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25 Hot Lesbians Straight Men Think About At Night

Entertainment

Guys are funny. They like lots of things and they’re not afraid to get really, really (I mean really) into something if they like it enough, like true obsessives. Don’t believe me? Think about your buddy who plays Fantasy Football a little bit too intensely. You know the type; the guy who scans the waiver wire at two in the morning when most sane people are asleep. Or how about your friend who’s super into the Star Wars franchise and everyone knows it because he won’t stop talking about how there can’t be more than two Sith Lords at a time so what the heck is up with Darth Vader courting Luke? Yeah, that guy.

Guys can get into gaming or maybe cars or even carpentry and before you know it they have completely jumped the shark. We are notorious for our time-suckage. Any guy out there who has managed to tear himself away from his projects long enough to find a wife or girlfriend knows just how much of a time-waster he is. His woman never lets him forget.

One thing guys spend entirely too much time doing (or just enough, depending upon your perspective) is reading about, watching, eyeing, ranking, and daydreaming about hot chicks. It’s just something we were born to do. But one of the things guys spend entirely too much wasted time on is thinking about famous lesbians. We don’t even want to “convert” them. Nope- we like hot, celebrity lesbians just fine the way they are. What we want to do is think about them a little bit at night when we’re not doing anything else- maybe rank them, maybe wonder if hot starlets who happen to play for the other team should find other hot starlets to join their team. You guys know what I’m talking about. Well, I’ve done your work for you already. Here are the 25 hottest Hollywood lesbians you guys know you think about at night.

25. Catherine McNeil

So it’s cool that models can be gay also, right? I can’t imagine why the fashion world wouldn’t be open and supportive of people of all types- have you ever seen what they make those models wear? – but you just never know. Catherine models for the little-known Versace, Dior, and Givenchy lines. I’m joking, I’m joking. She is a huge star who has reportedly dated many different women over the years, even if there’s never been a public confirmation by her. Since she’s a model it probably goes without saying that Catherine is smoking hot but you can take my word for it- she’s smoking hot.

24. Ruby Rose

Ruby Rose is pretty cool. How could she not be as an Australian model and DJ and actress and an openly gay woman? Oh yeah, she’s also on a little show called Orange is the New Black, so she’s got that going for her. Ruby actually says that she identifies more as a man in a woman’s body, which is cool also- whatever floats your boat. My only question is whether she holds the door open for herself when she’s out on the town. I hope that she was raised right and does do so- politeness is underrated these days.

23. Aubrey O’Day

Our girl Aubrey makes this list because she’s smoking-hot, not because she’s super-famous. I mean, she did star in a season of The Apprentice and she was in some kind of girl-band called Danity Kane. But mostly she’s just hot. To her credit, she was an open advocate for education and rights for gay people while on the show. Technically she identifies as Bi but we all know she’s way too hot for any of us- she needs another hot lady to complete her look.

22. Lindsay Lohan

So if you thought Anne Heche was confused, get a load of Lindsay. Unfortunately for her (and, hey, us as well, honestly) we all know way more about Lindsay’s personal life than we ever wanted to. That includes all the names of all the famous guys she supposedly slept with- you know; the ones that were written down in her little black book. But Lindsay also dated the British DJ Samantha Ronson for two years. That’s definitely “gay enough” to get her on this list. Whether Lindsay is straight, gay, bi, or something in-between, we certainly wish her the best of luck in figuring out this thing we call life.

21. Kristanna Loken

You may not remember Kristanna, who has been openly Bi for like forever, but she was once a big deal. She starred as a youngster in Boy Meets World and Unhappily Ever After. She was also the “Terminatrix” (which sounds hotter than it actually is) in Terminator. So we know she has been in some pretty cool stuff. Not surprisingly, she was in The L Word more recently. She was even married to a guy for a little while (see guys-there’s always hope!) but got divorced and now hangs out with other ladies (see guys- it’s hopeless).

20. Cara Delevingne

She used to be a monster-big model who traveled the runways of the world for lines like Chanel and Dolce & Gabbana. I’m pretty sure you’ve probably heard of those two little companies. So we can all agree Cara Delevingne is a huge success as a model. And why not- she’s certainly hot enough! But then she got into all kinds of crazy stuff like recording dance music for fun. Whatever gets you going Cara. She was dating the musician Annie Clark for a while but apparently put that on hold to focus on her nutso role as the Enchantress in Suicide Squad last year.

19. Michelle Rodriguez

Michelle is so hot it’s not even fair. Although to be fair, she does identify as Bi which means all of us guys out here have a chance with her. Yeah right. Michelle is also totally cool- she’s had some big time roles in some great movies. Sure she was on Lost at first but she parlayed her fame from that show into great roles in The Fast and the Furious (I bet you didn’t know she had no idea how to drive when the franchise started), Machete, Resident Evil, and my personal favorite, Battle L.A. Or then again, maybe my favorite role of hers is actually in Machete. It’s so hard to choose- Michelle, you’re too hot for us!

