Oh, celebrities. The internet’s best clickbait aside from “those” films, and videos of kittens doing silly things. So what could be even better than just celebrities? Why, celebrities being naughty of course. While there is likely a niche market getting their fill of raunchy celebrity content with cat suits, or kittens in the scene somewhere, that’s not the kind of ship that’s run here, so just the celebrity sex in surprising places. Some of the places might feel typical to some, and if they do, “you might be a redneck”.
Conversely, one might simply be shocked by who one celebrity is sleeping with, never mind the where. As an example, those who forgot that Angelina Jolie used to be married to the unfortunate Billy Bob Thornton, might find some shock in this article. Otherwise it’s likely one will not be so surprised at either the daring, or the sleaze of many of the other celebs.
Probing the relatively hollow and vapid lives of these celebrities, and their fairly purposely propounded sexy times, seems always to be endless fun, and there will no doubt be (likely already) another score (pun intended) of these stories to follow in the wake of these dirty deeds.
20. In A Gym Bathroom…
First off, this couple is as consistent as a pair of rabbits, so it’s no real shock to learn that they were getting it on somewhere fairly public; especially since their lives are eternally catalogued for their absolutely ridiculous reality TV shows. This little bit of fun didn’t feature on The Kardashians, surprisingly enough (though of course the rest featured heavily as always). On an episode of Kourtney and Kim Take New York, Kourtney and Scott plan to take each other. Kim, deciding to stay home from clubbing that night, ruins the lovers’ plans, and Scott goes to work off his frustrations in the gym. Of course, this sparks a bright idea from Mr. Disick and he pulls Kourtney into the gym bathroom for a romp. It’s a bit seedy, but ultimately less immediately voyeuristic than doing it over the railing of a balcony for all to see, including Kim.
19. In A Limo… With Billy Bob Thornton…
So, sex with Angelina Jolie is far from unfortunate… but sex with Billy Bob Thornton… perhaps it is best everyone forgets that Jolie ever was married to him. But of course, the story still must be told. Riding in style (except for when on Thornton), Jolie was in a limo on the way to the 2000 MTV Movie Awards… and Thornton was in her, to make a long story short… likely a short story. But that was not all, of course. In addition to having a romp with one of Hollywood’s most skeezy men, Jolie then got out of the limo, strode down the red carpet, and announced, unapologetically, that she had just had it off with Billy Bob Thornton. One can solemnly hope that, in the wake of maybe actually leaving Brad Pitt now, beyond the sea of children that she has, she doesn’t find her way back into the arms of Mr. Billy Bob Thornton.
18. A Yacht Bathroom During Cannes Film Festival
Well, most everyone now has seen Paris Hilton have sex. The scandalous tape flooded every corner of the internet for quite a long time. It wasn’t until maybe Kardashian’s tape surfaced that the Paris Hilton relief services finally finished the job, and even then, she can still be found in the not so dark recesses of the web. However, this isn’t about the tape. This is about sex in a yacht bathroom. In terms of class, doing the deed in a bathroom is pretty seedy… but a bathroom on a yacht at least adds a decent amount of class. One can debate how classy Hilton is after having it off with Doug Reinhard, but there it is all the same. However little sense it seems to make, Elton John’s husband invited Hilton and her boy toy to a friend’s private yacht. Of course, on a private yacht in Paris… why not try to have sex? Of course they got caught, but who knows if it was on purpose or not. Either way, they got the boot from the party that was obviously too classy for the likes of them, and people have more stories to share about the vapid life of Paris Hilton.
17. The Bathroom At The Opera
This isn’t (so far as this author knows) a photo from the very event, but one can imagine Barrymore was likely just about as sauced as she clearly is here. And wide and white-eyed as Moretti is here, it’s more than likely that he was sober as a judge, or riding high on coke, working to get Barrymore to dance in the opera bathroom. Or, as is alleged, La Bohemme was just a boring opera to these uncultured swine. One might expect more from the granddaughter of Hollywood royalty John Barrymore, but from Moretti? Well here’s his story: “If we’d gone to the men’s room, people would’ve heard it and said, ‘Good on you, man’. But we were in the ladies’ room, and when we heard an old woman start to tinkle, we couldn’t help but crack up. I guess she told the security guy— he came in and was, like, ‘Just go’.” Can’t fault them for trying, but they should’ve known better than to use the ladies’ room… though imagine the giggles they’d have had when a man decided to sit on the thunder box.
