Celebrity behavior is out of control these days. They lie and they cheat. They are self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing. And in many instances, they act like total babies. Don’t believe us? Then take a look at some of the pictures we have in this piece. It showcases the glitterati at their worst. They suck their thumbs, they wet their pants, and they do the hula-hula dance.
It’s like celebrities get a boatload of fame and fortune, and then innately release their inner child for all the world to see. Meanwhile, the rest of us spend our entire lives suppressing immature urges to eat dessert for dinner, throw tantrums and take two naps a day. Some of these stars are such babies that we want to scold them and make them sit in the corner for a time-out while they think about what they’ve done.
Being in the public eye comes with a certain amount of responsibility, but you would never know it by watching many celebrities. If we acted like they did, we’d lose our jobs, be shunned by our friends and family, and would wind up panhandling on the corner for loose change. But somehow when celebrities act like babies, they don’t suffer any consequences. People think it’s “cute.”
20. Paris Hilton – Pouty Face
What’s the matter, Paris? Were you a naughty girl? Did you get a time-out? Poor Paris. Poor, poor Paris. This girl has made a career out of acting like an irresponsible child – and has been paid handsomely for it. First, it was the sex tape. Then, she acted like a spoiled, dim-witted brat on The Simple Life. Finally, her bad behavior reached an apex when she was sentenced to prison time due to drug possession. Oh – and there were plenty of crotch shots, mean girl antics and meltdowns in between. We’ve seen toddlers that have better manners. What is she going to do next? Mess her pants? Shame-shame, know your name! If we were her parents, we would have sent her to bed without her supper, put her on permanent punishment (no clubbing, no parties, no boys) and made her write “I won’t be an idiot” about a zillion times until she learned her lesson.
19. Lady Gaga – Butt Picker
Little kids are always sticking their hands where they shouldn’t – into electrical sockets, into their noses and into their pants. Such is the case with this shot of Lady Gaga, who is blatantly picking a wedgie. She’s walking around like a toddler with a hot mess in its pants. Even her outfit looks like a baby’s. She looks like she’s wearing one of those onesies that parents put their infants in. Lady Gaga likes to dress in wild ways, but this is baby chic bordering on creepy child p*rn. If this is what she does when she’s out in the open, what sick fantasies is she acting out at home? Is she drinking Enfamil spiked with vodka? Is she slathering Desitin on her nether regions? Did she make Taylor Kinney let her suck his nipples? We can see now why she chose the moniker Lady Gaga.
18. Charlize Theron – Tantrum
Charlize Theron is throwing more of a temper tantrum than her son is in this pic. She has totally lost her cool, and can’t control her own child. Just a few years ago this Oscar winner was stunning fans while walking the red carpet in designer gowns. Now, she looks like a frazzled soccer mom. She’s yelling, pushing and pulling at her son. Theron is no better than this little kid – she stooped to his level and is causing just as much of a commotion as he is. It looks like they both need a spanking.
After seeing Theron acting out like this, it’s hard to believe that she was once poised and elegant. Does having one child alter your mentality that much? It’s really odd that a big celebrity like her is acting so juvenile. Parenting is stressful, but she’s got a fortune and can put it to good use with nannies to ease the load. Theron might not want “the help” parenting her child, which is understandable. So, we do suggest that she finds a father figure for the boy now that her relationship with Sean Penn is finished.
17. Margot Robbie – Freaking Out
Margot Robbie looks like she just got her hand caught in the cookie jar, and is waiting for her punishment. But the real reason is something even less innocuous – she’s worried about the hockey game she’s watching. It must be nice to lead such a charmed life that your biggest fear is if the Rangers are going to score. And why does she even care? She’s from Australia – not New York! People are starving in the world, Korea is testing nuclear weapons, and AIDS diagnoses are climbing. But here Robbie is, wrapped up in her own little problems just like a child that thinks that the world revolves around them. Robbie is like a female Peter Pan, wanting to stay in Neverland and not grow up. Good luck with that. It didn’t work out for Michael Jackson, and it won’t work out for her. She’ll be in for a rude awakening in a couple years when she’s eclipsed by another actress that is younger, blonder and more attractive.
16. Britney Spears – Cry Baby
Britney Spears looks like a petulant, crying child in this pic. She was given the world, and what did she do with it? She can’t even lip sync right, let alone dance. It’s hard to tell what she’s crying about this time. If we were her, we’d be crying that our career is over or that we don’t have any true friends. But if reports about her are accurate, she acts up about the slightest thing – like not being able to go out for sushi or because her hair extensions are too tight.
