Human beings have been shaving since long before they even invented razors, sometimes using sharp shells or stones to remove hair. Shells! Think about that for a minute next time you’re in the shower all up in your junk with that fancy trimmer. Cave paintings even show Neanderthals plucking out their hairs with sharpened flint, and those guys were hairy AF, so you know that wasn’t easy. Around 3000 BC, humans figured out how to make primitive copper razors and it’s been a part of our grooming habits ever since.
It’s the ancient Egyptians we have to thank for our modern-day association between hair (rather, lack of) and cleanliness. Those guys — and gals — were considered to be almost overly-focused on hygiene, which is saying a lot since the toilet wouldn’t be invented for thousands of years after their great civilization died off. Still, it’s not like they had shampoo back then, plus it was like 170 degrees in the shade down by the Nile so it makes sense they shaved their heads. Most of the plebs had to do their own shaving, but you were really ballin’ in ancient Egypt if you had your own barber at the house to do your shaving for you.
A man can spend 3000 hours shaving over the course of his entire lifetime. Sometimes ain’t nobody got time for that, as evidenced by the following stars who said “screw it, I’m letting it all hang out.”
17. Beyonce’s Busted Pits
Why is Beyonce even on this list. WHY.
At the premiere of Cadillac Records way back in 2008, Bey gave us the dreaded unshaven pit/deodorant ball combo on the red carpet. It is reported a frightened onlooker said “Beyonce always looks her best at these kind of events. She obviously either ran out of razors or just missed a bit in the bathroom.” Dear God, y’all act like she personally ran over a bucket of puppies, it’s only a little hair! OK, and some gross deodorant.
“I have been saying for a long time now that I wanted to do something dark. This was a scary and dark role. People are going to be very shocked. It is the complete opposite of me. It was emotionally draining,” she said about her role in the movie. Oh, you thought she said that about her shocking armpit hair? Yeah, nah.
16. Jemima Kirke Feels French
Like her little sister Lola, Jemima Kirke — best known for her work on HBO’s Girls — DGAF what you think about her hairy armpits. And why should she, she’s hot.
Still, the Internet went after her for letting her pit flag fly at the CFDA Fashion Awards in 2015. Because y’all have way too much time on your hands and need to worry about your own underarms. “It’s just my own personal preference. That being said please can we stop talking about pits?” she tweeted, attaching a photo of infamous hairy armpit fan Sophia Loren.
She told the NY Daily News that her lil sis Lola actually inspired her to grow out. “I only recently started doing it because my sister did it first and I was like, ‘That looks good! I want to do that.’ Now I’ve had it for a year or so and I love it … I feel very French.”
15. Sophia Loren, European Goddess
Sophia Loren is easily the best thing to come out of Italy since the guy who invented the ice cream cone (trivia factoid: Its inventor was Italo Marchiony, who emigrated to New York City in the late 1800s), and if you disagree then we probably can’t be friends. Come on, how many 72-year-old ladies do you know who can pose in their underwear and look sexy AF? That’s what I thought.
To be fair, she’s European, and the ladies aren’t as militant as American women about shaving those pits, at least they weren’t back in Ms. Loren’s heyday. Speaking of that heyday, she absolutely owned her hairy pits throughout her career.
14. Bella Thorne Claps Back On Hairy Legs
After she dared to appear in public without being as clean shaven as a freshly-sheared sheep in spring, Bella Thorne ticked off a single Twitter user who absolutely could not believe she could do such a disgusting, disgraceful thing. “@bellathorne is hot beautiful sexy perf but wtf SHAVE UR LEGS!!” he tweeted. Oh no you didn’t. This guy is acting like she’s wearing pants made out of Alec Baldwin’s chest or something, you can barely even see the hair!
“HAHAHHA NEVER,” she tweeted back, kicking off a chorus of clapbacks aimed at the guy who apparently has never seen another human being with hair on their legs.
It’s really sweet that so many people came to her defense but obviously she doesn’t need defending, she didn’t even need the whole 140 characters to slap that guy down. “She’s just perfect as is, hairy legs and all,” wrote one other guy on Twitter. Gee, thanks for your approval, random sir.
13. Lola Kirke’s Gerbil Farm
At the 74th Annual Golden Globes, Jemima’s little sister Lola Kirke set the Internet on fire with her big ol’ hairy pits. It runs in the family, her big sis took a cue from her and rocks the muppet pit herself.
Speaking about the “F*ck Paul Ryan” pin she wore on her dress that evening, she told Elle magazine “As a person with a platform, no matter what size it is, I think it’s important to share your views and maybe elevate people that might agree with you, that maybe won’t feel like they can have the same voice. My body my choice, your body your choice.”
