The internet is ingrained in our everyday lives. We use it for work, for staying in touch with friends, to read current events and of course, the internet’s eternal sweetheart, to look at, er, adult entertainment. Most recently, the latter two came together in the form of Kim Kardashian, who posed completely nude for Paper Magazine. The magazine boasted that her larger than life, centaur-esque backside was bound to break the internet.
While we agree that Kim’s derriere is impressive, proclaiming that it was going to break the internet was somewhat of a lofty statement considering everything we’ve seen before Kim decided to roll around in olive oil and pose for a picture. In fact, it really didn’t even come close to breaking the internet when you compare it to some of the events/people that have graced the interwebs in the past few years. But since we know the internet also has a short attention span, here’s a reminder of the ten things that already broke the internet better than Kim Kardashian.
10. The ALS “Ice Bucket” Challenge
The ALS challenge is probably still fresh in your memory because everyone, from Rihanna to the guy who delivers your Chinese food, participated in the challenge. It started out simply enough as a movement to bring awareness to Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) in the form of a challenge involving dumping ice cold water on your head and inviting others to do the same and/or donating $100.00 to the cause. Blame it on the economy or the unusually hot summer we had, but almost everyone opted to do the former and get soaked for a good cause. It became so popular that it even caused a bit of a backlash on the west coast, with some people criticizing participants for wasting precious water during a severe drought. ALS pretty much became the rock star of the internet and good causes.
9. Antoine Dodson (AKA: “Hide yo kids, Hide yo wife” guy)
The news is usually..well, the news; as in, most of the time, it’s a bigger bummer than sugar-free chocolate. So it came as a complete surprise when the entire country took notice of a beam of sunshine by the name of Antoine Dodson, who broke through the bleak cloud of news and brightened up our laptops and cell phones. It started out as your run-of-the-mill news report on an attempted rape on Antoine’s sister that then turned into magic when Antoine, recounting the story, warned his neighbors to ‘hide yo kids, hide yo wife, they rapin’ errrybody out here’ that was then followed by thinly veiled threats and insults to the would-be rapist. Basically, everything he said was internet gold and something we all immediately wanted to put on a T-shirt. Run and tell that…homeboy.
8. Gangnam Style
If you had told music industry moguls that a pudgy Korean guy who barely spoke English would dominate the charts, you would be laughed out of the room so hard, you’d be deaf. And no one would blame them because no one could have possibly predicted that “Gangnam Style” would be the biggest pop song in the world in 2012, especially in the U.S., where most of us had no idea what the hell he was saying. But despite the language barrier, the song become a national obsession, along with riding an air horse and calling it dancing. Apparently that’s all it takes to bring a nation together. If only we had somehow covered him in Nutella, there would be world peace by now.
7. Mateo (AKA: The “Listen Linda” Kid)
Is there anything cuter than precocious kids? And in this case, by precocious we mean ‘back talking, sassy little shit,’ because that’s exactly what Mateo was all about. The only difference between him and other back talking little shits that made this video an internet sensation? This little guy argues like a grown-ass man who was talking to someone beneath him. If you listen closely, there’s definitely a ‘bitch PLEASE.’ tone in his voice. Even though no one had any idea what he was trying to say, the fact that he said it like a cocky lawyer had us all on rooting for him (and sharing his video ad nauseam).
6. The Selfie Heard ‘Round The World
Oh celebrities! They insist they’re just like us! Gone are the seemingly mythical Gods and Goddess celebrities of yesteryear who were sparkly and seemingly untouchable. Nowadays, we want our celebrities to be beautiful, talented AND someone we can relate to and what can be more relatable than taking a selfie? In 2014, Ellen DeGeneres had America loving her ‘down to earthy-ness’ when she excitedly took a selfie with friends at the Oscars like we all would if we were there. However, unlike us, her ‘friends’ consisted of people like Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Jennifer Lawrence, to name a few. The Oscar Selfie then reached mythical proportions when it became the single most retweeted tweet in Twitter history.
5. Robin Williams’ Death
When someone funny dies, it stings us all just a little bit more because they take the unique brand of joy they give to everyone with them. So when news of Robin Williams death spread, we all mourned. For the first time in a long time, the internet virtually held hands and grieved his loss together. For days, news of his death was shared, tweeted and reshared again by people all around the world. Robin Williams gave us years of hilariousness through his movies, t.v. shows, his stand-up and pretty much every interview he ever gave. His death came as a shock to everyone but the way he passed on was an even bigger shock to us all. No one would have guessed that behind all the rainbows, smiles and laughs, was a desperate and sad man standing alone in his own personal rainstorm that no one could save him from.
4. Sweet Brown (AKA “Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That!”)
Shortly after we fawned over Antoine Dodson, the local news yet again discovered another diamond in the rough by the name of Sweet Brown who mistakenly thought the fire that ravaged her apartment complex was just a late night barbecue. She eventually realized it was a fire and made her escape sans shoes, speaking to her Lord Jesus the entire time. Her appearance on the news lasted less than twenty seconds but it was enough to make everyone on the internet fall in love with Sweet Brown and her bronchitis that didn’t have time for all that fire and smoke shit.
3. Britney Spears 2007 MTV Performance
Britney Spears had tongues wagging at her incredible performance of “Oops I Did It Again” at the MTV Awards in 2000, so when she was slated to perform in the 2007 MTV awards, we were expecting more of the same. But after a few seconds into her performance, with her exposed weave tracks and badly lip syncing the first few lines of “Trouble” – everyone knew, this was not the Britney Spears superstar we had seen seven years earlier. A shadow of her former self, the heavy lidded Britney sleepwalked and stumbled around the stage like a bad marionette with its strings cut. Britney’s fall from grace happened in front of world and the world jumped all over it on the internet like lions on a sack of raw meat.
2. Susan Boyle’s Britain’s Got Talent Audition
Susan Boyle was a modern-day ugly duckling story come to life and it was something the internet couldn’t get enough of because who doesn’t love to root for the underdog? Susan Boyle was an ordinary woman with slightly overgrown eyebrows. She wasn’t fancy and the audience and judges of Britain’s Got Talent visibly dismissed her before she even began her audition. But in a surprising turn of events, inside the seemingly simple package, was a voice so extraordinary it blew the hairs on Simon Cowell‘s nipples back. Susan Boyle opened her mouth and transformed from an awkward, 48-year-old who had never been kissed, to a beautiful and vivacious goddess who immediately became the poster child for underdogs everywhere. Even more satisfying? The fact that she transformed Piers Morgan‘s smug condescending face into that of a teary fan girl.
1. Britney Shaves Her Head
Britney had the world’s attention yet again in 2007 when reports surfaced that she had gone full-on Sinead and shaved her head completely bald. The world’s most beloved pop star had lost her ever lovin’ mind and the internet followed suit. The scrutiny, adoration and fame that Britney received at the height of her career was intense and would have driven even the most well adjusted person into the loony bin. Sadly, it ate up on a young girl who probably just wanted to sing and dance for a living. As BRITNEY SPEARS the brand grew, so did all the money-sucking vampires it employed and in 2007, the cash cow broke from the pressure. The internet was riveted by her downfall, like it was some kind of surprise.
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