A few years ago, The Knick set a “fastest nudity” record when the first thing viewers saw was a naked woman. It was about 10 seconds into the first episode. The show beat the previous record holder, True Detective, who took all of 38 seconds to show us those bare boobs. The show in last place, Deadwood, is no longer with us. What does that tell you? Nude is the new black. While nipples may still be banned on Instagram, they are on glorious display in a range of shows from True Blood to Orange is the New Black to Games of Thrones. At the top of the steamy nude pyramid is nudity combined with doing the deed. The shows on this list have lots and lots of “action” between the sheets, in chairs, on the floor and on and on. And here, we’re talking both standard and kinky. We’ve got guys and girls—girl-on-girl and boy-on-boy. The tamest? Bare bums. The worst? Bare everything, oral stuff, bondage, S&M, and a lot more. So, jump onto Hulu or Netflix and get ready for a “revealing” list of shows with way, way too much nudity you won’t want to miss. Just put the kiddies to bed first. They’ve probably already seen them anyway.
15. True Blood
A show about vampires? Yes. Naked vampires, mostly. Whoa! Sounds like a winner to us (if you’re into that sort of thing, of course). We’ve got a bit of S&M, brother/sister incest, and just about any kind of kinky stuff you can imagine. Imagine lovers whose heads (literally) spin around. There’s even a spot of “American werewolf in flagrante.” As the site said, if you just watch the show, therapy can probably cure what ails you. But, if you’ve done even half the stuff they get up to, all hope is lost. Vampires are a s*x symbol. No, really. It has something to do with the predator thing.
OK folks, the title should tell you everything you need to know about this show. It’s about fornicating in California. It’s a lusty tale about drug and s*x addiction and a guy who just can’t get enough, if you get our drift. Poor old David Duchovny was the star. Reportedly, he had lots of fun. There were some pretty steamy dream and fantasy sequences, including one where Duchovny’s character nailed a nun, in a church, no less. No prizes for predicting what happened next. The religious right lobbied to have it removed from the air. Didn’t work, we’re happy to say.
13. Game Of Thrones
Back a few years ago before the show came out, there was a big controversy over certain “clauses” in the contracts of the actors on the show—something about taking their clothes off being part of the deal. Are the nude and intimate scenes important? Well, Huffington Post said that it is and in fact, made a complex who-is-doing-it-with-who chart. Reportedly, when the show aired on Chinese TV, the ever vigilant Chinese government edited out any nude or s*x scenes. Guess what? Nobody could understand WTF was going on. The 50-minute shows probably only lasted 15 or 20 minutes! As far as Game of Thrones is concerned, everything but everything is a fair game. Let’s face it, how many of you would have watched the show if everybody kept their clothes on and there was no sex? That’s called Shakespeare.
12. Orange Is The New Black
So, what are the options for nude and intimate scenes in a women’s prison? Well, you’ve got girl-on-girl, prison-guard-on-girl, and maybe a sneaked conjugal visit or two. The show pretty much takes advantage of all the choices. You’ve got Piper (Taylor Schilling) and Alex (Laura Prepon) making out in the shower in the opening scene of one episode. Then, there is a spot of hiding-in-a-closet-doing-the-deed with a prison guard. Add in a bit of full frontal (male and female) and well, you can see why the show is on everybody’s “got to watch” list. Unlike Game of Thrones, OITNB continues to take nudity to new galaxies. It’s not always hot and steamy, though. Hey, let’s admit it! Guys find the girls gettin’ it on a major turn on and just plain fun to watch.
Let’s face it, the Brits were into nudity on TV way, way before the Yanks got the idea that “bare” sells. Boobs and bare bottoms have been popping up on British TV for decades. The UK show Shameless, became a cult classic, probably because of all those skin shots. So, cue the American version with William H. Macy as totally working class, usually-in-a-stupor alcoholic Frank Gallagher who leaves his six kids to fend for themselves. Cue a lot of hot young things naked and doing the deed. Thank goodness, Macy hasn’t joined in the ripping off of clothes! No offense to the guy. And it gets good reviews. It’s a kind of black comedy with quirky intimate scenes that are funny in a twisted kind of way. You’ll love it big time. The acting is pretty good, but you probably won’t notice that much.
To put it mildly, HBO’s Girls has a gritty and realistic approach to exposing it all and doing the deed. It’s not just in the bedroom. It’s in the kitchen, on the floor, on the back of a sofa, and on and on and on. Hannah (Lisa Dunham) is a young wannabe writer in New York City who seems to spend an incredible amount of time naked, semi-naked, and getting up to “stuff” with guys who, by the way, are also in the buff. Some of the time she and the guy in question can resemble a knotted pretzel, if you catch our drift. We even get to see her naked on a toilet eating chocolate. Some say the nudity is totally “gratuitous” and unnecessary. We say, who the heck cares? But get in there fast. The last season is in full swing over on HBO.
9. Secret Diary Of A Call Girl
Showtime knew a good thing when they saw this British TV show. To begin with, English actress Billie Piper (who plays call girl “Belle”) is totally into appearing naked. The Brits were doing naked TV before you were born, probably. And trust us, she does a lot of nudity, seductiveness, and really kinky stuff. It’s kind of like every girl’s fantasy, isn’t it? Or not. Normal, well-educated, and successful by day and doing the call girl thing by night. Come to think of it, it’s every guy’s fantasy as well! Imagine calling a call girl service and having your teacher show up. Whoa! Belle tells everyone that she’s a night time legal secretary. Hey, she doesn’t take dictation or type, but she does bondage and dominatrix to perfection. But one look at her picture tells you that.