18. Anna Paquin

If you don’t remember seeing the very young Anna Paquin in The Piano (and you really should- she won an Oscar at age 11) then you probably remember the sort-of-young Anna as Rogue in the original X-Men franchise. Anna has always been pretty cool. She became even cooler, at least in my book, when she did a PSA for a LGBTQ advocacy group and came out as a bisexual in the video. Anna might be married now to a guy but she deserves a spot on this list for her openness, if nothing else. Oh yeah, she’s pretty hot as a grown up too.

17. Tila Tequila

Like her or loathe her (and most people, apparently, truly do loathe her) you’ve got to admit that Tila is pretty darn hot. She better be, because her claim to fame and her personality aren’t really getting her anywhere. First of all, Tila wants you to know that she was the most popular Myspace user ever. That’s like saying you were the dinosaur that escaped the fallout from the comet longest- you’re still extinct! Second, Tila likes to tell people she’s Bi and then, when male contestants win dates with her suddenly announce she’s only a lesbian. Third, she has weird and unsettling views about Hitler- look it up, if you don’t believe me. Anyway Tila thanks for sharing your hotness with the world, if not your views.

16. Maria Bello

Maria Bello first rose to prominence on ER as one of those world-beating Chicago TV doctors we all loved. Then again, I think half of Hollywood came to prominence on that show… Where Maria has really shone is in offbeat movies like The Cooler, A History of Violence and Coyote Ugly. But she’s anything but ugly. Maria is a total looker who also happens to be Bi. She was in a long-time relationship with another lady and was very open about it. She’s even written a book advocating for equality. The book is called Whatever…Love Is Love: Questioning the Labels We Give Ourselves and while I may not be running out and reading it tomorrow, I totally appreciate that there are stars like Maria fighting the good fight.

15. Kate McKinnon

How could you not be a fan of funny gal Kate McKinnon, no matter what her orientation? She’s been a cast member on SNL for years and has actually been nominated for two Emmys for her time on that show (a rare honor indeed for comedians). She was great in the wildly uneven Ghostbusters remake. And her work on the “Twin Bed” sketch alone is worth her admission into the Comedy Hall of Fame, wherever that’s located. Kate also happens to be full-on gay which is fine because come on guys- who needs hot, funny, and smart in a girlfriend anyway?

14. Samantha Fox

I’m pretty sure every single teenage boy in the Western Hemisphere had a big-time crush on Samantha Fox back in the ‘80s and early ‘90s. The British bombshell played sultry and sexy to absolute perfection in her videos. Now Samantha didn’t actually come out and publicly state that she was a lesbian for a long time, even though she lived with two different women over the years, Then she was “caught” judging a lesbian beauty contest (hey, we missed it!) and came out. She was with the same lady for over a decade until her partner passed away. But we guys will always remember Samantha fondly for other reasons.

13. Brandy Clark

I’m just going to assume that, the Nashville and country music scene being what it is, that it’s pretty hard being openly gay in that community. So more power to our girl Brandy, who began her career as a songwriter and penned some monster hits for the likes of Sheryl Crow and Miranda Lambert– that’s some pretty cool company! Brandy decided to get into performing herself and released a solo album a few years ago. She even had a follow-up last year with Big Day in a Small Town. Unlike some of the ladies leading this list, Brandy is not Bi but 100% gay. Sorry guys.

12. Anne Heche

Anyone remember Anne Heche? Before she starred in bad movies with Harrison Ford, or tried to resurrect her career on ABC’s Quantico and Syfy’s Aftermath (I love that Syfy is called the “Space Channel” in Canada. So imaginative!) she had a tiny little fling with a certain lady who is famous enough to have only one name. Yup, Anne dated Ellen for three years (OK, not so tiny after all) before deciding that she was hetero. They were quite the couple back in the day. Since Heche has been accused of having many, many mental issues it’s hard to tell whether she’s really straight, gay, or confused.

11. Jessica Clark

Jessica Clark is a goddess! Well, at least she played one on True Blood. A vampire goddess, that is. She’s originally from London and was a model before becoming an actress (there’s a shocking career path- I’ve never heard of such a thing!). She was married for a while to a lady who was a fitness instructor. So a model and a fitness instructor were together in a lesbian marriage? Hmmm, that doesn’t sound like anything a straight guy would ever be interested in… Jessica hosts something called Lesbian Love Vlog on something called afterellen.com. I’ll be honest, I didn’t actually research that to find out if it’s a site devoted to the lesbian life- I kinda inferred from the name that it was.

10. Sarah Paulson

Here’s Sarah Paulson for your viewing pleasure. I have to warn you though guys- you don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell with her. Not only is she a lesbian who has been in more than one very long-term relationship, she also seems to like older partners. Both actresses we know to have dated her, Cherry Jones (who won an Emmy for her work on 24) and Holland Taylor (who also won an Emmy- for The Practice), are significantly older than she. But she sure does have good taste in her partners! Sarah is best known for appearing in every season of American Horror Story. Well, that and being hot.

