There is something about athletes that seems to cause them to spend a lot of money on things that don’t matter. Wait, I take that back; there are actually a lot of things that contribute to this phenomenon. First of all they usually don’t come from a lot of money, and then all of a sudden they are ridiculously rich. This often does not lead to making the best financial decisions. Then, they are also always young, and often are surrounded by a bunch of their hometown friends who are along for the ride, as well as a lot of hot women who are trying to get on the ride as well. Then lastly, there is often not a lot of financial education going on with these guys; they seem to think the money is going to last forever. Guess what? It doesn’t. Many of them end up completely broke and even bankrupt and all those friends and women are long gone by the time that happens.
If you add all of these things up, you will find that the end result often comes out to just one thing. A lot of athletes do a lot of stupid things with their money. And I am not talking just “sort of stupid.” No, I am talking about the kind of stupid that makes you and I feel better about ourselves, even though we might be totally poor, and have to work for a living instead of playing a kid’s game.
So let’s feel better about ourselves shall we? Here are the 15 dumbest things ever bought by super-rich athletes.
15. Alfonso Soriano- Blue Hummer
So in a lot of circles a guy that is driving a Hummer is already considered a big show off who is trying way too hard to impress people. Well, Alfonso Soriano took that to a whole new level. He spent $600,000 on a Hummer, then put in another $100,000 on a ridiculously expensive stereo system, and also put on a solid silver plaque with his name on it. Hey Alfonso, don’t worry, we already know this is your Hummer by the fact that it is huge, blue, and you are driving it; you don’t have to prove you are trying to impress us by putting your name on it, too. Who does that? The word is that Soriano has been trying to sell it, even on such impressively high priced sites as eBay. You are all class, Alfonso.
14. Shaquille O’Neal – Superman Stuff
All right, we may be stretching a bit here, because as we all know Shaq is not a stupid guy, and he has so much money, that him blowing a little bit here and there on things he likes makes at least a little bit of sense. Still though, when you spend tens of thousands on Superman stuff and you are over the age of nine you have to get called out at least a little bit. But hey, Shaq loves Superman. He has a custom-made bed in the shape of a big S that cost around $15,000 and also has an SUV that has a Superman emblem on it. But hey, if you are Shaq and you want to play around with the whole Superman thing, then knock yourself out. At least he can back it up, just like he always used to do on the court.
13. Kobe Bryant – 15 Bottles Of Cristal
Talk about a competition between two guys trying hard to be cool; Kobe Bryant once got in a battle with Pro Poker player Antonio Esfandiara about who could waste more money on Cristal Champagne. Kobe saw Antonio buy two bottles, which were each worth $1,400, so he ordered five. Then Antonio ordered 10 to show Kobe that he could roll with him. Kobe decided to raise and ordered 15 bottles, bringing his total tab to around $21,000. He paid and left without drinking any of it. Hey Kobe and Antonio, I have to tell you, none of us are impressed. If you really want to impress me, then buy a round at happy hour where I hang out at the Downtown Lounge. Drinks are only $3 during happy hour.
12. Vince Young – Bought All The Seats On The Plane
Vince Young was supposed to be a big star when he was drafted by the Tennessee Titans, so big in fact that the quarterback signed a $26 million contract. He never lived up to expectations, but he did make more than enough to do some really stupid things, and Young did not let us down. Once he had to make it from Nashville to Houston, and he didn’t want to deal with a bunch of crying babies and mouth breathers, so he bought up every seat on the plane. Yep, there were 120 seats and he bought them all. According to Sports Chew that one flight probably cost him $22,000. Man, with spending habits like that, it is a wonder that Young did not go bankrupt right? Oh yeah, don’t worry – he did.
11. Scottie Pippen – Private Jet
Scottie Pippen was an amazing basketball player for the Chicago Bulls, but he always had to play second fiddle to Michael Jordan, who is widely considered the best player ever. One would think that maybe that would make him feel a little insecure, but not so much that he had to show off and buy his own private jet. He paid $4 million for his own private ride in the sky, but then found out that it needed a little work to be air safe. In fact it was going to cost him another million dollars to get it fixed up enough to be able to fly it. He never did get the repairs done so his $4 million private jet turned into a $4 million paper weight. Presumably Pippen never missed that $4 million a whole lot. Especially since his nickname around town in Chicago was “No Tippin’ Pippen.”
10. Deshawn Stevenson- A Home ATM
How many times have you been sitting at home and needed cash, but you didn’t want to leave the house? Actually that would never happen, because ummm, what would you spend money on if you were at home? So okay, maybe having a home ATM does not make a lot of sense. This type of logic did not deter basketball player Deshawn Stevenson, who has an ATM at his house that is always stocked with $20,000. Just in case he wakes up in the middle of the night and needs to walk downstairs and feel important. Even worse, if you use the ATM at his house, it charges you $4.50 which goes directly to Stevenson. I imagine that poker parties at his house get just a bit intense.
9. Warren Sapp- All Sorts Of Things
So Warren Sapp was one of the best football players of his generation. He is a Super Bowl champion, is in the Hall of Fame, and he made a ton of money, too. He used that money to buy a slew of cars, a huge mansion with a pool and a water slide, 24o pairs of Nikes, a whole bunch of expensive watches, a $1,200 bearskin rug, a million-dollar painting, and a pair of boxing gloves that were autographed by Muhammad Ali. Hey Warren, I have a hint for you: all of those things were just a huge waste of money. Too bad he didn’t have someone like me in his life back then that could have given him that tough love, because Sapp eventually declared bankruptcy. And no Warren, none of us feel bad for you.
