Our favorite superheroes have always found excuses to beat the tar out of each other. For one reason or another, when modern demigods cross paths they often come to blows. Here are ten awesome fights that haven’t happened yet – and really need to.
Batman vs. Rorschach
Batman: Billionaire, vigilante, physical perfection, amazing toys.
Rorschach: Psycho-killer, penniless, serious talent for MacGuyvering up a win.
The Scenario: Rorschach comes to Gotham investing a murder and teams up with Batman. Batman can’t take Rorschach’s methods and they end up at odds, Rorschach fighting Batman in order to kill a criminal.
The Outcome: This would be Batman’s downfall. Rorschach is as intelligent and cunning as Batman, an incredible fighter and has no compunction about flat-out murder. At his moment of triumph, however, Rorschach would spare the dark knight. Rorschach was like Batman once.
Punisher vs. Captain America
Punisher: Merciless executor of criminals, genius-level military tactician, weapons specialist, 100% badass.
Captain America: Super soldier, military commander, indestructible shield, perfect hair.
The Scenario: Frank Castle, the Punisher, is getting old. He wants nothing but to continue killing bad guys. The only way he can continue, he reasons, is to become a super soldier like Cap. The best way to get the formula is to get a sample of Captain America’s blood… that Cap isn’t willing to donate to a hardened killer like Frank.
The Outcome: Frank won’t kill Cap – he’s got too much respect for him. Sadly for the ideal American, he also has a huge arsenal of weapons and expert knowledge of all of them. If Cap doesn’t see Frank coming, the outcome is predetermined.
Usagi Yojimbo vs. Wolverine
Miyamoto Usagi: Rabbit bodyguard, samurai sword fighter, embodiment of furry honor.
Wolverine: Indestructible berserker, civil war veteran, wicked adamantium claws.
The Scenario: Wolverine is transported back to ancient Japan where, as a westerner, he is hunted as an outlaw. Miyamoto Usagi tracks Wolverine down and they engage in the cutest and bloodiest sword fight ever.
The Outcome: Stalemate. Usagi is an unbeatable swordsman and Wolverine can’t be sliced to death. This has to end with them both too exhausted to continue.
Iron Man vs. Optimus Prime
Iron Man: Armored genius with super weapons
Optimus Prime: Giant, incredibly powerful robots
The Scenario: The Decepticons are out to upgrade themselves with the latest Stark weapons tech. Tony, naturally, can’t let them have it. He mistakes Optimus for one of the bad guys.
The Outcome: Tony doesn’t do this alone – all the suits come out to play in remote mode and there’s a battle to end all battles. The Decepticons are eventually beaten but the real loser is the landscape.
Green Lantern vs. Nightcrawler
Green Lantern: A guy who can make anything he can think of, so long as it’s green. And he’s vulnerable to yellow. So, you can’t kill him with a bullet but a sharp banana will leave him defenseless.
Nightcrawler: Teleporting freak with a thing for swords.
The Scenario: A rookie Lantern crosses paths with Nightcrawler and mistakes him for a villain. Attempting to capture the teleporter proves difficult.
The Outcome: They make friends, but not before the Lantern pulls out all the stops trying to corner the slipperiest X-man. I imagine Nightcrawler having a lot of fun at the rookie’s expense.
X-Men vs. Peter Petrelli
X-Men: The world’s best-known superhero team. A huge variety of earth shattering powers.
Peter Petrelli: Goody two-shoes with the ability to copy others’ abilities.
The Scenario: Professor X locates Peter with cerebro and invites him to his school for gifted children. The school reminds peter too much of his nemesis, the corporation, and he decides to take it down. With all of the powers of all of the X-men under his command it’s a hell of a fight.
The Outcome: Powerful as he is, Peter’s no match for the X-Men. After wreaking serious havoc he’d end up taken down by Professor X’s mind control.
Forge vs. The Terminatrix
Forge: Mutant creator of anything technological.
The Terminatrix: Super-assassin robot that can control machines.
Scenario: The T-X is sent back in time on another mission, and Forge is the natural choice to head up the fight to stop her.
The Outcome: Sorry, Forge. You just can’t win. It’d be an epic fight but the bigger and better the weapons you throw at the T-X the more toys you’re giving her to fight you. In the end, you’re terminated.
Tarzan vs. Turok
Turok: Tarzan-esque Native American dinosaur hunter with a high-tech bow and peak physical ability.
Tarzan: King of the beasts, at home in the jungle, physical perfection.
Scenario: This has to happen in the Savage Land and Turok will be doing what he does best – stopping a hunter from killing animals. Turok won’t have time to explain the evil, intelligent dinosaurs he has to eliminate before he’s ambushed.
The Outcome: This is a tough one. Turok regularly fights velociraptors. But they die when you cut their throat. Wolverine takes down armies for busy work. In the end, Turok would incapacitate Wolverine with a poisoned arrow long enough to explain himself and they’d make friends. The question is how badly hurt the dinosaur hunter would be by then.
Cable vs. Hiro Nakamura
Cable: Time traveling mercenary gunman with telepathic and telekinetic abilities
Hiro Nakamura: Master of time and space, cute little Japanese man with wobbly cheeks
The Scenario: Hiro would definitely see Cable as a villain. Transported to the modern day, Cable is confront by Hiro who wants to know what future he comes from.
The Outcome: Cable has the nifty little trick of ‘unlimited do-overs.’ He can use his time travel device to try to win again and again. And so can Hiro. The outcome of this fight would be a constant backwards jumping through time until one of them got the upper hand. In alternate time lines, they’d both end up winning.
Spawn vs. Morpheus
Spawn: Demonic lieutenant in hell’s army. Infinitely powerful, he once gained the power to destroy and recreate all of Earth. Emo as all hell.
Morpheus: Lord of all dreams, and the dreaming where they reside. When you dream you are in his world where his powers are limitless.
The Scenario: Spawn dreams, and encounters Morpheus, whom he believes to be a Demon. With his characteristic lack of finesse, Spawn attacks.
The Outcome: Do dreams exist in the universe, or does the universe exist only in dreams? The answer decides the outcome. Within the dreaming there is no way to defeat Morpheus. Outside of it, there is no way to defeat Spawn. The demon is imprisoned in the dreaming. He will have to find a way to reach outside of it if he is to free himself. But before he is captured a truly nightmarish fight will ensue.
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