Let’s face it. Guys often lust after women whose “assets” are substantial. You know. You meet a babe at a club in a tight little sparkly number with her 32Ds on display and you’re having a conversation with her cleavage. Quick. What color are her eyes? Forget it. And in Hollywood, big is definitely beautiful. But merely being rich and famous and hot does not mean you make the right decisions or choose well. Sometimes, women go under the knife and their silicone-enhanced assets are staggeringly good. Like, give the doctor an Oscar for best visual effects. But sometimes, it turns out to be a disaster. Like? Well, droopy, uneven, different sizes and visible scars plague some babes who dreamed of those perfect 32Ds. And bigger is definitely not always better. Sometimes, it’s just ha-ha laughable. Like, don’t you realize they are different sizes or drooping down to your navel? Or don’t you realize it looks as if you’ve got helium balloons in there? Obviously not. Here come 8 Hollywood hotties who get solid As for their silicone assets. And we present 7 32D wannabes whose botched boobs make us snicker and laugh out loud. Like a D minus or F. And we don’t mean cup size…
15. Kaley Cuoco – Rating: A+++
Hot blonde actress Kaley Cuoco is every boy’s fantasy in The Big Bang Theory. She’s got those geeks slobbering over her and babbling when she’s around, big time. The bubbly naughty-but-nice star told Cosmopolitan that having her boobs done when she was only 18 and starring in TV’s 8 Simple Rules was “the best thing” she had ever done. What about her nose job? Nope. The boobs win hands down, she says. She’s gone from a A/B to a C, so nothing too drastic. Plus, it’s a very good boob job. Those girls look perky and match in size and shape. We bet former love Superman (aka Henry Cavill) love, love, loved the twins.
14. Kate Upton – Rating: A++
Curvy blond-haired, blue eyed Kate Upton, is one of the most sizzling hot models out there. She went from a B cup to a 34D cup. Too much? No way. Let’s face it, she’s not a stick woman. If she was stick thin, those Ds would be hard to pull off. But Kate’s curvy bod only got better after the surgery. She’s gone into acting. She can’t act, but nobody cares. Those shots of her bouncing down a beach in a bikini in 2014’s The Other Woman are to die for. Sure, she was “the other woman,” but she pulled it off with that all-American girl charm, with just a hint of the bad girl we know she can be. And that smile. And those 34Ds!
13. Scarlett Johansson – Rating: A+
From nowhere to somewhere. Scarlett Johansson has gone from red-hair-A-cup land to C-cup-blonde-paradise with a nice twin set. Sometimes, bad boob jobs look a little bit like over-inflated helium balloons. Her girls have a natural shape, with eye-popping cleavage to die for. Scarlett is the kind of hot babe that guys always love and girls sometimes hate. She’s the kind of chick who “did it” in a hotel elevator and whose substantial assets were leaked online in 2011 when her cellphone was hacked. Maybe the shots were sent to then-hubs Ryan Reynolds to show him what he would be missing if he dumped her for Blake Lively. It didn’t work. Obviously.
12. Blake Lively – Rating: A+
Another nice piece of work! Mrs. Ryan Reynolds, aka Blake Lively, is a svelte and classy blonde actress who had guys’ jaws dropping when she bounced into the frame in her wet suit in 2016’s The Shallows. Now, in the past, she has denied that she has gone under the knife. But we think it’s pretty darn obvious that she’s gone the silicon route to very good effect. The trick? Not to be too greedy. With her slim frame, any more size would be a bridge too far. While we’re trotting out rumors, gossips also say she has had a refit on the nose. We say “maybe” to that one and “def” on the boob job. Ryan must be one happy camper.
11. Katy Perry – Rating: A+
Katy Perry is a tremendously talented (and rich) singer and songwriter. And, she and her twins love Lycra—skintight, cleavage-bearing Lycra. Now, the singer has denied she has had a fair dose of silicon, but personally, we think it’s pretty darn obvious what’s going on. Remember the time she seemed to have fireworks coming out of her bra? Or her cupcake (get it?) bra? She flaunts her delicious cupcake assets shamelessly, but always with a sense of tongue-in-cheek fun. Katy credits God almighty for her cleavage. We think the perpetrator probably works in a doctor’s office in Beverly Hills. But, we’ll have to say he (or she) does nice natural-looking work.
10. Kate Hudson – Rating: A
Okay. They are not “big” big. But she’s taken her cup size up a couple of notches from the maybe almost an A cup of a while back. And the craftsmanship is noteworthy for its natural perky look. Way back seven years ago, US Magazine followed Kate Hudson down to Miami where she went from flat to B cup overnight. There she was, one day on a beach totally flat-chested with nothing showing; and then, as if by magic, there were those perky little assets proudly, but subtly, on display the next day. Aha! The magazine proudly ran the before and after shots. And, we think she should be applauded for being sensible and not, like some of the stars we’ll see later, way too greedy.
9. Halle Berry – Rating: A
She’s always been gorgeous. But she has only gotten hotter since she went down the silicon trail. The thrice married, unlucky in love, Academy Award-winning star has gone from beauty queen to actress. Hey, when she first moved to New York to follow her acting dream, the money ran out before the jobs kicked in and she did a stint in a homeless shelter. Halle Berry and her twins were a rousing success in X-Men; and although she looked great in a catsuit, she and her assets bombed in Catwoman. Believe it or not, she’s 50 years old, but still so hot that Gal Gadot has tapped her as Wonder Woman’s love interest in a future installment of the franchise. 50? She’s got to be at the top of Hollywood’s hot cougar list. To whoever did the work on her girls, nice job!
