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15 Times Marvel Movies Screwed Up (But Nobody Noticed)

Entertainment
15 Times Marvel Movies Screwed Up (But Nobody Noticed)

Whether you’re a comic book fan or not and whether you profess to be more a fan of Marvel or DC, you’ve probably seen a lot of Marvel movies. They’re pretty hard to miss these days! Marvel’s heroes and stories are incredibly far-reaching. Sure, you’ve got the main storyline of The Avengers that includes all the off-shooting superhero movies of Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, and The Hulk; but then you’ve also got the heroes taking over network television in Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.; furthermore, you’ve got all of the other heroes conquering Netflix with some of the highest-rated shows in Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, Daredevil, and, of course, the greatly anticipated The Punisher series; plus, there are the Guardians of the Galaxy that everyone knows will someday unite with the Avengers, though under mysterious and unnamed circumstances; and, of course, you have all of the non-Marvel-Marvel movies that are produced by outside entities, like all of the X-Men, Spiderman, and Fantastic Four movies. There are billions upon billions of dollars invested in all of these franchises, and all of them make way more profit than producers pour into production. Marvel is pretty unarguably the bomb.

However, that, by no means, is a statement that the Marvel Universe is flawless. While we may find it a bit easier to point out the many flaws in the DC Universe (like why Batman and Superman bonded over the name Martha, and what in the world Wonder Woman has been doing this last, oh, century or so), there are oodles of flaws that we can and will point out in the Marvel Comic Universe. So hold your tongue, and don’t get defensive as we poke holes in some of your favorite movies. Here are fifteen times the Marvel Universe made no sense — but nobody noticed! (Beware, lots of spoilers ahead.)

15. Thor’s Return to Earth in The Avengers

So in Thor, the titular character squares off with Loki — first on Earth (kind of indirectly, but still), and then back home in Asgard. Before leaving Earth, he promises Jane that he’ll return. Well, of course, things go wrong, and Thor has to destroy the Bifrost bridge in order to keep Loki from creating war with multiple words. As he destroys the bridge, he inwardly apologizes to Jane because he knows (and has communicated with the audience) that this bridge is the only way back to Earth, so we guess he can’t come back for a while. EXCEPT HE NEARLY IMMEDIATELY DOES. His next appearance is in The Avengers, and he very off-handedly mentions to Loki how much of Odin’s magic it took to get him there. So… this Bifrost bridge wasn’t as important as you thought it was? Or you lied? Or it was simply convenient because Thor had to be in The Avengers but his relationship with Jane had to remain strained?

14. Why Can’t Deadpool’s Face Heal?

Wade Wilson has to be one of the most despicable but also most loved characters in the Marvel Universe. His powers and abilities came at a great cost — not only his limited but beloved personal life but also his good looks. His antagonist placed him under strenuous conditions that made his powers stronger than he ever could have anticipated, but he only survived at the cost of his physical appearance. But here’s the thing… Deadpool genetically mutated to be able to heal any part of his body due to that experiment. He can regrow hands, but he can’t regrow the skin on his face to not look like a shriveled avocado? Even still, in the age of plastic surgery that we live in, can Wade seriously not do anything to fix his face that looks like a 3D map of the American West? Whatever… it’s not only a major plot hole in the movie but in the comics, one that may not be reconcilable without just changing the characteristics of the protagonist.

13. Yondu Died in Space Doing What Peter Did in the Last Movie

MAJOR SPOILER ALERT! We know that Guardians of the Galaxy 2 just came out and a lot of you may not have seen it yet. One, you totally need to go see it because it’s great. Two, there’s a major problem with it that half of us walked out of the theater asking aloud.

Rewind: so in the first Guardians movie, Peter essentially sacrifices himself to save Gamora. Gamora floats in space a couple of minutes before Star Lord enters space and puts his respirator on her, leaving his face exposed to the freezer of space and without oxygen. Yondu shows up a hot second later and everything’s cool, though… even though that’s not how science works and Peter should have died. HOWEVER, in the sequel, Yondu does almost exactly the same thing (giving the last life support to Peter so he can live) and dies almost immediately. You can explain it away, saying Peter has some divinity bullcrap in him or that Yondu’s species isn’t suited to space, but that’s crap. It’s a major plot hole that makes no sense.

