Everybody remembers their first crush. That experience of looking up and seeing somebody who makes you feel something that nobody else has made you feel before. It certainly isn’t love, but when you’re a child you’re too young to realize that. In your little seven-year-old mind, you believe you are 100% ready to go and marry this person and buy a house and have babies and all of that stuff that mommies and daddies do together.
For the majority of us, our first crush came in the form of somebody from a television show; or at least it better had, because most of the people you encounter when you’re a child are either off TV or a member of your family.
My first childhood crush, for those who are wondering, was Michelle Pfeiffer in the movie Batman Returns. There was something about the sight of her in that Catwoman costume that I found both confusing and alluring in equal measure. Today, Pfeiffer looks as good as, if not better than, she did in that movie. The same cannot be said of many other childhood crushes, however. Sure, I backed a winner, but there is a good chance your childhood crush is today showing the effects of alcoholism, divorces, drug addiction, or just a bad batch of DNA.
Here are 16 hot childhood crushes who are ugly AF right now.
16. Kirstie Alley
Kirstie Alley’s greatest fame came when she was cast as Rebecca Howe in the beloved sitcom Cheers, which, much like 3rd Rock from the Sun, served to introduce teenagers to the world of grown-up television. Alley was at her professional and physical best during the series and hormonal teenage boys wasted no time falling in love with her.
As Cheers came to a close, Alley entered into early menopause, which led to a drastic change in her body. By the first half of the 00s, her face had become wrinkled and blotchy, and she had ballooned in size, rendering her practically unrecognizable. Since then, Alley has been somewhat habitually losing and gaining weight, which has taken a serious toll on her body.
Alley, a noted Scientologist, served to make herself only more unappealing in 2013, when she publicly mocked her former best friend, Leah Remini, calling both the King of Queens star and her decision to leave the Church of Scientology “repulsive”.
15. Kelly LeBrock
Although the 1985 teen science fiction movie Weird Science received only lukewarm reviews upon its release three decades ago, today it enjoys a status as a cult classic owing to its hundreds of thousands of loyal followers throughout the world. It’s hard to say exactly what a lot of these Weird Science devotees see in this admittedly mediocre film, but I would wager a large portion of it has to do with Kelly LeBrock, who appeared in the film as Lisa, a witty, apparently supernatural woman who also happens to be drop dead gorgeous.
However, the Kelly LeBrock of today is virtually unrecognizable when compared to the Kelly LeBrock who captivated viewers of Weird Science back in 1985. Today the former supermodel is showing the effects of years of plastic surgery procedures, many of which did not have the desired outcome. She almost always looks bloated and sweaty, with her surgically enhanced lips appearing as though they have been stung by a particularly large bee.
14. Andrea Barber
Back in 1987, when Andrea Barber first began appearing as Kimmy Gibbler in the beloved ABC series Full House, she was intended to be little more than a bit player; a recurring character brought in from time to time whenever the plot called for it. However, her natural good looks and remarkable acting acumen resulted in her becoming extremely popular with young viewers, and so she was made a series mainstay shortly after her first few appearances.
Following the end of Full House, Barber retired from acting and dropped out of the spotlight completely, much to the dismay of the Full House fans who had fallen in love with her during her time on their screens. In 2014, she reprised her role as Kimmy on the Netflix Full House revival Fuller House, although those who had been so obsessed with her two decades prior found themselves wishing she had stayed retired. Barber is today tall and almost worryingly slender, with her thin hair a far cry to the full head she sported during her initial run as Kimmy Gibbler.
If you were a wrestling fan in the 1990s, there is no doubt you remember Tammy Sytch, who performed in the then World Wrestling Federation under the name “Sunny”’. As Sunny, Sytch became the first crush of literally millions of little boys around the world. Sunny was as popular with her colleagues as she was with prepubescent boys and is rumored to have slept with wrestling legends such as Bret “The Hitman” Hart and “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels, despite being in a relationship with wrestler Chris Candido for her entire time with the WWF.
During the height of her fame Sytch, like so many professional wrestlers before her, developed an addiction to drugs and alcohol, which she is still battling today. Multiple stints in both rehab and jail have left Sunny looking less like the girl next door and more like the crazy lady at the end of the block whose house you run past.
12. Amanda Bynes
The Amanda Show was unique in its time in that it was one of the few children’s shows that was watched by both boys and girls. Granted, the boys may have been given extra motivation to watch by the fact that Amanda Bynes, the star of the show, was drop dead gorgeous.
