Warm weather means we all peel off to stay cool. It’s a great time of the year to spot celebrity babes out and about in not much clothing. Well, it’s great if they’re hot and not-so-great if they are not. Kate Upton or Kelly Rohrbach in a tank top is a thing of joy. But these days, Tyra Banks or Jessica Simpson peeling down to a tank top is a different matter. Sometimes, it is an issue of weight and body tone. Sometimes, it is a question of taste; as in bad taste. And sometimes, it’s just that the outfit the celebrity babe thought was hot is actually definitely not. With tanks, wife-beaters, camis, there is just nowhere to hide. So, here come 8 truly hot babes that are totally rocking those tiny little tank tops. We mean, like scorching hot. And we’ve got 7 unfortunate babes who should cover up and spare the world the sight of them in a tank. Some of these babes are hot. Some think they are totally hot but are actually not.
15. Antje Utgaard – The Next Kate Upton
If you don’t know about Antje Utgaard, the girl no less than Playboy is calling the next Kate Upton, then welcome to her world. Of course, she’s a model. And at 22 years old, she’s younger than Kate Upton. She’s reportedly a 34F to Kate’s 34DDs. And she’s moved to Los Angeles–you guessed it–to pursue modeling and acting careers. Despite her exotic Swiss and Norwegian genes, she is Wisconsin born and bred. Right out of high school, Antje hoofed it to New York City where she trained with the famous Radio City Music Hall Rockettes for a summer. It was a world of spangles and high kicks galore. She loved it and New York. Antje rocks anything she wears, including those revealing tank tops. No word on what the real Kate Upton thinks of all this Antje hype. She can’t be loving it.
14. Scarlett Johansson – Flaunting It
If you’ve got 32DDs to show off with, well then, you flaunt it. 30-something Scarlett Johansson is hot and totally rocks a little tanky/cami thing big time. She’s that rare commodity in Hollywood, a hottie who can actually act alongside the heavy weights. And she’s a wonderfully bankable star, a near-certain success at the box office. Avengers fans everywhere can’t wait for another sighting of her in her clingy Black Widow jumpsuit. And there’s more good news! She’s single, having divorced her second husband, Romain Dauriac, after only two years of marriage. As a child, she got “pushed” into showbiz by a momager who took her to auditions. Her first really big break was starring alongside Robert Redford in 1998’s The Horse Whisperer. She was only 14 years old then. She and her “assets” have come a long way since then.
13. Kate Upton – The Real Kate Upton
The real thing ain’t half bad. Her double-D twins look hot in just about anything. And in a tank? Kate Upton is totally scorching. It seems like yesterday, but it was 2011 when she was Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition‘s Rookie of the Year. Since then, she seems to have gone from strength to strength, with regular modeling gigs, as well as “acting” in a handful of movies. Can she act? Well, not really. But she can just about utter her lines and bounce around in bikinis and the like. Some say all the fame and fortune have gone to her head, and she’s become a bit of a diva. Guys everywhere couldn’t care less. We mean, just look at her. She’s all-American girl-next-door hot. She’s the real thing. The real Kate Upton.
12. Jessica Simpson – Give This Girl A Shirt
Singer/businesswoman Jessica Simpson can be way hot. Scorching even. But then, she packs on the pounds and puts on this “don’t mess with me” face, and she becomes… well… scary. When she was only 12 years old, she tried out for The Mickey Mouse Club, but reportedly got the fear of gosh put into her when she heard the young Christina Aguilera belting out a song. So, she flubbed it, didn’t make the cut, and went on to sign with a Christian music label before hitting it big as a pop princess in 1999. This Texas lass was raised in a strict Christian home headed by her minister dad. Her singing career has kind of cratered, but she’s gone on to make big bucks with her fashion range. These days, she’s more likely to turn up on HSN than hit a recording studio. She sometimes talks of a new album, but many say ‘stick with the clothes babe.’