16. In A Chateau Marmont Elevator
Who remembers that Benicio Del Toro and Scarlet Johansson were a thing? Sorry for the very unfortunate reminder, but the story must be told again. The hulking Del Toro (at least in comparison to the twig that is Johansson), apparently had a sweaty romp in a Chateau Marmont elevator… I can’t believe that someone so petite and precious would subject herself to such an experience, but the story does exist. That being said, Scarlet Johansson also refuses to believe that such a story exists. Denying the story to the media, it’s unsure if the Hollywood sweetie simply wants to forget, or is dead serious about the falsity of the story. Del Toro was less forward about the story (surprise, surprise): “Did I ever have sex in an elevator with Scarlett Johansson after an awards show? I kind of like, you know, I, well. I don’t know. Let’s leave that to somebody’s imagination. Let’s not promote it. I’m sure it has happened before. It might not be the last time either.” … so they did do it… but don’t talk about it… it’ll happen again?
15. The Grand Canyon (Not A Euphemism)
No, this isn’t about someone getting freaky in Jenny McCarthy’s grand canyon. This is about Jenny McCarthy getting freaky in the Grand Canyon. It certainly comes across that Jenny has a bit of an adventurous, or maybe just a landmark-obsessed mind… at least at first. But then one reads her account of the story. “I wish it was more exciting, but it’s the Grand Canyon. I certainly did it, so I can say I did it in the Grand Canyon, because otherwise it’s the back seat of a car and that’s not exciting. But the bottom of the Grand Canyon is not fun. There’s like scorpions and stones and dirt and it’s hot. It was like the strangest and worst sex of my life.” That’s like… so ridiculous. But seriously it is. Not only did Jenny McCarthy have so poor an imagination to think it’s either sex in the Grand Canyon or the car, and that’s it, but she also choose the most obviously stupid place to have it in the canyon. Of course it’s hot down there… and of course there’s dirt and stones. If she wasn’t so obviously daft, one might be inclined to really make fun of her for this. Should’ve had some exhilarating sex near the edge of the canyon. Fewer things trying to kill you, and more cameras to capture it.
14. Lifeguard Hut… Beach… Ocean…
Oh Joanna Krupa… this Polish American model has never been afraid to bare all, and not just for photo shoots. She has been frequently seen out at the beach, tossing aside the top half of her bikini, and going for a drip, or a frolic with her boyfriend (surely she’d lose the bottom half as well if it wasn’t for those pesky laws about decency). That being said, one time, when she was with a boyfriend (who is not the man above) on vacation, Krupa decided to be adventurous. Used to men wanting to have her anywhere and everywhere, her new boy toy lacking spontaneity, Krupa decided to take matters into her own hands… and elsewhere. So according to her, “I took him to the lifeguard booth and basically had sex there and on the beach and everywhere else you can think… but I know he wasn’t feeling comfortable.” So not only did she have her way with him, but he wasn’t even enjoying the adventure of it all. Understandably, they’re not together anymore.
13. In… A Wine Bar
Well… Robbie Williams. Famous for sticking his… nose in many people’s… business, has loved nothing more than to brag about where he’s had sex, with what drugs, and… well he might have mentioned when and with whom if ever he could recall, but them’s the breaks. This classiest of men has had a go with women in a variety of places, but the classiest spot of all must be in a wine bar. It would be interesting to know if it was during service (not his service), or while the place was closed. Knowing Williams, he likely had his hand up the skirt of whomever it was while she was ordering a rose, and took her right there as the couple next to them ordered a stiff Pinot Noir. “The thing about drugs and sex is that you lose all your inhibitions. I’ve had sex in trains, planes, wine bars… and quite a few car parks!” I don’t want to fault Robbie here, but “quite a few car parks” makes it seem like he goes slumming far more than he sticks to being classy. Stay golden Robbie.
12. A Bathroom At A Family Gathering
There was a comment above made about how trashy it is to have bathroom sex. Fun as it can be, it is trashy… but slightly less so if it is on a private yacht in Paris (way to go Hilton). However, let it be known, here and now, that having sex in the bathroom… at a family gathering… new levels of trash, for sure. At a family wedding: understandable. In the bathroom, and then the family comes home early: ok, sure. But sex in the bathroom, during a family gathering… the level of trash in that act nearly places an honorary tramp stamp on her, as she swigs back some Pabst, while kissing her second cousin. According to a friend of Aguilera‘s, “Nobody can get through to her. They think she’s trashy. And her ego is out of control.” If even her family thinks she’s trashy… that means they were privy to all the goings on in that bathroom, during that family gathering. How one doesn’t die from blush after realizing the whole family knows something that trashy just happened… or how one can do it, knowing full well the family will all hear… new levels of disrespect are discovered when people think of this genie’s bottle.
