Yeah. We finally got to this one. Of course the subject of “self-satisfaction” can draw somewhat of a crowd. People don’t always like to talk about it, but there is a tremendous amount of folly concerning the subject. Women tend to talk about it behind closed doors with one another. They even host special “toy” parties which women can splurge and fulfill their late night appetites. As for men, well, “yanking their chains” is a common running joke that provides ample laughter. Rarely do men actually speak with any seriousness about the subject. As far as humans go, masturbation tends to provide public jokes and private splurging.
But let’s get to the animalistic side of the coin. As often as humans love diddling themselves, animals are right on pace. To think of it logically, people, like animals, are prewired to procreate. And doing the act is made to feel pleasurable. So it makes sense that animals enjoy going at themselves just as much as people do. In fact, some even enjoy it more. And there are no bounds to the extent of animals pleasuring themselves. They enjoy themselves on land just as much as at sea. Without further ado, these are 10 Animals You Didn’t Know Masturbate.
Bats aren’t the most beautiful of creatures. There is a bit of a scary stigma with the rabies-spreading rats with wings. Young male vampire bats and fruit bats have been known to please themselves by using their tongues. Their tongues are used to groom themselves, and many times, those tongues tend to find their way to their nether regions. As their tongues lap their nether regions it quickly builds toward an orgasm. Now, bats hang upside down so you can imagine the mess when these bats climax.
Nice! Squirrels like to get it on and this one is not just for pleasure, it is for health reasons as well! Little squirrels use their paws to get it on. And afterward…wait for it…they eat their own ejaculate (who knew squirrels were clean freaks?). That’s right, these lovable little street crossers like to get it on with themselves. During mating season, they produce quite a bit of swimmers. They essentially “flush their lines out” like a clogged set of pipes in order to protect against sexually transmitted infections. The thoughtful little guys also do the deed shortly after copulating with a female as well. They use their own saliva to wash the outside of their organ to prepare for their next encounter.
I never saw Dumbo do that! That’s right, elephants like a good time, too. We’ve all seen the images of huge elephants mounting one another like horny dogs. Like a teenage boy in heat, elephants have a time in which they tend to be a bit gamey when it comes to their innermost desires. It’s called musth. During this time, male elephants’ testosterone peaks leaving them far more aggressive. They also leak urine and are irresistible to female elephants (super hot). And naturally, the Asian male elephants have a pretty hefty, large “member.” These massive beasts actually strike their erect members against their bellies to get off (don’t we all!). Sadly, much like a man passing the golden arches of 40, once the musth period passes by, the male elephant quickly loses interest in all acts below their massive waistlines.
Turtles really don’t hold back. Much like a 13-year-old boy first discovering himself, turtles pretty much go nutty as soon as they are sexually active. We’re talking about rubbing their large male organs on anything and everything they can. Turtles seek out hard objects to press their organs against. They even make squeaking sounds as they initiate the act which is a sound of pleasure. Either way, male turtles make no apologies about their public display of pleasure. Whether it’s a female turtle, a smooth rock or the steps outside your home, a turtle can pretty much find pleasure anywhere (just like singer George Michael and comedian Pee-Wee Herman!).
Penguins are cute and cuddly. They have been featured in Disney movies as loveable singing and dancing creatures. They’ve even been seen surfing the waves in movies! Adelie penguins enjoy a good rock. Much like turtles, these animals will lie rigid upon the ground, stiffen themselves up, and then go through the motions of thrusting - as in the dirty deed. G. Murray Levick first observed these strange behaviors back in 1911 during the Scott Antarctic expedition. After writhing on the ground for a while, these penguins then release and eject their fluids on the rocks or the ground, and many times, this comes after the long search for a female mate comes up empty handed. So pretty much, penguins are just like humans on a sad lonely Friday night.
How do you masturbate without hands? It’s a good question and that leads us to whales! Yes, these sea dwelling animals do have both sexes in the smaller species, but they are game for a little private time enjoying themselves. How do they get it on by themselves? They use the seafloor or anything for that matter. If they are in captivity, they rub their genitals on the sides of tanks. Whales rub themselves on anything and everything near them to get a little extra zing in their day. And when you look at the size of whales, you wouldn’t want to be a nearby sea dwelling animal swimming near a horny sperm whale. Things can get pretty ugly pretty fast for you.
That’s right, don’t leave these little guys off this list. Rats like to get a little fun on the side. Rats start to sexually mature around 6 weeks of age. They get started real young. Their testosterone rises like crazy and peaks at 4-6 months. Now, you may be wondering how a rat takes care of their own business? Naturally, they give themselves a hummer. That’s right, a male rat contorts and uses their mouth to pleasure himself. He also enjoys humping. With their testosterone levels on high, the rats have trouble containing themselves.
What’s better than one penis? Let’s try two! Male lizards are double-barreled with what is referred to as a double phallus or what is called hemipenes. Each hemipenes has its own sperm channel. These animals are actually able to use each hemipenes independently of one another. Lizards tend to rub their hemipenes against the ground regularly, sometimes daily when they are in breeding season. Certain species, like marine iguanas, like to finish themselves off on rocks and store some extra seamen so it’s easier to push into females. Lizards always think of everything!
This one just hurts to think about. Porcupines don’t exactly draw dirty thoughts to the mind. The spiny creatures are more than willing to get some even when there is no other mate around. Back in 1946, this discovery was first made by Albert R. Shadle of The Journal of Wildlife Management. Shadle wasn’t exactly looking into the naughty needs of porcupines when he came across this interesting discovery. Just prior to mating seasons, the female presents her genitals to the male. In captivity, the females would do this behavior in a nearby cage. Upon doing so, the male porcupine did what any normal male would do while watching good adult pornography, they started to hump the cage and everything else around him. The male porcupine rubbed himself on his food and water dishes and even used his two tiny hands to rub his genitals. Due to the excited nature of the male porcupine and the dedication they had toward relieving themselves, Shadle reported a nasty odor after a while due to the large amount of porcupine secretions (Just like the stench at the Playboy Mansion after a night of partying).
Dolphins are known to be closely related to humans. They are incredible smart creatures. They also have long penises they can manipulate like an arm. That’s right, dolphins are hung. They are regular fornicators and enjoy the solo act quite a bit. They have been known to use live, wiggling eels to give them some extra pleasure (now, that’s being resourceful!). In addition to using live animals to help them get off, dolphins have also been known to use the heads of dead fish for their own enjoyment. They actively rub against the objects to gain the hot sensation. We wouldn’t normally condone necrophilia, but seeing a dolphin go at a dead fish head is pretty amusing. And hey, it can get pretty lonely down in that dark blue ocean, so we say go ahead and be free dolphin! Pound that dead fish head if you must!