10 Things About The Female Period Men Will Never Understand

None of us likes to talk about this stuff, but we know you're thinking about it.  Why is she so whiny once a month?  Does she think of her period as an excuse to complain?  Maybe it's all in her head?

Pardon my bluntness, but that's some pretty asinine thinking.  Her period is a natural process that she has to go through every month.  If we could stop our periods without causing serious physiological damage, we absolutely would!  It's the one part of menopause we're all looking forward to.

Speaking as a woman, men frequently misunderstand what's happening during a menstrual cycle.  This is the body's natural method of preparing women for child bearing and birthing, which will also, by the way, totally suck.  Once a month something is forced out of our vaginas, and we have cramps similar to contractions and endure flu-like symptoms.

We'd like you to better understand where we're coming from.  Men are so fortunate to not have a biological process like this that they must regularly endure.  We've learned to live with it, but that doesn't mean you should expect us to pretend that nothing is wrong.  We're physically unwell and a little understanding would go a long way.

We're just asking you to try to empathize with what we're going through.  But, to do that, you need to know a little bit more about what we're going through.  Read up, boys.  Here's 10 things about periods men will never understand.

10 The Uterus Swells To Ridiculous Sizes

An average, healthy, empty (meaning, not pregnant) uterus looks fine any normal day of the month. While a woman is on her period, you ask? It's two times bigger and two times heavier.

9 We Will Undoubtedly Ruin At Least One Article of Clothing A Month

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Even if we take every precaution to control our periods and the mess that comes with them, something will happen that will ruin our clothes.  Sometimes we don't bring enough tampons with us when we're stuck out of the house all day; sometimes our period strikes when we least expect it; sometimes we're so busy that we can't tell our hygiene products need to be changed until they've failed us; and sometimes the red sea just flows out of us and there is no stopping it.

8 Periods Are Totally Unpredictable

Well, maybe not totally. Without medication, we can still usually tell when our periods will come within a range of a few days. We can generally predict when our period will come (and if we're on birth control, we know exactly when things will get messy).

But that's not what I'm talking about: periods vary in intensity month to month. It may be light and painless one month, and then like a scene from The Shining the next month.Yeah, it's kind of disgusting!  And we're the ones that have to deal with it every month.

7 She's Not PMS-ing While She's On Her Period

Guys tend to blame intense emotional reactions and hormonal outbreaks on a period. Newsflash: our hormones break out before our periods.  Do you guys even know what PMS stands for?  Premenstrual syndrome. "Pre" means before.

6 The Lining Of Her Uterus Is Being Shed. AND. IT. HURTS.

Let's dig into some of the biological details.  You should have a good idea of what's happening in there if you're going to understand why we're in such pain.

Before and during ovulation (when women are most likely to become pregnant), estrogen and progesterone build up in the lining of a woman's uterus.  If a woman were to become pregnant, the fertilized egg would attach to this lining and it would nourish the egg.  If a woman isn't impregnated, then the levels of these hormones decrease and the lining of the uterus and the unfertilized egg are shed because they are no longer needed.

5 Carrying Around Unlimited Supply of Tampons, Liners, and Pads Is Expensive And Annoying

Do you think we like carrying purses?  We don't!  We hate our purses!  If we could fit everything we need in our coat pockets or jeans, we would, but we need too much stuff!  If we're on our periods, we've got to carry around at least three tampons or pads (plus extras, depending on how intense our period is that day), a couple of liners, and whatever else we need to control the pain that comes with a period (pill bottles or containers filled with Midol or Advil).

4 Our Energy Is Zapped Away

Before our period came, we felt like Beyonce at the half-time show: we could take over the world, NOTHING WAS GOING TO STOP US!  Except the uterus.

When our period comes, our energy is zapped out of us for the foreseeable future.  Before we had medications to control the pain of menstrual cramps or hygiene products to keep ourselves clean, women on their periods were laid up on bed rest for the duration.  Even today in impoverished countries, women on their periods stay home from school and work until the bleeding stops.  Remember the biological process described earlier?  Our bodies are going through a lot and need rest.

3 We Want To Eat Everything, But Everything Makes Us Sick

Our periods make us insatiably hungry.  It's part of our bodies feeling like they're in a state of recuperation.  We want sleep and we want food.  The hormones rising while on our periods balance out with serotonin and cortisol; therefore we crave foods high in these chemicals, like fried and sugary foods (there goes our diet).  Unfortunately after we eat anything, we feel incurably nauseous.

2 We Want To Have Intercourse With Everything...But Don't Touch Us

When we're on our periods, we feel ill.  Imagine having the flu and a significant other that wanted to have sex with you regardless.  It's frustrating and our bodies actually hurt.

That doesn't mean we don't want to have sex.  There's a common urban myth that women can't have sex while on their periods:  NOT TRUE.  We can have sex, and a lot of us want to!  Our fluctuating hormones make us crazy horny.  It's just... messy.

1 Our Cycles Don't Sync Up

Here's another urban myth: when women spend time together, their cycles sync.  False.  Although there are theories, there is absolutely no clinical proof that this happens.  What did you think, we have Bluetooth in our vaginas?

If it is true, it's due to pheromones that women pick up on after living with each other for extended periods of time.  However, there is really no proof.  Most of these theories come from women who lived together and told stories about having periods at the same time.  Sounds super exciting, right?

Truth be told: there's only so many weeks in a month.  The likelihood that periods will overlap is pretty high.  Don't get your panties in a twist if your girlfriend and your mom are PMS-ing at the same time.  Suck it up, don't complain, and get them some chocolate - at least you don't have to hemorrhage out of your penis every month.


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10 Things About The Female Period Men Will Never Understand