Celebrities and relationship is a doomed combo from the start—the two are just total opposites. In order to achieve celebrity status, one must possess supreme self-confidence, a staggering amount of stubbornness and a huge ego, which are all traits that are exactly what one cannot possess in any sort of successful marriage. We’ve all heard the cliché before, but the fact is: love is about compromise. But colossal success is all about relentlessness. Marriage is about putting your partner first, listening to their needs, and making occasional sacrifices. Celebrities became celebrities because they didn’t want to do any of that.
Marriage, or seriously dating, is a constant trade-off. You want to go to the ball game with your bros? Well then, she can go shopping at the mall and get a mani-pedi with the girls. It’s also about strategy. Want to argue about what’s on TV? Not wise if you want to get drunk and go skiing next weekend. Choose your battles wisely.
However, celebrities don’t bother themselves with such common decisions. They worry about choosing their acting roles wisely, or selecting an elaborate outfit to wear on the red carpet. They are concerned with spending their millions on real estate, philanthropy, and luxury hotels, monitoring their social media, doing interviews, protecting their image, and pleasing their fans. And with each additional success comes additional income, responsibility, and a more inflated ego. The constant adoration from fans, makes it seem like adoration from one significant other would be simple. But a marriage is never easy. And celebrity unions rarely last. So here are 10 more couples that’ll probably call it quits this year. Hopefully not, but we’ll see…
10. Kanye West & Kim Kardashian
Will this couple please give it up already? Are they really a legitimate couple anyway? They can’t possibly get along. Both of them are so incredibly narcissistic. Isn’t this just some giant publicity stunt? And those aren’t the real baby names, right? That had to be another farce. They have got to be messing with us. Kanye has made a business of messing with people for years. Nobody can tell if he’s a genius or the most annoying idiot on the planet. And then there’s Kim K’s matrimony record. She eloped at 19, a pre-fame marriage that lasted 3 years. Then her sham of a second marriage lasted 72 days! Poor Kris Humphries still gets booed at NBA games just for associating with her.
9. Sofia Vergara & Joe Manganiello
With a Hollywood marriage so fresh and new (the couple was just married in November 2015) it’s hard to believe that it will stick. Especially since the pair wasn’t together very long beforehand. They were first spotted together in July 2014, then six months later they were engaged, and then 11 months later wedded. That might be enough time for a normal couple to learn about each other, but these are two celebrities in the peaks of their careers. Their schedules are full of endorsement deals, photo shoots, movies and television rehearsals and filming— they’ve hardly had any time for each other. Maybe they found a chance to get to know each other by now, but did they like what they found?
8. Nicki Minaj & Meek Mill
How long can “Omeeka” really last? There are so many battles going on in raps, that there must be some going on in their personal life too, right? And Meek’s past is not the best relationship material. The rapper has been in and out of jail for parole violations, and was even ordered by a judge to take etiquette classes to clean up his rotten attitude. The nonsense never stops for either of them on social media. The question is whether it’s all publicity, or if their personalities are truly that volatile. They are currently engaged and bought a house together, but it still wouldn’t be surprising if this romance took a dive.
7. Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie
Remember when Brad Pitt was with Jennifer Aniston and everything was normal? Then in June, 2005, the Mr. and Mrs. Smith movie came along, followed by a creepy family-style photo spread in the July, 2005, W Magazine, and next thing you know, Brad got an October divorce, and Angie had stolen him away for good. Next came their adoption spree, including their personal offspring, and then Angie’s philanthropy in Africa, a marriage, a cancer diagnosis, and most recently Angie penned and directed the 2015 art film, By the Sea, in which the pair plays a married couple who are selfish jerks that don’t get along at all. Interesting. It’s been a rollercoaster of a relationship, a coaster that could be due to run off its tracks.
6. Johnny Depp & Amber Heard
Why did such a beautiful young blonde marry such a creepy old dude? Their wedding remains a total mystery. They met on the set of the Hunter S. Thompson based 2011 flop, The Rum Diary, then Johnny got a divorce in 2012, and the new couple was wed February 2015. She must have married him to make Hollywood connections and try to further her career, but so far all she has gotten is a dog-smuggling charge. When the couple visited Australia last May, they brought their 2 teacup Yorkshire terriers, Boo and Pistol, into the country without proper paperwork and had to leave within 72 hours or the dogs would be euthanized. Heard’s court hearing over the matter will be in April, and hopefully the couple will still be married by then.
5. Lady Gaga & Taylor Kinney
Last weekend, Gaga won a golden globe for acting and as she walked up to the stage to speech it up, she intentionally bumped into a seated Leonardo DiCaprio. The GIFs flooded the internet as Leo’s hilarious eyebrow-arching reaction started trending. Some claim that Gaga bumped him to stop him from laughing— perhaps Jonah Hill cracked a joke at the inopportune moment, and Gaga didn’t want to share the spotlight. But if you look at the GIF again, you’ll notice that Leo’s laugh was brief, and pretty much over by the time Gaga nudged. Gaga wasn’t nudging to silence him, she just wanted to touch Leo. Creepy. She’s crushing on him like every supermodel in the history of the world. Fiancé Kinney does resemble a poor man’s Leo. Such crushing may spell disaster.
4. Ashton Kutcher & Mila Kunis
Everybody thought it was so romantic when this pair finally hooked up. There they were, back on That 70’s Show, both making a name for themselves in Hollywood, then they headed their separate ways, and eventually reunited years later. How romantic. The part people forgot is how Ashton cheated on Demi Moore after a marriage of 8 years. Even worse, the mistress, Sara Leal, went public with intimate details, and the story spread like wildfire. So sure, That 70’s Couple had a baby, and they both like going to sporting events, but the fact is that Kutcher is a dog, and if he’s cheated once, it’ll happen again, and the rumors are already spreading…
3. Taylor Swift & Calvin Harris
All right, if Taylor wants material for another multi-platinum album, then Cal has got to go. She’s a musical genius, let’s face it, and the reason she’s so good is because she uses these unsuspecting celebrity boys like pawns. She’s not interested in any man, she just dates them to keep the ideas and emotions flowing, and then initiates a break up, and presto, there’s another number one hit. Jake Gyllenhaal, that werewolf dude from Twilight, John Mayer the player, and a ton of other dudes were all just a muse. Poor Calvin. His record is not that good and he’s not handsome either. And the worst part is Harris probably won’t inspire as many hit singles as Harry Styles did.
2. Blake Shelton & Gwen Stefani
Oh yeah, this was doomed from the start. Hopefully they are still together by the time this article gets posted. We are talking splitsville any second now. It’s nothing but a rebound and everybody knows it. After four years, Blake Shelton divorced a reportedly unfaithful Miranda Lambert in July. And in August Gavin Rossdale got a case of the nanny-dos before splitting with Gwen after 13 years of matrimony. Both Blake and Gwen are in recovery, and once they mend they’ll realize they don’t really like each other that much, and that they just had a lot in common. And then those cutesy little Voice arguments will get really awkward.
1. Tom Brady & Gisele Bundchen
This couple has been rumored to be on the rocks for a while. It didn’t help that in August 2015, Brady took a ride on a private jet with Ben Affleck and the promiscuous nanny, Christine Ouzounian, that ended the actor’s decade long marriage. Somebody even took a photo of Ouzounian wearing Tommy’s 4 Super Bowl rings. Why did she have those on? Is that how Tommy treats all the sexy coeds? Perhaps it’s a prerequisite to joining the Mile High Club. The legendary QB’s personal life isn’t quite as spotless as his NFL record. In 2006 he walked away from a pregnant Bridget Moynahan, back when he first started dating Gisele.
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