9. Sarah Gilbert

She may not be as famous as she once was but, on the other hand, Sarah Gilbert grew up to be a bit of a looker. Although she created The Talk on CBS daytime and can often be seen on the Big Bang Theory, Gilbert is best known for growing up before our eyes for almost 10 years on Roseanne and being the coolest teenage chick on TV. But she’s definitely not little Darlene Conner anymore. She’s been in more than one long-term lesbian relationship, including a marriage, and is very open about being gay. You rock our world Darlene!

8. Michelle Bonilla

Michelle might not be a household name but she should be. She gained her fame on the classic medical drama ER, something that she used to help produce her own film, Slip Away, about the lesbian experience. Michelle is a very vocal advocate for gay rights and, as “Latina Lesbian” she probably feels that she needs to be that open just to keep a step ahead of a community that is not always very welcoming to LGBTQ people, even famous ones. We think Michelle can resuscitate us anytime she wants to, if she ever wants to.

7. Ellen Page

You guys might remember Ellen Page from her work in Trailer Park Boys, right? That was such a crazy show and she was a big part of it. But if you’ve actually thought of her it was probably for her titular role in Juno, am I right? She was a freaking sensation because of that movie. She’s also been in the newer X-Men movies among many others. She’s also openly gay and has even gone on Ellen to talk about her love life. I guess if you’re a lesbian one of the best places to talk about it would be on Ellen. Am I right or am I right?

6. Kristen Stewart

Here’s a quote from good ol’ Kristen: “Right now I’m just really in love with my girlfriend. We’ve broken up a couple of times and gotten back together, and this time I was like, ‘Finally, I can feel again.’” Or how about this one from openly admitting she was gay: “it’s cool that you don’t have to nail everything down any more. That whole certainty about whether you’re straight or gay or whatever.” Or, if you’re into the whole brevity thing: “(I’m) so gay.” OK, we got your message loud and clear Kristen, don’t worry. I guess there might have actually been a reason for all the disastrous relationships she found herself in with her male costars all those years.

5. Jodie Foster

Jodie Foster may very well be the Queen of the Classy Lesbians, if there is such a thing. And if there isn’t, may I be the first to say we need such an organization stat. Foster has been in more awesome roles than one can count and needs a shopping cart to lug her awards around in, including two Oscars for Best Actress. She’s also a long-standing openly gay Hollywood icon. If you’ve only heard of Jodie recently as a director on shows like Orange is the New Black, you may not remember what a looker she was when she was younger or her work in Taxi Driver, The Accused, and of course The Silence of the Lambs.

4. Gillian Anderson

It appears that we have two heavy hitters in a row. Gillian has always been one of my favorites as the cool, calm, collected, classy, and yes, “Jodie Foster-esque” Agent Scully on The X-Files. So it was pretty cool to hear from Gillian that she had a long-term lesbian relationship in school and even after has had more than one affair with other women. I guess the beautiful ginger actress is actually Bi, not full-on gay, which means a guy can still dream, right? Most guys I know would love to investigate Agent Scully a little bit more in depth.

3. Chely Wright

Remember when I said Nashville is probably a tough town for openly gay women (or gay anything, for that matter) to succeed in. Unfortunately, I was right. Chely was an up and coming country sensation back in the late ‘90s and 2000s. Then she came out as a gay woman. Not surprisingly her career quickly stalled. Chely doesn’t care though- she’s tough and honest and is on the comeback trail. Her most recent album came out last year and charted really high on Billboard’s Country Charts (#13). She’s happily married and isn’t afraid to show it. She’s also quite the LGBTQ activist. Maybe Chely needs to change hearts and minds one person at a time down in Nashville but she’s sure doing it!

2. Ellen

Here she is the most famous lesbian in the world. And why not? Ellen has taken the whole talk show thing to new heights and in directions Oprah never dreamed. She’s weirdly hot in her elfin-blonde, man-cut way. Or maybe Ellen isn’t that hot at all but actually a classic beauty, if you know the difference. She really is actually pretty easy on the eyes. She’s also probably the most famous openly gay person in the history of openly gay people, so she’s got that going for her. She also has the lady who is our next entry going for her as well.

1. Portia De Rossi

And here’s Portia, Ellen’s wife and former star of the super-cool TV shows Ally McBeal, Arrested Development, Better off Ted, and Nip/Tuck. Portia is an amazing actress but apparently an even more amazing spouse to Ellen, who is constantly bragging about her. All I know for sure is that Portia is definitely the sort of lesbian who guys don’t mind thinking about- she is a big-time looker! Well, I also know that her work as Lindsay Funke on Arrested Development was pretty damn awesome as well.

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