Spears acts like such a baby, that the world is waiting to see just how messed up her kids will turn out. After all, she made numerous missteps when parenting including driving while holding her baby on her lap, letting one of them fall out of his high chair which resulted in a skull fracture, and almost dropping one on the street. We’d say that maybe the father can even things out, but K-Fed is no father of the year.
15. Jennifer Lopez – Nose Picker
What’s more infantile than picking your nose? Jennifer Lopez’s finger is so far up in her nostril that you can only see one knuckle sticking out. What’s she digging for, anyway? Gold? Jenny from the Block is definitely unladylike. Only children pick their noses. We’re just happy she didn’t eat the boogers. Yuck!
Sure, everyone picks – but there’s a time and a place. Lopez knows that she’s constantly being filmed and photographed, so why risk getting shot in an unflattering position? Has she ever heard of a tissue or a handkerchief? Heck, she could even has used the bow on her shirt. Anything would’ve been preferable to picking like there’s no tomorrow. She might not care, but she should have some consideration for the rest of us – we have the misfortune of having to look at this image.
14. Jessica Alba – Binky Sucker
Jessica Alba is the babiest baby that ever babied. She’s sucking on a pacifier for goodness sake! We hope she’s just doing it because her hands are full, rather than trying to reignite the pacifier accessory trend of the 90s. But in all seriousness, no one should be sucking on a pacifier – adult or baby. Pacifiers are the worst thing to happen to babies since doctors telling pregnant women to drink a cocktail every night to wind down. Children often become overly attached to and dependent on their pacifiers. When they are constantly sucking on them, they are telling the world that their parents are irresponsible. Any pediatrician will tell you that overuse can cause speech and language delays, not to mention a malformed oral cavity. What’s the best way to prevent this from happening? By never giving your child a pacifier to begin with! But Alba doesn’t want you to know this. Her billion dollar business, The Honest Company, is predicated on her posing as a responsible mother. Yeah, right. She should go suck an egg – not a pacifier.
13. Miley Cyrus – Silly Face
Miley Cyrus can’t compete with the big girls. She isn’t buxom enough to be asked to pose for Playboy. She isn’t tall enough to strut on the catwalk. And her personality isn’t good enough to catch the eye of any high profile Hollywood men for long. So she threw the world a curveball once she grew up – she turned into more of a child than she was when she was Hannah Montana. Cyrus tried to create a look for herself that was in contrast to all the real women out there. She made herself into a baby, complete with pigtails and juvenile mannerisms like sticking out her tongue. But the worst was all her desperate cries for attention that were broadcast all over the media. Her wacky outfits and sloppy dancing were like a child that acts up just to get negative attention rather than be ignored.
12. Megan Fox – Thumb Sucker
Megan Fox is channeling her inner baby in this pic, which shows her sucking her thumb. This would be really hot, except for the fact that everyone knows she has “toe thumbs.” So, the whole thing is actually really gross. We imagine that she’s sucking toe jam out of her thumb, and that her thumbs probably smell like feet. She probably even bites her nails. Icky! She’s been rumored to have all sorts of plastic surgery, from a nose job to breast implants. Frankly, it would have been wiser to get her thumbs fixed. She should keep her hands behind her back or hidden in her pockets, not in her mouth.
11. Lauren Conrad – Cry Baby
Lauren Conrad has the cutest little baby face in this pic. We don’t know if she’s crying over a fight with a friend, or some guy trouble. But we are certain that she looks absolutely beautiful while crying. Most girls do the “ugly cry” where their skin turns red, their facial features contort, and snot runs out of their nose. But Conrad remains angelic looking when she’s crying. She almost looks prettier weeping. Her hazel eyes are more shimmery and her lips are poutier.
10. Miranda Kerr – Stuffed Animal Cuddler
When most starlets act like babies, it means they are behaving pretty badly. Whining, crying, nagging – the whole kit and caboodle. But here, Miranda Kerr looks like a doll baby. She has full, rosy cheeks and big bright eyes. And what could be cuter than her snuggling with two furry friends? She looks like she just woke up from a nap and wants to play. Kerr adds some sensuality to this pic by posing in a robe with an open front. Very inviting, don’t you think? We can imagine her speaking baby talk to her man. Goo-goo, ga-ga.
9. Bella Thorne – Nap Time
Bella Thorne is sleeping like a baby in this shot. She’s comfy-cozy in her seat, with a plush purple blanket thrown over her. We want to snuggle up for a sweet dream right next to her. Does she even realize how gorgeous she is in this pose? There are not many people who look this good while sleeping. Her facial features are soft and feminine, what with her parted pink lips, button nose and full eyelashes. Her neck is swan-like, her exposed hand is dainty, and she has the flawless skin of a newborn. Thorne may be an adult now, but she’ll always be our baby.