8. Denise Richards – Rating: A
We round (no pun intended) out the A-List off with Denise Richards. After her, we fall off a cliff into a world of helium balloons, cottage cheese effects, and wonky. So, enjoy it while you can. Denise Richards is a former model (as in Playboy) who turned into a Bond girl actress. Please note: We did not say “good” actress. She has made some bad decisions in life. Like, for one, marrying Charlie Sheen. But she has made some good decisions—like divorcing him and choosing one talented plastic surgeon for her implants. From A cup to C-plus cup with style and grace. At 46, she’s another candidate for Hollywood’s hottest cougar list. Hey, she’s also come clean about swinging both ways with a “famous” woman. Nobody knows who. Darn it.
7. Coco Austin – D (Freak Show)
On the left, a pretty but ordinary girl. On the right? Welcome to the freak show. Coco Austin, Ice T‘s main squeeze and wife, had boob and butt jobs to make her top and her bottom the same size. WTF! You’ve got to be kidding. No, we are not. So, triple D top and triple D bottom? Yes. She has started to look like something that you might see in a side show at a circus. Add a bad nose and hair dye job and makeup applied with a towel and what you end up with is Jessica-Rabbit-meets-street-walker. It’s so bad, it’s funny. No word on what Ice T thinks. But since we hear he’s a boob guy, we guess he’s happy. And that butt? Puts Kim K and her big backside in the shade. And not in a good way. Shoot the surgeon, we say!
6. Lindsay Lohan – Rating: D (Older And No Wiser)
On the left, you see Lindsay Lohan when she was young and hot and pretty darn flat-chested. On the right, you see her after her implants. There’s a lot not to like about the implants. To begin with, one is a little bigger than the other. The gap is too big. And? Well, it’s way too much weight and cup size for her frame. Imagine if Kate Hudson had gone the Lindsay Lohan silicon route? Ridiculous; which is how Lindsay looks. She’s also gone down the excessive lip enhancement route. At times, she resembles a duck. Our Lindsay is just a creature of excess, as her drunken mug shots prove. And despite all the surgical intervention, her wild wild ways have caught up with her looks. 30 going on 50.
5. Heidi Montag – Rating: D (Stacked Plastic Mannequin)
We come to Heidi Montag, another barely 30 star who, like Lindsay Lohan, is not ageing well. Reports are that The Hills and Celebrity Big Brother reality star went from an A/B to a C and then to an F. The problem? It’s not just that the massive creatures are way too big for her body, but they look…well…plastic and artificial compared to Blake Lively’s or Scarlett Johansson’s surgically enhanced boobs. Heidi’s rack looks like they should be on a stacked plastic mannequin. Boobs like that just don’t make an appearance in nature or real life. Rumor has it that she lived with the F cups for a while and then went back down to a more sensible D cup. So, from A to C to F to D. We don’t know who her plastic surgeon is, but he must be one rich dude.
4. Pamela Anderson – Rating: D (Freak Show)
Three in a row. Once very hot babes who have not aged well at all. We come to Pamela Anderson, aka Stacked Plastic Mannequin Number Two. She went for a helium balloon effect that looks as if they are in danger of bursting from over-inflation. Pam was at her hottest on TV’s Baywatch and has since then made the mistake of marrying grungy rocker Tommy Lee (of Pam and Tommy s*x tape fame) and moving to a trailer park (albeit an upmarket one). These days, she’s a dedicated cougar and a fan of young hot guys who probably like to lose themselves under her massive cleavage. She gets older and older. And they get younger and younger.
3. Christina Aquilera – Rating: F (The Scars Have It)
We come to another rich and talented singer…and another bad boob job. It’s not just a case of artificial-looking “balloons” courtesy of Christina Aquilera. Granted, the size is not in a league with Coco, Lindsay, Heidi, or Pamela, but they are on a par with those babes as far as looking plastic and unreal. Plus, if you catch our Christina in a sleeveless dress waving, you will notice a telltale scar that shouts “boob job.” Many, including Marie Claire, suspect it’s a botched boob job that is to blame. Like it’s “sue the surgeon” bad to come away with scars like that. She’s not saying. Can you blame her? Keep wearing long sleeves and wave with the left arm, we say, Christina. But then, maybe that side is even worse.
2. Nicole Kidman – Rating: F (Cottage Cheese)
Some say Nicole Kidman was just perfect before she went under the knife and got bigger boobs. She played it smart and went for a bit bigger, but not huge. But, the thing is, rumor has it that the darn things were uneven and had the appearance of lumpy cottage cheese. And that cannot be a good thing. Then, back in 2016, when gossips said that hubs Keith Urban was cozying up to fellow American Idol judge Jennifer Lopez, Nicole had the cottage cheese implants removed, saying she didn’t want anything toxic in her body. So is it bye bye boobies and bye bye boob (Keith)? They were last seen arguing on a red carpet at a film premiere. Doesn’t look good.
1. Tara Reid – F++ (Where Do We Start?)
A picture is worth a thousand words, they say. Tara Reid before and Tara Reid after. The American Pie star became the poster child for botched boob jobs with a set that didn’t match. One was bigger than the other. And one drooped and sagged. What’s amazing is that this babe showed up braless to an event in a green dress that made it all too obvious how bad it was. Why on earth is she smiling? Talk about plastic surgery nightmares! Her 2004 surgery left her with “deformed nipples and rippled skin,” according to US Magazine. She told the mag, “My stomach became the most ripply, bulgy thing… I had a hernia, this huge bump next to my belly button. As a result, I couldn’t wear a bikini. I lost a lot of work.” She finally wised up and had the procedures reversed in 2006. Was that before or after suing the plastic surgeon?