11. Tyra Banks – Packing On The Pounds
It this really Tyra Banks? Super hot, super tough, supermodel, super everything Tyra Banks? Well, yes it is. There is less hair, but more of everything else. The sad tank is bad enough, but what’s with the cropped sweat pants and shoes that look as if they came out of a charity shop somewhere? She has admitted a tendency to pack on the pounds, but insists that she looks better with a little weight on her beautiful bones. Well, maybe a little, but this? These days, she’s more wife, mom, and businesswoman than model. But we remember her as the young hot 20-something, a fierce catwalk model, and the first African-American woman to appear on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. She went on to launch a personal media empire and eventually became the fearsome role model of America’s Next Top Model. Let’s remember all that and just forget this sad picture ever emerged.
10. Sofia Vergara
When she first came to Hollywood from Columbia in the 1990’s, she couldn’t speak much English. But, looking like this? Nobody cared. Even in this fairly conservative top, those 32Fs shout out. Sofia Vergara‘s movies have been forgettable outings, such as The Smurfs and The Three Stooges. And let’s face it, nobody is ever going to call her a great actress. But, put her into TV’s Modern Family playing the Latina hottie trophy wife, and you have struck TV and comedic gold. Gloria Delgado Pritchett shouts and pouts and butchers English in a way that has her exasperated family moaning and audiences everywhere laughing out loud. Now in her mid-40’s and still hot, she sometimes complains her “twins” aren’t as perky as they once were. We don’t see it, Sofia. You’re still rocking those tank tops big time.
9. Miley Cyrus – Sad Little School Girl, Not Hot
By day, Miley Cyrus was the teenage star of Disney’s Hannah Montana. By night, she was smoking stuff and doing stuff that no 14-year-old should smoke and do. Then, not so gradually, she began doing naughty stuff in public. All of a sudden, she was “freeing the nipple” and cuddling adult toys. She pole danced at an award show, had naughty nudies leaked, and set the Internet melting in 2013 when she twerked at the MTV VMAs. But it’s just always been like she’s trying way too hard. She seemed to be making a career out of trying to outrage people. Now, she was “cute” when she was Hannah Montana, but let’s face it; the babe doesn’t have movie star or model good looks. On paper, this outfit should be hotter than hot. But the boots, her bod, the stupid hair, and her face? Not hot… at all. Our advice? Hire Kate Upton’s stylist.
8. Kelly Rohrbach – Hot, Hot, And More Hot
Back in 2015, people noted that Kelly Rohrbach was constantly on the arm of Leonardo DiCaprio. Some were predicting wedding bells. Then, Leo did what he always does with the many, many models he has dated—he dumped her. Kelly is a babe who does things her own way. She was brought up in upper crusty Greenwich, Connecticut and got a degree in theater from Georgetown University. She even went to London to study acting. So, she was an actress first? Definitely. Blink and you’ll miss her on shows like Two and a Half Men and Rush. But by 2015, she’s strutting her stuff as Rookie of the Year in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. She was even tapped to star alongside Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in his first mega-flop, 2017’s Baywatch. She took on the bouncing boobs roll of C.J. Parker, the lifeguard played by Pamela Anderson in the iconic TV show of the same name.
7. Kelly Brook – Adorable Hot
Those 34Es are looking good. Kelly Brook “blossomed” early and started her modeling life as a kind of “glamour” model. Clothes were optional. Kelly Brook has made a solid career in her native England as a model turned TV presenter. She’s been the perky announcer on a number of TV shows. Plus, as of 2015, she had appeared in seven consecutive FHM 100 Sexiest Women in the World countdown, topping the list in 2005. Back in February of 2017, she posted a bare (from the rear) shot of her in a New York City hotel bathtub. She was gazing out a window. And her figure? That nipped-in waistline had some shouting “Photoshop.” Once or twice, she’s been mistaken for another curvy Photoshop addict—Kim Kardashian. These days, she is loved up with toy boy French model Jeremy Parisi and, at 37 years old, is talking about having his baby.
6. Kelly Clarkson – Words Fail Us
The sight of a very pregnant Kelly Clarkson in tank top overalls stuffing her face at Disneyland was hard to look at. Radar Online pronounced her “unrecognizable.” It was a truly confusing moment. She’s never been hot like Jessica Simpson once was. But when she won the first season of American Idol in 2002, she was All-American girl-next-door cute. She’s got a dynamite voice and has had huge success as a performer. But like Jessica Simpson (and others), Kelly has had a yo-yo battle with her weight. And trust us, the Internet and media trolls have been quick to body-shame her. “You’re fat,” one troll tweeted in July of 2017. “And still f*cking awesome,” replied The Voice’s newest judge.