Here we have Spartacus. It’s got more bare skin than just about any show out there. In other words, without it, the show would have flopped fast. The nudity was the point, see? A source said that, “With swords, sandals, savagery and sex aplenty, some naysayers criticized the show’s rather thin plotting, but they clearly weren’t paying enough attention to the savagery and sex.” And they proudly pointed to a number of the show’s characters who seldom even bothered to wear clothes. Was it sexist? No way. The guys are exposed as much as the girls. And we’re happy to say that when conservative groups tried to stop the show from being aired on British TV, they failed. It was and is the undisputed champ for TV nudity and kinkiness.
7. The Tudors
In the line-up of medieval TV shows, Games of Thrones gets the headlines and controversy, while The Tudors ran for years on Showtime without much of a media blip. We’ve got King Henry VIII who beds and weds more lusty wenches than you can shake a stick at. In fact, everybody is bedding without wedding all over the place. Jonathan Rhys Meyers‘ Henry was “up” for anything, if you get the point. In fact, five minutes into the first episode he is “getting his end away,” in a manner of speaking. Sure, the nudity and kinky scenes were gratuitous and unnecessary. But, believe us, you will love it. You’ll probably want to skip the stuff where he beheads a wife or two. That’s what fast forwarding is for.
6. House Of Lies
If you look at the glossy cast shots of this show, you might be forgiven for thinking, “Hey, it’s Suits set in the cutthroat world of business consultancy.” But, there’s more…so much more. It’s a comedy and so you get the “ha ha” male bums and the oops in bed kind of thing. But you also get plenty of steamy bedroom action. Heck, action on just about any kind of horizontal surface. Action with chicks over counters and up against glass windows in penthouses. The view from the ground was spectacular. Apparently, nobody called the cops. For the most part, it is a heterosexual “greed is good” kind of show full of big egos and humongous body parts, if you get the point. And those body parts are just out there. It’s fun.
5. Masters Of Sex
William Masters was into “getting it on”. Well, that too. But his “thing” was peeking between the sheets and going behind closed doors to “research” human sexuality back in the day when censors dictated that even married TV couples had to sleep in separate beds. In the TV show, Michael Sheen plays gynecologist Masters. There are lots and lots of nudity, coupled with kinky scenes, some of them quite shocking, even in these days and times. You see, back in the 50’s and 60’s, all that kinky stuff was going down. People just pretended it didn’t. Thank you William Masters, for kicking off this revolution.
4. Boardwalk Empire
You are probably not interested in how many Emmy Awards this show won, are you? But we bet you are interested when we say the show does a killer line of dominatrixes. Bring on the nudies, the kink and the opulence of 1920’s Prohibition-era Atlantic City, New Jersey. “Nucky” Johnson (Steve Buscemi) is a corrupt city boss in a show that’s filled with gun molls, gangsters, flappers and lots and lots of bare skin and quirky bedroom antics. There’s also a lot of illegal stuff going down—from rum smuggling gangsters to ladies of the night and sweet totally wicked young things who romp naked in bathtubs with bare-bummed guys. The costumes are to die for, but you just can’t wait for the characters to take them off. Which, we are happy to say, happens an awful lot.
3. Black Sails
It’s pirates! Lusty wenches! Gratuitous threesome romps! It’s lust and adventures on the high seas. And what goes on in the captain’s cabin doesn’t stay in the captain’s cabin. Everybody is tearing their clothes off and “doing it” between the sheets, on the chairs, above deck, and below deck…even in the water. Now, if you want great scripts, even better acting, and stories you care about, you should go elsewhere. Shiver me timbers, drop anchor, and hit the beach plantation for the deed behind the shudders. There’s even a buried treasure or two and the occasional peg-leg pirate. Of course, it’s got girl-on-girl stuff for you bi-curious types.
2. Gossip Girl
We’re in the privileged world of old money, Upper East Side New York, where young grads of an exclusive prep school get up to what young grads get up to everywhere—Love, s*x, drugs, and a little rock and roll. Hey, who can forget Blake Lively in that school uniform. Naughty but very nice. These kids are rich and so we have “doing it” in the back of limos, which is a whole lot easier than in the backseat of your dad’s compact car, trust us. The show also does a nice range of “doing it” in chairs. You probably have your favorite chair scene. It’s supposed to be raunchy, steamy, and hot. Go on, he says, do it with me just this once. We bet she does. Again. And again. And again.
1. The Vampire Diaries
Twilight has a lot to answer for. Since the books and movies hit the scene, we are into everything vampire. Here we have two vampire bros who have lived for more than 150 years off of the blood of virgins. They returned to the town of Mystic Falls, Virginia, where they died. It’s a good thing everybody they knew are long ago six feet under. It’s got a spooky supernatural vibe going on and a chick played by Nina Dobrev, who falls in love with one of the vampire siblings. She’s kind of dark and obsessed with death. Anyway, lots of dark, kinky human-on-human and human-on-vampire stuff going on. It’s not a barrel of laughs, but then you probably already guessed that.
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