One of the realities of life is that if you aren’t born into money or aren’t comfortable exploiting welfare or other handout systems, you’re going to have to have some sort of a job in order to earn a living. Whether you work for yourself or someone else, it can be tough to show up day after day, but one of the tricks is to find something you actually enjoy so that it doesn’t feel like work and you don’t just spend eight hours per day watching the clock. This information shouldn’t be news to anyone these days.
Unfortunately, those occupations can be difficult to find and on top of that, even a job you like with a great company will never be all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Every job has its miserable days. Of course, there is only one way to figure out if you like a job and that is to actually do it. We can all sit back and look at a neurosurgeon, for example, and say, “oh yeah, I could totally hack at grey matter all day”. It’s another thing to actually learn the craft and then do it.
Many jobs are idealized in our minds, and we think that because we’ve seen it done on television or read a few articles, that said job is the answer for our lifelong happiness. Nothing in life is ever that simple. When all is said and done, obviously there are some jobs perfect for a certain type of person, but we’ve found fifteen jobs that most guys think they would love, but that in reality, most guys would end up hating.
15. Video Game Tester
The problem here is that when a dude hears the title of this job, he thinks “wow, so I get to sit there in my undies with a bag of chips all day and play through the next awesome game, where do I sign up?”. The goal of the job is to look for bugs and glitches, and yes, this is a paid position. You’re playing the game before the rest of your friends and yes, you’re being paid. What the heck is wrong with that, you might be saying.
Rather than actually playing through an amazing story, you’d likely be playing through the same small sequence in the game and every time you run into a problem or bug, you have to write up exactly how the problem arose and what you did in-game to try to solve the problem. It can be a nightmare and while sometimes you get to be the first in your friend group to play an awesome segment from an upcoming game, this job is not what it sounds like.
Any obsession with this job can be attributed to science fiction and the Indiana Jones franchise. These are great movies (not the fourth) but they couldn’t misrepresent archaeology much more heinously. Indy goes on epic quests for mystical artifacts and ends up getting into wacky and dangerous situations. Nothing could be further from the truth for someone who actually works in the field.
More often than not, you’re exposed to the elements, and if you do find anything remotely interesting, you’re likely to have to fill out a heaping stack of paperwork. The work can be very fulfilling but you have to be there for the discovery and genuine interest, not a longing to hang with Short-Round.
Don’t get us wrong, cooking is a great skill and a dude who can cook has an immediate advantage over his bros who can’t. What kind of an advantage? Well, women like a guy who can feed them. There’s probably some evolutionary science reason, but really, it’s just that women love food like we do and they don’t always want to be the ones prepping it.
Being a chef however, is not just coming up with creative meals and then serving them. It is a difficult and complicated career choice and will likely leave a person with very little in the way of free time. Your work environment is stressful, and can often get very negative, although a lot of amazing characters work in the food business. This can be an incredible career, but it is more than just tasty food.
Brewing beer is a great hobby that anyone can do. It is fairly simple (simple to do, very difficult to do well), legal and in terms of the price of brewing your own versus buying, it is an economically sound choice. Sadly, brewing beer in your home for your own enjoyment and doing it for a living at a brewery are two different things.
Sometime during their youth, most guys will say “I’d love to own/work in a brewery” thinking that the entire job is mixing hops and malts and having a casual pint on the job. Do you actually know what most of the work that needs to be done in a brewery is? It’s CLEANING! No, seriously, the enemies of any beer-producing operation are dirt and bacteria. Things need to be spotless before any boiling goes on.
After a pint or two, everyone seems to become an expert on policy. We’ve all heard someone say it and many of us have said something to the effect of “I’d do a better job than that prick, and I’d love to have his salary”. No, you wouldn’t. Most guys don’t have what it takes to be politicians and that is a good thing. Most of the job is over-promising and then coming up with excuses when your promises are unachievable. Most people dislike you and the job you do (many consider you little more than a necessary evil) and ultimately, you’ll be unable to please everyone and finally, your job doesn’t allow you real days off. Every minute of every day is a chance for your enemies to gain the upper hand if you slip up. It’s a 24/7 job and every decision you make can destroy lives (read this as a lesson against giving political leadership too much power, a message applicable to all areas of the political spectrum), most guys wouldn’t and couldn’t do the job of a political figure.