5. Paris Hilton – Bad Taste, Rich Witch Tank Top
Paris Hilton is still rich, rich, and more rich. She is still pretty hot. But, now in her late 30’s, she’s resorted to a steady string of toy boys to keep her engines revving. The youngest? Reportedly, the guy was 18 years old. Seems like as she’s gotten older, our Paris has developed a thing for (very) young male models. Think of all those buff bods and handsome faces; that’s bad enough. But when pictures of Paris partying in a tank top that read “Stop Being Poor” hit, the Internet went wacko, with trolls slamming the Hilton heiress for bad, bad, bad taste. Now, for once (and only once), we have to side with Paris. Why? The whole thing was a hoax. The tank actually read “Stop Being Desperate.” So, it was proven that Paris, for once, was in the right. She probably enjoyed the whole thing. Why? Well, it’s getting harder and harder for an ageing Paris to get the attention she needs. So, bad attention is better than no attention in Paris’ world? Yes.
4. Ariel Winter – Trailer Park Trash Tank Top Fail
The world is divided into two kinds of people as far as Ariel Winter is concerned. First, there are the rabid fans who think that the 19-year-old star of Modern Family is hot AF. Sure, she’s got D-cup (reduced from F-cup) boobs and a nice little face. But wait, plead other people. Just look at her. She looks like she just rolled out of double wide. Her whole family seems like a dysfunctional mess, with Ariel claiming her mom abused her and her mom saying Ariel was an out-of-control wild child who, at 14 years old, was still out and partying… well… past midnight. Cast and crew of Modern Family have been dismayed by Ariel’s tendency to go for the trashy look. She does a nice range of tacky tank tops, Daisy Dukes, and tubes. Rumor has it that it’s only gotten worse now that she’s 19 and legally emancipated. Daddy Dunphy would not be amused.
3. Charlotte McKinney – Those 32Fs Were Made For Tank Tops
Charlotte McKinney was bullied back in her Florida school. Why? Well, it was just obvious that those 32Fs were blossoming big time. Girls shunned her. Boys snickered and probably tried to “brush” past her in the hall. So, she decided to take her best assets (two of them) and find fame and fortune on social media. That she did big time, being hailed for a time as the new you know who…Kate Upton. And like Upton, McKinney has tried to move into acting. Well, actually, she looked good in a bathing suit in 2017’s Baywatch and maybe–or maybe not–had a line or two to utter. Quite frankly, audiences weren’t listening as much as they were ogling. Acting? Modeling? Both? As long as she keeps us supplied with images like this one, who cares?
2. Emily Ratajkowski – Hot Feminist
Feminists say that you can’t be a s*x symbol and be a feminist at the same time. Hang on, model Emily Ratajkowski says she is both. We don’t know about the feminist thing, but s*x symbol? Emily’s a big-time classy hottie who is rocking that tank top. Back in 2014, she and many other female celebrities became the victims of hackers who stole naked iCloud photographs and posted them on the Internet. And, believe it or not, Emily went on to defend Kim Kardashian’s posting of naked and nearly-naked pictures of herself, saying that women had the right “to express their s*xuality and share their bodies however they choose.” Does that mean we’re going to see similar pictures of our Emily being posted? Don’t hold your breath.
1. Christina Aguilera – The Working Girl Fail
She obviously thinks she’s hot. Christina Aguilera was an adorable (and oh, so naughty) Mouseketeer on The Mickey Mouse Club. The place was a sin bin where Aguilera, Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, and Demi Lovato were reportedly out-of-control wild kids. Then, Christina Aguilera went on to do her pop star turn. Like some others on this list, her weight has been up and down and there are times (as in this shot) when she has gone all blowsy, with an overweight, over-the-top appearance that is definitely not hot. She looks more like a working girl than a singing superstar. The combination of the tank, her hair, and that over-the-top and coarse makeup makes for a tank top fail of monumental proportions.
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