In 2012, Bynes announced her retirement from acting after a series of underwhelming movie roles and television appearances failed to recreate the success of her eponymous sketch show. That same year, the former actress encountered a slew of legal troubles which would send her into meltdown. These days, Bynes rarely makes official appearances. However, she is sometimes snapped going about her daily life, attempting to disguise herself with sunglasses and poorly fitted wigs, though it’s not like she runs any risk of being recognized by those who watched her back in 2002.
11. Macaulay Culkin
No transition from a childhood crush to scary homeless-looking adult has been better documented than that of Macaulay Culkin. Culkin is best known for playing the role of Kevin McCallister in the 90s holiday favorite Home Alone and its subsequent sequel. His baby face and natural confidence earned him the attention of millions of young girls both at home and abroad (and the attention of a certain king of pop, but we won’t dwell on that).
In the early 00s, Culkin, having pretty much retired from acting, was arrested for the possession of marijuana and two controlled substances, which led to rumors the former child star was battling drug addiction; rumors which persist to this day. Despite Culkin’s frequent assertions that he has overcome any demons that he may have had in the past, his modern day perpetually disheveled appearance and gaunt face suggest otherwise.
10. Mary-Kate Olsen
Mary-Kate Olsen was just nine months old when she was cast as Michelle Tanner in the hit 1980s sitcom Full House. The role, which she shared with her twin sister Ashley, proved to be the first of many for the actress and for the next two decades, the public watched her grow up. As Mary-Kate grew, so did her following and workload. She turned from toddler to child star to teen idol, capturing more and more hearts as she went on. By the time Olsen retired from acting in 2012, she was the obsession of generations of former children.
Unfortunately for Olsen, the years which have passed since she retired from the acting world have not been particularly kind to her. Multiple personal struggles and an inability to adapt to a life away from the spotlight have left her looking worryingly gaunt and perpetually disheveled.
9. Kristen Johnston
For a lot of us who grew up in the 1990s, 3rd Rock from the Sun was the show through which we transitioned from kid’s shows to more adult-oriented programming. It wasn’t an R-rated series by any means, but the humor was a little bit dirtier than we were used to at ten years old and the kissing scenes were quite a bit more intense.
Many of us were drawn to 3rd from the Sun as kids because it felt like a show we weren’t supposed to be watching. Of course, young male viewers had another reason to watch: Kristen Johnston. Johnston, who played Sally on the show, was tall and blonde, which most of us had been led to believe was synonymous with “hot”.
Today, however, we can see that we were pretty sorely mistaken. Johnston, having been unable to recreate her success in 3rd Rock from the Sun, appears occasionally at red carpet events looking bloated and sweaty, the effects of years of alcohol abuse.
8. Ashley Olsen
Considering the fact we just looked at Mary-Kate Olsen and her fall from hot to not-so-hot, you probably could have guessed that her twin sister Ashley Olsen has suffered a similar fate. That guess is correct, but just how did Ashley get to where she is (but probably wishes she wasn’t) today?
Olsen’s career post the Mary-Kate and Ashley franchise was not as extensive as that of her sister, as she developed a love of working behind the scenes as the years progressed. During her time behind the camera, Olsen was rumored to have developed a drug problem. She, of course, denied this, as she continues to do to this day. We’re not able to make any definite comment one way or the other, but it is interesting to note that the former popular childhood crush has lost so much weight in recent years that she seems to be fading away.
Although she appeared on The Cosby Show, Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper, and a couple of movies throughout the 1990s, most people remember Raven-Symoné for her starring role in the Disney Channel classic That’s So Raven. While the show was mainly marketed towards young girls, boys were coaxed into watching it by Raven Baxter’s wit and sassy attitude, as well as her glamorous clothes and makeup, which set her aside from most other teen stars of the time. Raven-Symoné was so perfect in the role that the character of Raven Baxter even became the first “girl crush” of many female viewers.
A decade on from the final season of That’s So Raven, Raven-Symoné has changed quite a bit, owing, in no small part, to her role on The View. After becoming the show’s resident gay girl, Symoné, either by her own initiative or at the urging of producers, began dressing and styling her hair in the manner of a stereotypical lesbian. While she isn’t exactly unattractive, it’s hard to feel passionate about the actress when she’s wearing an ill-fitted suit or forgettable flannel shirt.
6. Dustin Diamond
Playing the role of Samuel “Screech” Powers in the early 90s teenage sitcom Saved by the Bell, Dustin Diamond captured the heart of many an insecure high-school girl. Sure, he didn’t have the knee-buckling good looks of Mark-Paul Gosselaar or the bad boy charm of Mario Lopez, but he had a sort of goofy innocence that made him irresistible. He was approachable; the kind of guy awkward girls could imagine bringing home to meet their parents.