12. Peter Quill’s Remarkably Sturdy 80s Tech

Some of you reading this article were likely born in the 80s, though plenty of you likely were not. Regardless, you might have had a Walkman or dinky headphones or tapes that were hand-me-downs from your parents that you played with when you were young (before portable CD players were a thing or before the days of the iPod). Anyone that had a Walkman can tell you one thing for certain about them: they. were. crap. Walkmans were so low in quality, they really just got the job done — that’s why everyone was so eager to switch to the new format of CDs when they came out! So how is it that Peter Quill of Guardians of the Galaxy has had his Walkman since he was a boy and it still works? Where did he get replacement AA batteries? What about the tape deck he’s installed in his ship? Where did he get that from? He says he’s never returned to Earth, so how is this stuff still working?! (Bonus: he gets a Zune at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy 2. Anyone that tried to own a Zune in the 2000s knew how much of a piece of crap that was, and we’ll be shocked if it survives a whole month in Peter’s care.)

11. Tony Stark Builds a Million Suits, Explodes Them, Then Rebuilds Them

Let’s be upfront: when the Marvel production team was filming Iron Man 3, Robert Downey Jr. was being fickle about his contract. Already one of the highest-paid actors in Hollywood, this celeb’s contract was expiring, and he was trying to renegotiate his role for boatloads of more money. Marvel didn’t know if they could or even wanted to try to afford him, and Robert was willing to walk with his millions already in place. So they prepared for the worst and left Iron Man 3 with the potential that Tony was leaving the group. Perhaps, that explains why he spends the whole movie using his resources to make hundreds of suits — only to turn them into fireworks at the end of the movie. But here’s the thing: in Avengers 2, he’s created even more of these suits AGAIN and uses them as drones to protect civilians and keep the peace! Tony Stark is the most wasteful man in the world!

10. Why Does Tony Have No Relationship with Peggy Carter?

Peggy Carter is Steve Rogers’ love interest in the first Captain America movie. The two are a cute little pair — until Steve is unable to reunite with her because he has to crash a ship into the Arctic caps to avoid HYDRA killing ‘Merica (which is a plot hole in and off itself: he could have just jammed the wheel and gotten off that airship). He’s thawed out when Peggy is an old lady, basically on her deathbed, but he still visits her regularly when it seems everyone else she cared about is long dead or has forgotten her. But… why didn’t Tony care about her? Peggy loved Steve for a couple months, tops — she worked alongside Howard Stark for most of their careers, until Howard was killed. Why did Tony never seek her out, especially in the days of Iron Man 2 when his father’s work was so pivotal? (Answer: because Tony is either a self-centered ass or because writers never considered using auxiliary characters in other movies to the advantages of Avenger characters.)

9. Tony’s Heart Surgery in Iron Man 3

Let’s think about the entire story arc of the Iron Man movies, okay? So Tony is kidnapped after an explosion, and a great scientist keeps him alive by installing this arc reactor around his heart to prevent from shrapnel killing him. He gets back to the states after creating his first janky Iron Man suit and is told by the country’s top docs that no one can fix him and no surgeon will touch him. Great… so we spend all of Iron Man 2 trying to figure out how to sustain this arc reactor heart without killing Tony. But then, in Iron Man 3 after The Mandarin is defeated, he just willy-nilly visits a hospital and VOILA! They fix it and he’s normal again and everything is fine and dandy in the world. Um… excuse us, but what happened to change the medical community’s position? Did Tony’s insurance suddenly cover superhuman recovery operations?

8. Why Was Captain America Ever Put On a USO Tour?

In the first Captain America movie, Steve is desperate to prove himself a good soldier. He’s the wimpy little kid from Brooklyn that nobody believes in, and he’s selected due to his perseverance, creative thinking, and can-do attitude to be selected as a test subject to be the world’s first super soldier by Stanley Tucci (er, we mean Dr. Erskine). The experiment succeeds, and Steve comes out of the oven hot and ready for battle. Senators and generals and officials of all kinds witness the results of this experiment and even witness Dr. Erskine’s demise, realizing that the creation of another super soldier may be impossible. So what do they choose to do with the one super soldier the world has ever created? Put him on tour to sell war bonds?? WHO IN THE ACTUAL HELL THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! The United States has a propensity for squandering resources, but come on! This is absolutely ridiculous!

7. Howard Stark’s Oddly Clairvoyant Video

Iron Man 2 served a lot of purposes. It introduced Black Widow to the franchise, which was cool. It also served to be a straightforward introduction to The Avengers, as Tony was essentially being assessed for his team-working abilities (and was, if you remember, rejected membership). But it also talked a lot about the strained dynamics between Tony and his father Howard. While Tony is trying to find a way to cure his blood poisoning, Director Fury insists he watch all his dad’s old movies. Tony stumbles upon a video where his dad not only sends him a sweet, fatherly message but essentially gives him everything he needs to fix himself and move forward with his inventions. Good timing, Howard. We’re amazed you were able to predict exactly what element Tony would need to invent to fix his futuristic heart in a scientific climate you were forty years behind.

