Here comes that time of year that makes anyone single want to crawl into a hole, only to come back out after all the love and romance in the air has cleared. For those who are attached, you may be singing a different tune come Valentine’s Day. Either way both sides can agree, there is nothing more nauseating than being single on V Day and working next to someone dressed head to toe in pink! Therefore ladies and gentlemen here is a guideline of what clichés to avoid this Valentine’s Day.... Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
1. Don’t be the girl who comes into work dressed head to toe in hearts, pink or red. Maybe little accents of the holiday colors are appropriate and it’s okay to like the holiday, just don’t dress like it threw up all over you.
2. Sending chocolates is bad, however sending them in a heart shaped box should be illegal! I dare you to look up at all the single people in the office once you have been “served” with a HEART shaped box of HEART shaped chocolates.
3. Do not make your boyfriend or girlfriend heart shaped food on Valentine’s Day. Just picture them in the lunch room chowing down on a heart shaped sandwich.... Keeping a mature repertoire may be somewhat difficult after that.
4. WARNING! Do not mention the V word in front of any single friends, that’s how you will lose them! Believe me, I lost a few good ones along the way, all because they didn’t follow the rules.
5. Guys I warn you please do not dress up like cupid, there comes an age when it is no longer cute for someone to wear diapers. Don’t think the sight of you in diapers will have the girls flocking.
6. This is more a piece of advice, people if you are single and don’t want to be smothered by images of love on V-Day, then I beg of you please do not go out for dinner! It will feel like being in a horror movie, everywhere you look will be couples and most often you will see a lot of PDA. Not a good thing to see while you are eating... unless you’re on a diet.
7. This brings me to a very important tip, PDA is a whole other discussion, but for now we will focus on V-Day, keep the PDA down to a minimum if possible, especially on this day. As you will be surrounded by plenty of single people in a fragile state who are ready to SNAP at any moment. Don’t be the reason why a single girl goes off the deep end.
8. Single or attached, everyone can benefit to watching someone receive a sing-o-gram, would make for a good laugh, I would even take some pictures. Just as a reminder to those who don’t follow the rules.
9. Oh yes and the infamous lingerie for your man on V-Day. If you weren’t a porn star yesterday, does the holiday give you some sexy powers that make you look and act like Jenna Jameson? Honey if it wasn’t sexy yesterday then Valentine’s Day is not going to give your man sexy goggles. Please refrain from any sudden urges to be a porn star. Work your way up to that.
10. Taking him or her out to a restaurant is soooo cliché people! Instead cook for your partner. Make a nice heavy stew. Cook with lots of garlic! Yummy, nothing like garlic breath to get you feeling sexy!
By now you should be getting the idea of what message I am trying to convey. On Valentine’s Day attached people must keep PDA down to a minimum, better yet, don’t even look at your significant other, don’t send gifts and out of respect for others try to dress in black. Make your own lunch to avoid any embarrassing love notes or heart shaped food. Follow these rules and you will still have friends on the 15th.
And on a bright side I have found a way to mention Valentine’s Day several times all while keeping you smiling.
This year if you happen to see someone making one of the cliché faux pas, please hand them this list to advise them of what not to do on Valentine’s Day.