11. In A DJ Booth…
Now to be honest, it’s pretty fantastic that a DJ can get away with this. Especially since there are few DJs, surely, who could say that they’ve even had a lot of sex to begin with (at least based on their job title anyway). But Pete Wentz has dreamed a dream, and lived it as well, it seems (go figure the drummer from The Strokes, and the bassist from Fall Out Boy would feature here). Running a show in Las Vegas, Wentz was gifted with a balcony from which to DJ. All of his gear laid out in front of him, he could look out to the crowd, but they could not see much of him, or at least not the apparently exciting part of him that night. Afforded this little bit of privacy, why not invite someone up for a bit of a romp? “We could see the people dancing below but they couldn’t see up to where we were.” Given that sort of privacy, working a job of that sort, one could just leave a playlist running of pre-mixed beats, and start drinking, snorting, and fucking one’s way through the night. Easy money (and women) for Wentz that night, it seems.
10. In Jail… Yup, Jail
Now to be fair this wasn’t full on sex (and the photo above is of a hospital room, and not a jail cell), but these two did attempt to get their freak on without Johnny Law getting in the way. In jail for drug charges, rapper T.I. was apparently getting a little tired of using his own hands, so he had his girlfriend Tiny come for a visit. They were graced with a relatively private room to meet in, and then T.I. dropped a little surprise into Tiny’s hands. Not daring enough to drop drawers and mount, T.I. must have thought himself discreet enough to get away with a quick handjob. But, as it happens, he was not. Caught in the act, Tiny was told to leave, and T.I. was placed in a “special housing unit” for two weeks. Now let’s be honest, was the use of someone else’s hands really worth the two weeks in solitary? Go for the goal, or just go back to jail. And people thought he was gangsta…
9. In Florence… “Among masterpieces”
Apparently Kanye West really loves Florence (seemingly more than having sex with Kim Kardashian, but that’s no fault of his, surely). He must simply envy the ability of the Renaissance artisans, given how poor he is creatively, but that’s neither here nor there. The point is, on a purposefully discreet trip to Florence (the photo above is not from that trip), the odd couple strolled through the streets of the old city, until they found a little haven, away from the people, to have a nice little go at each other…
Kanye explains it, though maybe not best: “…To tell you the truth, I already came to the banks of the Arno [river] with Kim last year, just the two of us, incognito. I think that our daughter North was conceived here among the Renaissance masterpieces.” So he came to the river, but had sex among “the masterpieces”… It’s a bit confusing, that statement. He must think the whole city is a masterpiece, because it’s unlikely they had a go right beside Michelangelo’s David.
8. On Stage!
Don’t worry, this video is very thankfully not overwhelmingly explicit. All one sees is a head moving back and forth for a time. It’s enough to understand just what’s going on. According to Danny Brown, he didn’t notice… “I don’t know, maybe I had my dick sucked a lot and I didn’t really understand what was going on because I was working, I was doing my job, so I didn’t really know what was going on until it was too late… I don’t know. I think it’s legal, I ain’t pressing no charges. [Did I finish?] No, no, no. No, I kept my composure. I did my thing. Yeah, I was working. To be honest, I be so zoned out while I’m rapping I don’t know what’s going on. Somebody could smack me and I probably wouldn’t even know.” I bet the giver that night wishes she had smacked him instead. Apparently she was so bad, or he was just so used to so many other mouths around him that he didn’t even notice. Some celebrities are amazing, but Danny boy… you’re just depressing.
7. Private Box At The Royal Albert
First of all, who even remembers Sinitta from before Angelina Jolie came into the picture… before Angelina Jolie decided to up and leave? No one is the expected answer, of course. Regardless, once upon a time, a long, long time ago, this unlikely couple was at a show at the Royal Albert concert hall. During this show, perhaps bored much like Barrymore and her skeezy date, Pitt and Sinitta had a romp on the floor of their private box… Is it strange that Brad Pitt was in a private box? Their relationship didn’t last all that long, so perhaps Sinitta’s wasn’t all that private, but the cheeky humour surely doesn’t go unnoticed. Another thing that might be pertinent to this story is that Sinitta is the only one to confirm this story. Pitt has not gone out of his way to confirm or deny the fairly classy story. At least it wasn’t in the bathroom of the Royal Albert.
6. On A Jet Ski
Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett have had it off in several places. Unlike Jenny McCarthy, they have an imagination (it would be hard for a Playmate of Hefner’s to not have some sort of imagination). They’ve had a go in a jacuzzi (likely the one above), in their kitchen, in their cars, and even in a vineyard during a tour. But that’s not the most exciting… though having sex in a vineyard is pretty classy (less classy when it’s during a tour, but still). The most exciting place, it seems to this author, that this amorous couple has had a romp is on a jet ski… a jet ski! One can already imagine the optimum position, given that a jet ski can only fit two people anyway, and it would be way more exciting to be going hard while… going hard. “We don’t trap ourselves in the bedroom. We are spontaneous people and we don’t take things so serious. We like to look outside the box… Hank and I did have sex on a jet ski in Cabo. It was awesome!” I’ve got to hand it to this couple, they know how to have a good time.
