursed VHS somewhere, chances are someone would have had it converted and uploaded it to YouTube before anyone had a chance to actually watch the original tape. There would have been memes all over the Internet, and the legend of Samara and the cursed videotape wouldn't have been a thing at all. The tape wouldn't kill anybody since the video itself would be a copy, and it's not like Samara, as creepy as she is, could crawl out of every cell phone screen. They're simply too small.
7 Home Alone
Home Alone absolutely would not have been a thing if they'd had the Internet. For one, there are apps that can tell you exactly where your kid, or at least your kid's phone, is at all times. For another, since we all know that Kevin would have a cell phone and access to the Internet, he absolutely would have been posting everything that was going on, including the takedown of the Wet Bandits. Not only would they know exactly what he was doing, they'd be able to contact him and see how things were going. They might even be able to FaceTime him to make sure he didn't burn the house down. If Kevin had had the Internet, he probably wouldn't have made all of that trouble at all, since he'd be too busy binge-watching anime and playing games on Steam.
6 The Silence Of The Lambs
5 The Talented Mr. Ripley
4 The Breakfast Club
Who doesn't love The Breakfast Club? Sadly, this is another one of those movies that might not have happened if the Brat Pack had had the Internet. Five teenagers in completely different social circles, left alone in a room for hours with nothing to do? They'd be on their social networking sites faster than the teacher could leave the room. Sure, they might end up getting each other's Instagram accounts at the end of the day, and maybe they'd talk a little bit, but they might not have had the cathartic conversations that they'd had throughout the movie if they'd been focused on beating the next Candy Crush level.
2 Play Misty For Me
1 Romeo + Juliet
No matter how you feel about Baz Luhrmann's later films, you probably have to agree that Romeo + Juliet is a great movie, and it really is. It modernizes one of the most famous Shakespearian plays while still keeping the original dialogue, which is no small feat. However, the movie was modernized for its 1990s audience, not today's audience of Internet users. Sure, it was cool to see the swords and knives turn into guns for this movie, but imagine how useful it would have been for poor Romeo if he'd known that Juliet was faking? A lot would have been different if Friar Lawrence had simply shot Romeo a DM or a text saying "hey bro, Juliet's faking her death to save your marriage, don't worry about her" when everything was happening with her. That way, we would have gotten a lot less dramatics in the crypt, and Romeo wouldn't have offed himself with seconds before Juliet woke up. Sure, that would have made for a very anticlimactic tragedy, but it would have kept everyone alive. Also, with the Internet, Mercutio's fabulousness would have been immortalized on YouTube, and he probably wouldn't have died, either. Now that's the real tragedy.
Leave A Comment
Looking for an AD FREE EXPERIENCE on TheRichest?Get Your Free Access Now!