8. Scarlett Johansson – Silly Face
Scarlett Johansson is acting like a total baby while walking the red carpet! She’s making a silly face, and hamming it up for the camera. Maybe she learned those moves from her own baby, Rose. We must admit that now that Johansson has a daughter, she has lost a little of her hotness. Picturing her on diaper duty doesn’t exactly paint a sexy picture. And nowadays she has evidence of sleep deprivation on her face, and has chopped her hair off. It’s a shame, but her appeal has diminished a little. The only good thing that having a baby did was engorge her breasts while she was nursing. Now that we can get on board with!
7. Kate Upton – Dessert Time
Kate Upton looks sweet and sticky while licking this rocket pop in a pictorial for GQ magazine. She took something totally innocent, and made it seductive. Suddenly, are ears are perked up for the music of the ice cream truck. Sucking on a popsicle would be the next best thing to hooking up with Upton.
It’s really hot to see a girl that likes to eat. It means she has some meat on her bones, and doesn’t have OCD about calories. If Upton’s commercial work is any indication, she can really dig in. After all, she started out endorsing burgers for Carl’s Jr.
6. Gisele Bundchen – So Sleepy
Gisele Bundchen looks like she’s getting a little cranky and is ready to be put down for nap in this shot of her yawning. And just like a little baby, she’s tired even though she hasn’t done anything. We’ve all seen the pictures of her with her entourage waiting on her hand and foot. She has people to do her makeup, people to do her hair, and people to do her cooking and cleaning. Bundchen doesn’t even walk for Victoria’s Secret anymore. So why is she so tired? Maybe being Mrs. Tom Brady is wearing her out. After all, it has to be insufferable to listen to his whining and watch him look in the mirror all day styling his hair.
5. Taylor Swift – PJ Time
Taylor Swift is rocking her jammy-jams in this pic taken from one of her music videos. It makes her look like a sweet little girl. But what is the most infantilizing are her antics. Swift complains like a spoiled brat when she’s criticized by the media. She cries about her failed relationships. And she bullies her enemies. She’s about as innocent as Britney Spears. You heard it here first, Swift will eventually have a meltdown that will make Spears’ China Syndrome episode look like a mere Three Mile Island accident. Of course, then she’ll be involuntarily checked into a psych ward, and can wear all the pajamas she wants. If we were her, we’d start stocking up on footed pajamas now.
4. Ashley Tisdale – Mickey Dress-Ups
Disney alum Ashley Tisdale looks like she just can’t give up her mouse ears. She might be all grown up now, but she’s still just a kid inside. And who can blame her? You’re never too old for Disney! Kids of all ages visit Disney every year, watch Disney movies over and over, and quote their favorite characters. There’s just something about Disney magic that stays with you. Tisdale might have glammed up her mouse ears with silver sequins, and added a sultry stare to her pose, but she will forever be an honorary Mouseketeer.
3. Kate Moss – Bunny Dress-Ups
Kate Moss may have made a name for herself strutting her stuff on the runway, but here she’s even hotter crawling around on all fours for a Playboy shoot, playing dress-up like a bunny. Moss isn’t the ingénue of the modeling world anymore, but somehow she has gotten more beautiful with age. Her skin is radiant, she has some curves, and she’s busting out of her bunny costume. Moss still has amazing cheekbones and an icy stare that makes us hot all over. If this is what acting childish looks like, then it’s no wonder men prefer younger women.
2. Katy Perry – Total Child Embodiment
Katy Perry looks like a little girl dancing, eating and playing dress up in this collage. She put on everything but the kitchen sink – just like how a child would style herself. She has lavender hair, chunky jewelry and a cartoonish dress that is decorated with candy. Perry literally looks to like a hot mess! We want to take a bite out of her hard rock candy necklace, take a taste of the melting ice cream cone on her bustier, and wash it all down with one of the peppermints along her waist. Sure, our hands would be sticky, we’d get a bellyache and suffer cavities, but it would be totally worth it. Perry brings out the child in all of us.
1. Kim Kardashian – Cry Baby
Kim Kardashian has two poses: the one where she sticks her butt out, and the one where she cries like a baby. But at least babies have good reasons to cry – they are hungry, they are cold, they are constipated. Kardashian cries over every day mishaps like a lost earring, a facial or a mean online posting. She’s either a major cry baby, or a better actress than Meryl Streep. This shot is particularly intriguing because she somehow manages to cry without ruining her makeup. It’s like a toddler that only cries when someone is watching. Of course, someone is always watching Kardashian. We’d say that maybe the stress finally got to her, but what stress? Her whole job is playing dress up.