In our modern society, it seems that the standard date of dinner and a movie has been replaced with “Netflix and chill.” While Netflix and chill implies watching a movie and getting lucky after (or possibly during), the choice of the film can effect whether or not the “chill” part of the evening actually occurs.
Watching a horror films with the lights dimmed seems like a sure fire way to end the date in the bedroom. Between scares on the screen, the adrenal rush, and the cuddling close for fear of the next time the psycho killer or demonic force or alien will pop up on screen, you would think that watching anything from the horror genre would guarantee getting lucky but that is not always the case.
Sometimes, horror film can be too gory to entice anyone to the bedroom afterwards. Who really wants to have sex after seeing blood and guts spilt in ways you never thought imaginable? That’s not the only deal breaker in terms of horror movies. Horror movies can also feature terrifying premises that, for one reason or another, make sex seem like the last thing your date would ever want to do.
Unfortunately, watching the wrong horror flick with a date can immediately put an end to the “chill” part of the evening before it even begins. Don’t make the mistake of watching these 10 movies on a date if you’re hoping to Netflix and chill properly.
10. It Follows (2014)
If you haven’t seen this critically acclaimed indie hit that was released earlier this year, you definitely should, but just not with a date with whom you’d like to have sex. This creepy movie starts out with an adolescent girl preparing to go on a date. After they have sex in the back seat of his car on said date, he smothers her with a chloroform soaked rag until she passes out. The girl wakes up in her underwear, duck tapped to a wheelchair as her date frantically explains that “it” will follow her around and try to kill her until she gives “it” away by having sex with someone else. As the movie continues, this poor girl is followed by “it” just because she had sex on a date. Yes, this eerie horror flick is guaranteed to have your date cuddling close to you afraid that “it” will appear on the screen, but it also serves as one big metaphor for STDs so it’s unlikely to get them all hot and bothered. For that matter, you may not even want to have sex after watching this STD allegory.
9. The Human Centipede (2009)
If you know the premise of this film, you should be well aware that this is not a date movie. For those of you who are unaware, this movie is about two girls on vacation in Europe who find themselves being held captive by a crazed doctor intent on creating a human centipede. You may be asking how one would create a human centipede. Well, the doctor conjoins the two girls and one other captive, connecting them mouth-to-anus. You read that correctly. If you are dating anyone who would actually be up for sex after watching this film, you should definitely rethink the relationship.
8. Honeymoon (2014)
A horror movie entitled Honeymoon is sure to be equal parts scary and romantic, right? Wrong. The movie about a couple spending their honeymoon in a secluded country cabin. Yes, they spend maybe ten romantic minutes together on the screen before the wife begins acting strange. It turns out her kooky behavior is due to her being abducted and possibly impregnated by aliens. Like any loving husband, he tries to get to the bottom of the mystery. When he figures out what is happening, his wife protects him by hiding him in a lake, drowning him. I told you she was acting kooky. Not only will this movie be scary for your date because of the content but it also questions intimacy between lovers, not making one want to hop into bed.
7. Scream (1996)
This teen slasher film is iconic in terms of pop culture. It takes horror movie tropes, points them out and makes fun of the entire genre, while still managing to be pretty scary itself. The fact that Scream bluntly points out horror movie rules is exactly why you should avoid this on a date. After hearing that rule number one is do not have sex because only virgins live, your date may not be in the mood. Can you blame them? The ability to survive in a horror movie might be the best reason for abstinence out there.
6. Teeth (2007)
This movie about a woman who has teeth in her vagina straddles between being a dark comedy and a horror movie, but even the comedic aspect will not lighten the mood enough to make your date interested in getting busy. Not many people would be too quick to leap into bed after watching the protagonist’s vagina literally bite off penises. Admittedly, this premise may actually be scarier to the male audience but the movie raises some feminist thoughts and features a rape scene, so most women won’t be too turned on after a viewing either.
5. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Whether you’re thinking of watching the classic 1974 slasher film or 2003 remake, just don’t. A movie about a family who murders people then wears their skin and turns their bones into furniture is not foreplay. Beyond that, the men are murdered in a rather quick fashion while the women in this film face both physical and emotional torture. Watching the “final girl” be gagged and forced to sit through a dinner, during which the sadistic family discusses how to kill her, is anything but romantic.
4. Antichrist (2009)
Watching a Lars von Trier horror movie means two things: you’ll be watching something visually beautiful on the screen but you’ll also be totally confused. If you’re attempting to prove to your date that you can be into artsy films, it’s a nice sentiment, but try it with a different film. The movie is about a couple going out to a cabin in the woods so they can heal after the death of their child. Yes, this film is emotionally heavy, considering you’re watching a couple deal with tragedy, but that’s not necessarily why you should avoid this film. For starters, you should avoid this film because of the genital mutilation, which is a perfectly good reason not to watch this on a date. Secondly, there is a sex scene that cuts back and forth between a child dying, which is not a very sexy association.
3. Paranormal Activity (2007)
Considering the fact that most of this movie about a woman being haunted by a demonic force takes place in the bedroom, it doesn’t make one too excited about being anywhere near a bedroom with the lights off ever again, let alone the same night. The fact that the relationship between the girlfriend and boyfriend becomes more and more rocky as the haunting intensifies also makes for a very awkward viewing on a date. The horrifying end of the film will definitely not make you trust the person who you are sharing a bed with.
2. Hostel (2005)
This is one of the films that helped put “torture porn” on the map, so probably don’t watch it on a date. While a horror film such as Saw will give you the same gore and fear factor, Hostel is especially frightening because unlike Saw, the victims have done nothing in the past for which they must atone or learn a lesson. The victims are simply normal kids, who are a bit too trusting, backpacking through Europe. They make the mistake of letting their guards down and end up prisoners in buildings where rich people can pay to torture and kill them. This movie will not make anyone want to relax and let their guard down. Ever.
1. Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
This is a horror movie about many disturbing things, but at the center of what is truly horrifying about this film is the fact that the husband lied to his wife and more or less sold her body to the devil. Though this film features much less gore than most horror films, it creeps towards a frantic third act during which a pregnant, vulnerable woman, who has dealt with invasive neighbors and has been made to feel unsafe in her own home, is believed to be delusional when she confesses her fears to her doctor. Upon finding out what was actually happening to poor Rosemary, it is revealed that her husband not only knew all along but assures Rosemary that now they will have wealth and fame. Basically, the movie is about a husband who sells his wife’s body in order to become a famous actor. It really doesn’t make one believe in intimacy, let alone race for the bedroom.
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