The 10 Tech Trends That We're So Over

Yes we know, there are many of you who think that writing an article on how dumb new tech is only serves to illustrate what nerd your writer is.  But before any of the self-professed techies balk at t

Yes we know, there are many of you who think that writing an article on how dumb new tech is only serves to illustrate what nerd your writer is.  But before any of the self-professed techies balk at this list, or at least the concept of it, let’s take a step back and look at the tech bubble for a minute. We don't need to point out that we're currently living through an unprecedented level of technological progression. We are all phenomenally fortunate to have resources for work and pleasure that the generation just before us could not have possibly imagined. But as with all bubbles, society can get a little carried away itself, and there's where the weirder and less welcome ideas and movements come about.

If you want the first example of the tech bubble getting a little out of control, then look no further than the crazy selling prices of so many startups, or the public offerings of the more established tech giants. While good ideas are usually instantly spotted, the bad and the ugly also sometimes creep through. After all, it's in man’s nature, to invent, disrupt and generally try to better himself, and the following list - while obviously focusing on failed attempts - is a demonstration of this. While tech may not be able to answer all our problems - at least not yet anyway - these facepalm trends illustrate some enthusiastic if ill-advised attempts to do so. From the simplistic to the bizarre and the downright overpriced, here are the top ten tech trends we're rolling our eyes at.

10 Ironically Bad Games

9 Smartphone airbags

No, this is not a belated April Fool; this is in fact the brainchild of none other than Amazon. The device is not on the market - yet- but it has been patented by the company. The product was developed for those of us who have experienced that sickening fear as we drop our precious and, let’s face it, expensive smartphones on the ground.

8 Miss a phone call? Get a vibrating tattoo!

7 The SaaS Systems that remind you to be a Company

6 Big Data Banter

Another of the buzzwords of the day, everyone and their mother seems to be jumping on the big data bandwagon. From big data storage, solutions, insights, whatever they're calling it, big data seems to be the answer to all our problems. So long, that is, as you know what to do with it. And, more importantly, so long as the data people provide is accurate.

5 Google+

4 The fork that is your Mom

3 The Mother who is, literally, a Mom

If you thought a fork telling you what to do was unnecessary, then you definitely won't like this. Described by Sense, the creators of 'Mother', as “The care you need, the care you want,” Mother is a device shaped like a Russian stacking doll that wants to know what you do, when you do it, and how long you do it for. Sensors "detect and understand the movements of objects and people" and relay this all to your smart devices.

2 Wearable Tech that will Blatantly Break

Most of us probably already know the pain of having a favourite gadget, tech or otherwise, malfunction. You feel silly, adrift, and betrayed by the product in which you had invested so much time. Then smartphones come along, compounding all these emotions with the high level of practical and financial loss you will feel should your tech gadget break. Then some - we’re looking at you Google - decided that we would be much better off if we integrated technology into ourselves.

1 Wearable tech that will blatantly get stolen

Here, then, is the second problem with Google Glass, and to a lesser extent wearable tech such as smart watches and life tracking devices: they can all be stolen. And by virtue of where on the body it is worn, the easiest target will be Google Glass. So unless you want to rock up to the latest disruptive tech event wearing one of those fetching granny chains affixed to the back of your device, we suggest you think carefully before blowing your earnings on Google Glass. As for the other wearable tech devices? Just have a think back on how many pieces of jewellery/watches/smartphones/iPods you've damaged or had stolen. If the answer is very few, then maybe wearable tech is for you. If you've already made a mental list of items that went missing or were stolen, then perhaps this trend is not for you.

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The 10 Tech Trends That We're So Over