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Mario Has Nipples And the Internet Can’t Handle It

Like many sufficiently large video game companies, Nintendo holds regular events to showcase its upcoming games, consoles, and latest technologies. Called "Nintendo Direct", these videos are the very best of what the company has to offer, and it draws a huge crowd of fans and reporters eager to get a peek at what Nintendo might roll out next.

This month was no exception. But while many eager fans were disappointed at the lack of a new Animal Crossing or having a version of Smash Bros. for the Nintendo Switch, they did get a glimpse of something truly amazing.

Mario’s nipples.

Mario
via IGN

The trailer shown at Nintendo Direct for the latest iteration of the Super Mario franchise, Super Mario Odyssey, featured the bare-chested Italian plumber taking part in some beachside fun and the internet has gone completely insane.

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One Twitter follower rightly pointed out that as an Italian Mario seems suspiciously bereft of chest hair.

Another Twitter user pointed out the lack of Link’s nipples in Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which he blames for Nintendo making Mario’s a little more prominent.

This isn’t the first time Mario’s nipples have been seen, as another Twitter fan rightly points out. Here we have Mario in a comparison post with an issue of Nintendo Power magazine:

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Perhaps the best comment of all is this user’s reference to current events in which prominent conservative Senator Ted Cruz liked a pornographic video on Twitter.

We do find it a bit odd that Mario now has nipples, however, does not have nostrils. This, of course, did not go unnoticed on the internet, as my powers of observation are hardly the greatest, but some come to Nintendo’s defense saying that Mario doesn’t need nostrils as much as he needed nipples.

Nostrils
via tumblr

This does represent a long-term trend in Mario's development. He's gone from a simple sprite-based character who does little more than jump and shoot fireballs into a fully three-dimensional man with demands for anatomical correctness. If we're not careful we'll be in store for an "anatomically correct" Mario in the decades to come.

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