Most of the occupations we’ll touch on here are jobs; in other words, you’re employed by someone else. Most of these however, can be entrepreneurial pursuits. For example, a chef can own his or her own restaurant, and someone who knows beer can open a brewery. A lot of men say they want to be in charge and start something amazing: few ever do. Being an entrepreneur is tough and while you can create your own schedule, that schedule had better be nothing but work. Nobody works harder than the person in charge; at least when a company is being started. The risks and necessary work up front are definitely nothing compared to the rewards but those rewards are not guaranteed. This career choice is not for everyone, and many guys (people in general) would hate to actually have this much responsibility.
9. Zookeeper, Dolphin Trainer
When most of us visited zoos as youngsters, we enjoyed the experience. Animals, especially the ones that normally live in the wild, are awesome and a day walking around a zoo is fun. Unfortunately, the more people look at the health of animals in captivity, the more it seems that they may be completely miserable. We listed “dolphin trainer” as a specific choice for an example: some dolphin trainers end up realizing how smart their aquatic friends are and turn out thinking that they’d be happier free, rather than in captivity. The same can be said of many other animals in zoos. The people who work with them know this stuff too. While the study of mental illness in animals is a difficult science to pursue, it is looking more and more like captive animals hate their lives. Obviously this does not apply to cats, dogs and other “pet” animals, because they’ve been domesticated and their species are used to and rely on humans.
8. Pro Athlete
We love the idea of being a professional athlete because we only see a small part of their lives. We see them playing, sometimes practicing and giving interviews after competition. It all seems amazing, especially the paycheck, but what we don’t see is the difficult parts. In contact sports (and even non or limited contact), plenty of athletes are in constant pain and play injured. If you’re the kind of guy who stays home from work because of a hangover, sports should remain a pastime. Furthermore, considerations like, hours spent training and time with family, which is very limited for many athletes, along with functionality later in life are concerns. If you play football, hockey, or any combat sport, the chances of brain injury are good and from Junior Seau to Derek Boogaard to the countless boxer who are “punch drunk”, we all know what an athlete can look like after their career. This is another career that has great risk along with great reward.
This one is an occupation that a few guys may think about only briefly, before realizing that it is not for them. When you put it this way it sounds alright: you get to examine lady-parts all day. But more accurately, consider when most people visit the doctor: when something ain’t quite right. You’re not checking out 18-24 year old women; nor are you going to be consistently dealing with clientele that are in perfect health and just showing up for a checkup. This is a job for people who are consummate professionals and want to take care of reproductive health. Most guys are more suited to being amateur gynecologists anyway.
There are a few reasons guys think police work may be for them. The first is that of course, they think that such a career can make an impact on their community. There is some truth in that, but as we see almost daily in the news, cops have a great capacity to commit evil as well. Another reason for dudes wanting to join the ranks of law enforcement is that they see television and cop movies and think the job is exciting. Indeed it can be, but as any cop can tell you, there is a ton of paperwork (government job: tedious paperwork is inevitable) and finally, the eye of the community is always on you, and you will have to put your life on the line. It is one thing to say you’re willing to do it, and another thing to step into the middle of a bank robbery and stare down criminals who may be better armed. Finally, no matter how well you perform your duties, there are people out there who hate all cops, regardless of any distinction between “bad apples” and the good guys.
These jobs, both the ownership of a bar and working behind one, can be fun, interesting and fulfilling jobs. You’re essentially a party host but with a lot more responsibility. If you own the joint however, your business isn’t just free drinks and VIP areas loaded with loaded women. Similarly, if you’re behind the bar, your night isn’t just serving drinks, high-fiving people, and banking tips. While most patrons show up to have a good time and socialize, the small few either can’t handle their poison or are just genuinely unpleasant people, and they can ruin everyone else’s good time. Dealing with drunk, unruly, and downright violent people is a constant necessity and doing so improperly can result in damage to a bar’s reputation, and even legal problems.