Speaking of choices, Twitter absolutely roasted her over her choice to let her armpits grow wild like a Yorkie’s ungroomed buttcrack. A few unhinged maniacs even sent her death threats. Death threats! Over some hair. Get over yourself, Internet.
12. Cara Delevingne’s Third Eyebrow
Although she’s most known for the wild thicket she calls eyebrows, Cara Delevingne has so much more to offer the world: her future crazy cat lady moustache. I’m sure there are some 15-year-old boys out there really jealous she can even get that much to grow in, and all the way across her upper lip at that. Her enviable ‘stache made an appearance at the YSL Beauty: YSL Loves Your Lips launch in 2015, unfortunately it looks like she didn’t love her lips enough to wax that upper one.
When asked about what she does to bushwack her brows, she told Style magazine ‘They just grow. I’m lucky with the shape — I inherited it from my grandmother. I pluck a few, but I don’t shape them.”
11. Kourtney Kardashian Needs A Trim
When you think of the Kardashian sisters, the last thing that comes to mind is body hair. Kim, in fact, has historically said that as someone with Armenian ancestry (read: she’s hairy, you guys), she likes to maintain a level of hairlessness on par with that of a newborn baby corn snake.
But Khloe wants the world to know that her big sister Kourt is the total opposite. “I always think of [Kourtney] as large and in charge with a full ’70s-style bush — it just matches her personality,” Khloe wrote on her blog.
Kourtney’s baby daddy Scott Disick was also filmed giving her a trim on an episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, blurting out “her bush is hanging out like it’s the 80s and I’m not going to stand for that so if I have to get my hands dirty, I will.”
10. Drew Hairy-more
Drew Barrymore has always been a bit of a weirdo, so it’s actually a wonder that she doesn’t have straight up dreadlocks hanging down from her armpits. Not those nice twisty ones, the knotted up ones with shells and random litter in them that smell like wet dog.
Drew was hanging out at Studio 54 snorting coke at the age of 13, so in the grand scheme of things a little armpit hair is really not a big deal for her.
“I think happiness is a choice. If you feel yourself being happy and can settle in to the life choices you make, then it’s great. It’s really, really great. I swear to God, happiness is the best makeup,” she once said. In other words: she DGAF what you think about her armpit hair, she’s happy and therefore beautiful. Or something.
9. Jenny McCarthy Scares Even Experienced Bushmen
Jenny McCarthy is like the hotter yet slightly more gross female version of Howard Stern. She did an entire ad campaign on a toilet, FFS.
Speaking to Oprah, she recounted the story of her first ever nude photoshoot with Playboy when she was 21. It seems she just wandered into their offices and got a callback to do a bikini shoot an hour later. When she finally got down to getting down, she said she could practically hear the makeup artist gasp in horror. “All of a sudden I hear ‘WOAH, WOAH!’ And I said is there anything on it? What’s wrong?” she said to Oprah. “They said they never saw anyone as hairy as you in their entire life!”
Really? Really? Playboy existed in the 1970s, you can’t tell me these people were at all surprised by an early 90s bush. Still, she sticks by her story and says they ended up trying to tame it with a regular ol’ hairbrush. Mmkay, Jenny.
8. Britney Spears’ New Hit: Pit Me Baby One More Time
Before we roast Brit-Brit for these hairy, Teen Spirit-stained pits, let’s keep in mind that this is the same person who once got behind the wheel with her baby in her lap and tried to shove an umbrella up a paparazzi’s backside after shaving all her hair off. So, you know, Britney isn’t afraid of shaving. However, it was 2003 when she arrived to the 31st American Music Awards smuggling gerbils under her arms, back before we met her unpredictable but equally, if not more so entertaining, alter ego.
7. Lady Gaga Bares It All
Lady Gaga is well known for her unique taste in clothing. Literally taste in clothing, she once wore actual food as a dress. Believe it or not, her infamous meat dress from the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards has actually somehow been preserved over the years and here’s the craziest thing: it’s turned into a beef jerky skirt. I’m not kidding, go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and you’ll find it there, taxidermied for eternity in all its meaty glory.
In 2013, Gaga posed provocatively for the cover of self-billed “first transversal style magazine” Candy. Although her nude body was loosely covered by a fur coat and her exposed breast was decorated in a scorpion so as to preserve her delicate modesty, her bush was straight up screaming “look at me!”
6. Kelly Rowland’s Nat Geo Moment
Here we have another Destiny’s Child alum looking like Wooly Willy on the red carpet. You’d think they’d have people to say “Hey, Kelly, clean up that sod on the fairway, girlfriend” but apparently not. I’d say only Beyonce has people like that but even she’s been busted for being unshaven on the carpet. Maybe you only get those people if you’re Madonna level… wait, no, Madonna doesn’t shave either. I give up.