5. On The Staten Island Ferry
Ooooh… now this just sounds depressing. All one can hope is that good ol’ Liev Schreiber, who apparently loves sex in the great outdoors, meant to be on the Staten Island Ferry simply to have a romp on the ferry and not to go to the island… because what is there to do on Staten Island? Stroll through twenty parks and museums, trudge by the 9/11 memorial, then speed up to a jaunt to make it back to the ferry, and home in time for dinner? Personally… all of those parks and museums sound like great places for a bit of a personal exchange. But, Mr. Schreiber was not on the way to the island necessarily. In fact, apparently his aim was to enjoy the entire day on the ferry. “I once had a very fun Sunday on the Staten Island Ferry!” claimed Liev. Imagine, taking an entire day to frolic on the Staten Island Ferry… those museums and parks sound really inviting when compared to a whole day on the ferry.
4. Underneath A Table At The Oscars
Ok, wow. Either the lack of brains, or the bravado of this woman must be staggering, but there’s no way it’s both. At the Oscars… under a table at the Oscars! Of course this has never truly been confirmed, and may likely never fully come to light… until Miley writes her first, big tell-all. But until that day, people can rest fairly assured that it’s more than likely that Miley, got really liquored, loose, and lascivious at the loud Oscars party, hand already between Liam‘s legs, pulled Hemsworth “down under” and had a great romp under their table while people sat around it. The only evidence that’s come to light thus far is a bit of Blind Gossip which read, “This former A-list tweener kept up her one person bucket list of sexual experiences to try. She pouted and emasculated her soon to be very close to A-list movie star boyfriend, but now just a B- until he agreed to have sex with her under a table while people were sitting there.” Sounds like a perfect description of the two.
3. In A Porta-Potty
Wow Gerard Butler. Not only has it been aforementioned that bathroom sex is kind of trashy… in addition, it’s been mentioned that bathroom sex at a family function is really trashy. What could possibly be more trashy than that? Well, getting absolutely trashed at Coachella, grinding in the parking lot with a bedazzled brunette, then pulling her on over to the porta-potty area, choosing a shit box, and going in for a romp. That is a level of trash that would make Christina Aguilera look like an environmentalist. Talk about doing the nasty. It would be harder to have it off in a porta-potty than it would trying to figure out doggy style on a jet ski while pushing full throttle. The logistics of having a go in a porta-potty… not to mention the reality of it. Sure, they’re both positively potted, and sure she must just be happy to have been dragged to a porta-potty by Butler, but… the pervading aroma or stale urine and feces… the not-too-slim chance of tipping that shit box over while going at it, stumbling over in a drunken passion… new meaning to dirty pool there Gerard.
2. Between Subway Cars… Totally Safe
Before she was married, and before she played the rather regal, and seemingly sexually inept Gamora, Zoe Saldana got very ghetto and had a dangerous romp between two subway cars… before going any further, do read what she had to say about it: “The craziest place I’ve had sex— I am a part of the Mile High Club… Okay, this is ghetto, but hey, I’m from Queens, whatever. There is a train from Coney Island all the way back into the city, and in between two train cars. It was super ghetto.” On the way back from Coney Island no less! It’s unsure whether one should feel that she is perhaps one of the most badass chicks in the world… or one of the trashiest. This author thinks that to have the nerve to do it in between two train cars in a New York subway is incredibly ghetto… but also incredibly badass. Saldana must have done all of her own stunts for Guardians Of The Galaxy because only a sister from Queens with moves like that would not be afraid to brave the transit system, and the seedy characters who thrive within it.
1. The Men’s Washroom… Anywhere
This might be a bit touchy… and not necessarily in the happy way, but there is a man who thought it very fun to have a look for sex in public washrooms. Yes, it is indeed trashy. Not as trashy as sex in a washroom during a family gathering (or at least not in the same way), and not as trashy as a porta-potty… but George Michael, who should’ve decided that public washrooms were a bit bad for him after a time, loved it. Now this isn’t about whether it was heart failure or HIV that killed the man (though it would not be surprising if the latter had a play in things), but George Michael had spent plenty of time in public washrooms. He was arrested for touching himself, arrested for eliciting sex from an undercover cop, and more often than not, managed to get a hook-up, and enjoy a good romp. “Sex is natural, sex is good/Not everybody does it, but everybody should”. All one can say to that? Well it’s easy… WHAM!