Today, however, Dustin Diamond is a far cry from the affable teenage nerd he rose to fame portraying. Beer-bellied and bearded, Diamond has appeared on various reality television shows in an attempt to keep himself in the spotlight. He even released and starred in his own adult film, though his foray into adult entertainment proved unsuccessful because, you know, nobody wants to see an out of shape, sweaty former celebrity grunt and groan his way through several minutes of uninspired love making.
5. MC Hammer
Even at the height of his fame, MC Hammer wasn’t the most attractive man in the world. However, he was able to mask that with flashy dance moves, over the top jewelry, and, of course, his trademark Hammer Pants. With his biggest – and possibly only – hit “U Can’t Touch This”, Hammer stole the hearts of millions of teenage girls. They bought his albums, videotaped his television appearances, and hung his picture on their walls. By the end of the 1990s, however, the Hammer craze had passed and his allure had well and truly dried up.
Today, MC Hammer continues to enjoy what little fame he can still squeeze from that one beloved song he released almost 30 years ago. He is regularly seen at Z-list Hollywood events, virtually unrecognizable without his Hammer Pants, gold chains, and hair. His sunglasses, a holdover from his more successful years, are now utilized to hide his withered face.
4. Vanilla Ice
Speaking of one hit wonders, let’s take a minute to talk about Vanilla Ice. Ice achieved his greatest fame with the song Ice, Ice, Baby, which rocketed him into superstardom overnight. From there, he enjoyed his own movie, millions of dollars, and screaming female fans (although they tended to be under the age of 18).
Those who remember being obsessed with Vanilla Ice back in the first half of the 1990s will also likely be able to recall the very moment they stopped finding him attractive. For some, it happened the moment Ice, Ice, Baby dropped off the charts. For others, it came when he failed to produce an acceptable follow-up. Regardless of when they fell out of love with Vanilla Ice, all of his former devotees are today in agreement that the wrinkled, black-haired, 50-year-old who has been showing up at state fairs across the United States is a far cry from the hunk they were going nuts for back in 1990.
3. Benji Madden
A founding member of the kind-of-punk-but-not-really band Good Charlotte, Benji Madden spoke to a generation of angsty prepubescents and wannabe rockers. In many ways, he was the anti-heartthrob, the celebrity outcast girls drifted towards while their more popular counterparts were swooning over the likes of Justin Timberlake and Zac Efron.
More than a decade on from Good Charlotte’s greatest success, Benji Madden is almost unrecognizable. No longer the fresh-faced young man who sang about the blasted rich and famous, Madden looks more like a trucker who has perpetually just finished a cross-country delivery. With his star faded in the United States, his sagging face can be seen almost exclusively on The Voice Australia. Despite his questionable looks, Madden has been married to actress and model Cameron Diaz since 2015. Good for him!
2. Ron Howard
Ron Howard is the rarest of beasts: a child actor who grew up to have a successful career in show business without any problems with drugs or alcohol. In the early 1960s, Howard began appearing as Opie Taylor on The Andy Griffith Show and quickly stole the hearts of all the little girls around the world (your mother included). In 1974, he landed the role of Richie Cunningham on the iconic sitcom Happy Days, leading to those little girls, now grown up, falling in love with him all over again.
Today, Howard has pretty much abandoned his acting career in favor of directing. Of course, when you see how he has changed over the years, it may not be all that surprising that he prefers to remain behind the camera. After years of losing his hair, Howard is now entirely bald on top, with only his temples bearing his trademark red hair. He has always been on the thin side, both these days the actor-turned-director looks downright frail, even for a sexagenarian.
1. Mark Hamill
Mark Hamill is unique. Unlike a lot of entries on this list, Hamill was an object of obsession for both older and younger viewers at the height of his fame, which came when he was cast as Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars movie. Hamill’s piercing blue eyes and long brown hair turned him into one of the most sought-after men in the world, and his Star Wars millions only added fuel to the sexual fire.
Mark Hamill has been infamously unable to recreate the success he experienced with Star Wars. In the many decades which have passed since the release of the movie, the former Jedi’s hair has thinned out and his face has wrinkled, which he has attempted to hide with a gray beard. His body, which was at one time the envy of all men, is sagging and certainly not the kind of physique one would need to defeat Darth Vader and his gaggle of stormtroopers.