Everything about this outfit is absolutely on point: that stunning sequined gown, her perfectly-flipped raven hair, even those stylish but still doorknocker-esque earrings. So why didn’t she take two minutes to take care of those orphaned caterpillars under her arms? I feel like a National Geographic narrator is going to do a voiceover any minute now and talk about the natural habitat of the rarely-seen Kelly Rowland armpit badger.
5. Tyra Banks Would Like To ‘Stache You A Question
Remember when that picture of Tyra looking “fat” in an unflattering swimsuit was making the rounds? Allow me to refresh your memory: the tabloids called her everything from Thigh-ra Banks to Tyra Porkchops. Tyra Porkchops is stupid, that doesn’t even make sense as it doesn’t sound like Banks at all. Hello, Tyra Steaks. Tyra addressed the haters on her talk show, admitted to weighing a quite reasonable 161lbs, and proceeded to tell them to kiss her fat ass.
Alright, so we got over that. But this? This might just be unforgivable. Armpit hair on women is finally gaining acceptance in society generations after Sophia Loren made everyone else look like warmed up dog poop compared to her rocking hairy pits in a modest bikini, but upper lip hair? Much like fetch, it’s not gonna happen.
4. Juliette Lewis’ Natural Born Pits
Although she played an absolute maniac in Natural Born Killers, Juliette Lewis has always been absolutely stinking adorable. Stinking isn’t meant to be a pun here just because armpits are involved. Grow up, you guys.
Hairy pits are nothing new to her. “I don’t want to blow my own horn, but I am the queen of defiance—stupid, silly shit like having hairy armpits at the age of 16, or rocking cornrows at the Oscars. These things weren’t done out of anger. It was more about, this is me; I’m going to own me and be me,” she said in a 2009 interview.
Let’s be real: not shaving your armpits isn’t really that defiant. It’s only sort of mildly rebellious, along the lines of going through the express lane at the grocery store with 16 items rather than 15 or less.
3. Rihanna’s Otherworldly Leg Hair
Rihanna looks like the kind of person who could wake up literally in the gutter after two straight days of partying in the middle of a tornado and still look flawlessly gorgeous. I’m sure it will surprise you as much as it did me to learn that she isn’t some advanced Barbadian android but in fact human just like the rest of us.
At the Zac Posen show at New York Fashion Week in 2015, RiRi showed off more than just her bangin’ body. The way the light reflected off her legs, it appeared as though she hadn’t shaved. GASP.
Cosmopolitan wistfully spoke of it thusly: “As we looked closer, light glinted off what appeared to be some hair on her bare shins. Of course when Rihanna misses a spot, it just looks like body glitter or some gentle leg bling or like her follicles grow tinsel instead of hair.”
2. Conchita Wurst As The Bearded Lady
Hahahahahahahaha, hang on. *breathes* OK, so it isn’t really fair to say that Conchita Wurst forgot to shave as this is obviously just part of the character, but let’s run with this anyway. If you don’t know who she is, Wurst is the creation of Thomas Neuwirth, a singer from Austria who won the Eurovision Song Contest in 2014. Eurovision is basically like American Idol, but not American and really not an idol search either so really, it’s not like American Idol at all. But it involves music and contestants singing their little butts off.
After Wurst won, Thomas returned home to Austria where he was greeted by thousands of fans, many of whom were wearing fake beards. He has stated that he believes Conchita Wurst to be his alter ego in the same way Beyonce has Sasha Fierce. Really, he’s like the less plastic fourth Kardashian sister. You know, with a beard.
1. Honorable Mention: MoNique
This list is supposed to be about hot stars who forget to shave, but we’d be remiss not to include MoNique on the list. One: big girls can be hot. Two: funny girls are always hot.
Of everyone on this list, no one rocks hairy legs like she does. She makes Sophia Loren’s luxurious armpit hair look like a freshly-powdered baby butt. “I tried shaving one time, and it was so uncomfortable and painful. I said never again would I do that to myself,” she once told Barbara Walters in an interview. Plus, she said, her husband is into them. He loves the hairy legs,” she said, “and if Sid likes the hairy legs, there you go.
Sure enough, it was her husband that got her to start shaving in 2015. “What happened was, as I got older, the hair began to fall out in different places,” she told Wendy Williams. “So one night, Sid and I were in the closet, and he said ‘Mama, you’re starting to have spots on your legs. It look like you got the mang-y. So you got to do something about that. So I shaved them that night and been shaving them ever since. If I still had it I would still wear it well.”
Yup, mange. That’s true love right there.