Women have been hearing it for years. “The bigger, the better,” a belief that has resulted in hundreds of products and multimillion dollar industries, all claiming to give the most realistic illusion of a bigger bust. Yes, there are pills and creams and supposedly soy milk, but let’s be realistic: that crap doesn’t work, and not all women are interested in going under the knife. Who knows what kind of Frankenstein breasts they could end up with! It’s safer and much cheaper to create the impression of larger breasts with one of many techniques out there and just hope that the guy they find themselves in bed with won’t notice her efforts when he takes her clothes off.
And let’s face it, when a woman starts to undress, men aren’t trying to figure out if what they see is an illusion. They’re just happy they’re getting laid. Men don’t know what chicken cutlets are and the difference between a wonder bra and a push-up. Well, until now that is…
10. The Wonder Bra
The wonder bra is just as its title describes, a bra that makes others wonder how large a woman’s breasts really are. Likely the cause for disappointed men all over the world, the wonder bra works great until it comes off. Some of these bras even come with gel or liquid inserts to give breasts a natural texture during an over the shirt groping. Victoria’s Secret came out with their version, The Bombshell, several years ago promoting results of a rack that appears two sizes bigger. Realistically it’s nice for a bra to have a little padding to keep the nips warm, but these bras are sometimes up to four inches thick and weigh about ten pounds. Luckily for men, this trend seems to have faded as women are coming up with more creative ways to give the girls a little help.
Contouring is all the rage these days, and while most girls can watch a 30 second YouTube video and completely transform their look from a two to a ten on the hotness scale, I’ve spent hours studying these tutorials and always end up looking more like an extra on The Walking Dead. Regardless, this trend has recently progressed into body contouring, which not only gives the appearance of toned abs and legs, but can also create the illusion of a bigger bust. Just in time for warmer weather, girls are now taking that contouring stick to their chests. Unfortunately, this cheap and easy DIY boob-job isn’t resistant to the summer heat or the ocean waves.
8. Chicken Cutlets
A long-time method that women have used to successfully give themselves a bit of a cleavage boost has been the chicken cutlet. Giving women a more natural appearance than say stuffing their top with tissue, these little guys tuck neatly into any bra or bathing suit. The only downfall to these guys is that the likeliness of the cutlet falling out causing lifelong embarrassment is like 50/50. And in the ocean or pool it drastically increases to 90%. These are real statistics. There’s nothing more embarrassing than sitting in a hot tub with a group of people when a chicken cutlet insert floats to the surface. Trust me, I would know. Luckily in these moments, the men are always clueless.
7. The Push-Up Bra
Every guy reading this article is now confused. Yes, a wonder bra and a push-up bra are different. The push-up has all of its padding on the bottom of the bra cup, giving the girls a lift. Some also come with adjustable straps between the two cups so women can pull their boobs closer together, providing more cleavage. Less deceiving than the wonder bra, the push-up will boost a woman’s sexy curves without disappointing those who take her clothes off!
6. Kim K’s Tape Method
Kim K is known for her heavy set of lady lumps which always seem to defy gravity, even when she seems to be going braless. Several months ago, she revealed her secret to a perky bust – tape. The tape is placed strategically over the nipples, pulling from the side-boob area to bring the girls closer together. Additional tape is then placed from the nipple over the shoulder, raising them to the desired perkiness level. This allows Kim to wear all those super low-cut tops without risking the indecent exposure of a bra strap. However, after watching several tutorials on this method, I think I’d need the entire crew of Kardashian assistants to get the tape on and a few painkillers to take it off.
5. The MySpace Angle
We all know that what we look like in real life doesn’t matter nearly as much as how we look on social media. At least that’s the conclusion I’ve come to after coming across thousands of Instagram Models seemingly starved for attention and using all the right angles to show off their curves. I mean, good for them, but we know it’s not real. Social media photos of men and women alike represent who they are to the public, so why not let people think women have bigger humps than they really do? In today’s society, with the right body position and camera angel, women just might find themselves becoming the star of America’s next hit reality show. Who knows!
4. Crossing Bra Straps
A lot of bras come with detachable straps, ideal for those who need a bra that can transform to strapless at a moment’s notice. Seems useless, I know, but truly they’re not. These straps can also be used to give the chest a bit of a lift by crossing them in the back. This makes the straps tighter, naturally setting the girls higher up on the chest and giving off the appearance of bigger jugs. Simple, cheap, and foolproof.
3. Wearing Two Bras
Women do this more often than you’d think, especially when they’re at the gym. Many women understand the woes of finding the perfect sports bra, simply because one hasn’t been invented yet. Regular bras allow too much jiggle while sports bras give women that super unflattering uni-boob look. However, the combination of both not only provides just the right amount of support but the added layer also creates the illusion of bigger breasts. The perfect solution for the women who go to the gym just to get hit on.
As previously mentioned, it’s more important to show off the cleavage online than at the beach, so why not Photoshop yourself into your ideal look? While this program isn’t necessarily cheap, there are free knockoff programs that are easy to download. In fact, I’m sure there’s even an app for this. I’m sure there are dozens of apps for this.
1. Halter Tops
A halter top, or tops that tie behind the neck are a literal pain in the neck after just a few hours. Even bathing suit tops create back and shoulder aches after just a few hours. But halter tops sure do make the girls look pretty. The tighter the knot the bigger they look, as the pull on the fabric gives them a nice lift.
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