8. Chad Johnson- Semi Truck
Chad Johnson, also known as Ochocinco, has always been a bit larger than life, or at least has attempted to be anyway. So it makes sense that he would spend $100,000 on a huge black semi-truck right? Well, actually no, it makes no sense at all. You can’t park it anywhere, it gets four miles to the gallon and instead of looking cool behind the wheel, when driving it the whole thing kind of screams “Hey look at me! I have money and am trying to show you how impressive I am!” Yeah Chad, honestly you are just a dude driving a big and bulky truck that is having trouble making that corner up there, and has to walk into McDonald’s for a double cheeseburger instead of using the drive through.
7. Evander Holyfield- A Ridiculous Mansion With 109 Rooms
So Evander Holyfield bought a mansion. Who cares, right? Isn’t buying a mansion what every rich athlete does? First of all, no they all don’t buy mansions, but secondly, even if they do, they don’t buy ones like this. It is 54,000 square feet, has an Olympic size swimming pool and 109 rooms. Okay, wait. 109 rooms? That isn’t cool, that is creepy. You could have Ted Bundy living two floors down and never even know it. Holyfield couldn’t come up with the taxes, and was even sued for not paying his yearly groundskeeping fees before the place was finally foreclosed on. Can you imagine being a landscaper not being paid and working on that place? I imagine there were donuts done on his lawn more than a few times.
6. Joe Johnson- 1,500 Pairs Of Shoes
So Joe Johnson likes shoes. That is fine I guess. Johnson has had a very good, if not great career; he is a seven-time all-star and currently plays for the Utah Jazz. He has obviously made a lot of money over the years. I can tell you that without even looking it up. How do I know that? Well, because he owns over 1,500 pairs of shoes that have cost him an estimated $400,000. Hey Joe, you may not be aware of this, but shoes are something that you normally wear on your feet so you can walk around, and are not something that you buy just so you can put in a closet and tell your friends how many shoes you have. But hey, who am I to judge; I wear the same pair of Vans every day until they fall apart.
5. Marquis Daniels- A Necklace That Looks Just Like Him
Some of these guys I feel a little badly for- just a little. No matter how rich and famous you are, or used to be, you still don’t want to click on a story like this and see yourself being made fun of. I don’t feel bad for Marquis Daniels, however. He was neither that good of a basketball player, nor is he that good looking, but he still commissioned a necklace that was supposed to look just like him which is, according to the gentlemansjournal.com, “Composed of porcelain eyes and black diamond chain dreadlocks, along with 1,300 grams of white and cognac diamonds and 14 carat gold”. It cost an estimated $60,000. Daniels doesn’t play anymore, so if you happen to see a guy working at a 7-11 wearing a necklace that looks just like him, then you might be looking at the man himself.
4. Arian Foster -A Whole Bunch of Segways
Arian Foster was a running back for the Houston Texans who decided to do something super nice for all of the members of his offensive line. What did he do? He bought all of them a $7,000 Segway. This was odd for two reasons. For one thing they are only built to hold people that are 275 pounds or less and most of his teammates were way above that. Second, and this should be obvious to all, Segways are totally lame. You want to give a present to a professional athlete and you give them a Segway? I don’t get it- walking is not that hard. Segways max out at around 12 mph. It just seems like maybe, just maybe, Arian could have figured out something a little bit more fun to give as a gift.
3. Chris Johnson- Gold Teeth
Chris Johnson bought himself some gold teeth. He did his whole upper grill that way; it is estimated to have cost him close to $9,000. I got to tell you though Chris, pro tip here, you look pretty dumb. I know this is complicated, but teeth are not supposed to be gold, and actually your teeth look awful. I mean why stop there? Maybe you could get some gold hair, or a gold nose? Can you imagine how cool you would look with a gold nose? Anyway, you get the point. Sometimes someone tries to come off looking all rich and famous, and just ends up looking tacky and creepy. I doubt that Chris was trying to look tacky and creepy so we have to call this one a huge fail.
2. Mike Tyson- Tigers
All right, so I have to give Mike Tyson a little bit of credit on this one. The guy has purchased tigers and is not dead. When you think about it though, if you were a tiger would you attack Mike Tyson? I sure would not; that guy was scary in the ring, but is a thousand times more frightening out of it. Tyson bought three tigers for $70,000 each. They cost $200,000 a year to feed and he also had to pay $125,000 for a trainer to watch them when he was out of town. I imagine just a regular pet sitting service would not have worked out that well. It was too expensive so he eventually sold them, which makes those tigers pretty lucky. Pretty soon that beast (and by “that beast,” I mean Tyson) would have mauled them.
1. Gilbert Arenas- Shark Tank
No Gilbert Arenas was not on Shark Tank, presenting a really cool idea to Mark Cuban. Arenas actually had a shark tank in his home. Extravagant much, Gilbert? It cost $5,000 a month to keep it running, and then of course, there was the cost to pay for a shark and the food that it eats. Arenas is no stranger to wasting cash; when he turned 25 he threw himself a birthday party that ended up costing around $1 million. His career did not last that long, so I imagine he is not spending money at nearly the same rate anymore. As a matter of fact, his last gig playing basketball was in China. What team did he play for, you ask? His last playing basketball gig was as a member of the Shanghai Sharks.