Speaking of legal problems, getting a bar up and running involves navigating a small labyrinth of government red tape throughout most of North America, and it never really goes away. Involvement in a bar can be amazing, but it is a risky business and not for those who give up easily.
We already listed entrepreneurs, but we’ll list CEOs as well because while some entrepreneurs/owners carry out the duties of a CEO, they are two different positions in many companies. For a simple distinction between the two, the owner is the person who actually creates the business, whether it produces a good or offers a service, while the CEO is in charge of strategic management of the business. It sounds like a cool job and most guys think they have what it takes to be in charge, not to mention wanting the fat paycheck, but this is an extremely demanding role within a company and requires a person who is accountable to both the employees and the owner for competent management, achievable vision for the company and inspiring leadership. Many people think that CEOs just hang out on golf courses all day, but many work 70-80 hours per week.
There is something about the idea of the farming life that draws many men to think it is something they would enjoy. You get to work outside, with plenty of machinery and you’re providing a very essential service to your community; you know, growing food. There are some problems however.
Farming doesn’t pay very well, in part due to requirements for machinery and of course, many more expenses if you’re looking at raising livestock. Don’t get us wrong, most farmers aren’t poor, but you likely won’t be buying a vacation house in Palm Beach or a private jet.
Furthermore, the hours are absolutely ridiculous (it’s a life, not a job), and there is the issue of the stigma that comes with being a farmer. There will be people who think farmers are braindead country bumpkins with little or no social skills. Nothing could be further than the truth. Farming is nothing like a backyard garden: there is a great deal of intricate science and hard work required for any successful farming operation.
Due to hero worship and pop culture (and how sometimes the two go hand in hand) there is an extremely inaccurate depiction of what military life is. It is not a never-ending adrenaline rush of combat, firing guns and hanging with your buddies, routinely punctuated by parades and NFL games praising your efforts.
Military life is rather, an excruciatingly disciplined culture where cleaning, knitting and meticulously caring about minute details are among the most important parts of life. Most of military life sucks, but most people who get into it believe in the cause and are willing to make the sacrifice. Furthermore, the rigid command structure ensures that every order is followed, regardless of how stupid your commanders may seem.
Only if you are okay with a ton of cleaning, ironing, knitting, and being yelled at by people you may believe to be vastly inferior to you, will you even graduate from the first phase of training. Of course, once training is over, things get a bit better, but the uniform stays, the chain of command still exists but most jobs in the military are office-based and incredibly boring. Most people are not in tanks, planes, or on the ground with a rifle.
1. Adult Film Star
For dudes who are into this kind of thing, most have said at some point that they’re jealous of the male talent, and with good reason. These gents make their living giving beautiful women the business. With that said, there are some major drawbacks to a career as a working stiff. Obviously there is the stigma of working in the business that still exists among many social groups. Additionally, for every one man who makes a name for himself in the business working with the beautiful women and getting regular work, there are dozens more struggling to pay rent, rarely getting work and usually having to do fetish stuff and even gay scenes. If this is your thing and you can rock “gay for pay”, then that’s awesome, but few guys are down for that.
Even if you do make it into that small group of successful dudes, shooting p*rn isn’t the same as “doing the deed”. You’re in a room full of people, being ordered around by a director and even short scenes may take hours to shoot (no pun intended). It can get tedious. Furthermore, there is the pressure of knowing that any failure to perform or “keep up” may result in never working again. Male talent is a dime a dozen and a guy who can’t finish the job properly is not going to last long.
On top of all this, not all the women you’ll work with are sweethearts. Some are absolute divas and can be a nightmare to work with. Finally, working in that business, there is nearly absolute certainty that one will contract herpes. The more serious STIs are rare because of the amount of testing, but many stars have indicated that nearly everyone in the business contracts the gift that keeps on giving within their first couple of months of work.
Sources: Scholars and Rogues