6. Why Are There Security Cameras…

Speaking of Howard Stark, we’ve got a bone to pick with Captain America: Civil War. In the movie, at the very end, Tony is shown a video that Steve and Bucky really don’t want him to see. It seems to be security camera footage of a dark country road in the middle of the night, when Howard and Marie Stark were driving until they were forced into an accident. There, a brainwashed Bucky killed them both. While we were all so surprised and excited by this new development, we forgot to ask a very important question: why the hell were there security cameras on this road? Sure, Big Brother is watching and all that, but not everywhere! And others argue that Hydra must have placed the cameras there… but then, why would Bucky destroy one? He would have been in on it! (Answer: the cameras were there for convenient storytelling purposes, and that’s all.)

5. Why Use Spiderman, of All Potential Heroes?

Yeah, we’re going to keep ripping on Iron Man for a second. So in Captain America: Civil War, Tony is trying to get a new sort of Avengers team together to take down Bucky Barnes and back down Captain America. He’s got Vision on his side, and Black Widow and the newly introduced Black Panther (plus his lifetime bestie, War Machine aka Rhodie). But Cap’s got a strong team, too (Ant-Man, Falcon, Scarlet Witch, The Winter Soldier). So he wants to recruit one more force to be reckoned with and he chooses… SPIDERMAN? A teenager from New York who has no gadgets, no training, and no clue? Why not recruit Jessica Jones? Or Luke Cage, or Daredevil? Even The Punisher, for that matter, or Elektra — HELL, RECRUIT KINGPIN! WHY WOULD YOU PICK SPIDERMAN?! He turned out to be a bit of an asset, we suppose, but only because he was able to take down Ant-Man (by tripping him up Star Wars style).

4. What Is Zemo’s Plan?

Speaking of Civil War, we’re really wondering what the villain in this movie was really up to. When we look back at the movie, we sometimes forget that there even was a villain. All we remember is that Bucky was in trouble and Captain America sided with him while Iron Man took a side against him, and everyone else took a side accordingly. But remember what started the controversy: Zemo disguised himself as Bucky Barnes and committed an egregious act, making everyone think it was Bucky. He did so intentionally, in order to divide the Avenger group — but how would he know that Iron Man would side with the government (it’s not exactly like Tony to side with Capitol Hill, as is evident from his horrible relationship with many officials)? Then later, after he brainwashed Bucky again, he lured Tony, Steve, and Bucky to his place — somehow knowing that only those three would come and no one else would follow — and showed Tony the video of his parents being killed. But to what end? He divided the Avengers in order to tear them apart, but… okay. So what? Even the Avenger teams that are left can kick anyone’s butt in a heartbeat.

3. Why Did The Mandarin Even Need an Army?

BACK TO IRON MAN AND HIS NONSENSICAL PLOT LINES! In Iron Man 3, the villain is The Mandarin, one of the greatest terrorists that The United States could face that affronts Tony Stark personally by nearly killing his friend Happy and trying to blow him and Pepper Potts up. So he seeks The Mandarin out and discovers the man presenting himself as The Mandarin is simply an actor — the REAL Mandarin created the Extremis condition that allows him to breathe fire and heal instantly (and we’re talking really heal, like re-grow limbs). If he’s got all these powers… why does he need an army? He’s super strong, super fast, a superhuman in every way, one that nearly single-handedly defeated Iron Man in a quick bout. Really, if he’d just planned things a little bit better, he would have been able to carry out his plan with ease and with very few speed bumps.

2. Why Ever Leave Loki’s Staff on Earth?

The first Avengers movie is all about the Tesseract and Loki’s powerful staff. The whole movie is spent in efforts just to retrieve the Tesseract, which Loki says he refuses to leave Earth without. However, Loki’s powerful staff was really just as important (if not more important, due to the infinity stone that it holds) as the Tesseract, and it was clearly paid no attention to after the Battle for New York. As soon as Loki and the Tesseract were in hand, Thor peaced out… but why would he not also get the staff before leaving Earth? He had to know he’d have to return for it before long anyways. And again, he should have remembered to retrieve it in Thor: The Dark World when he returned to Earth anyways — but again, he forgot and had to come back yet again for it in Avengers 2: Age of Ultron — but not before Tony could abuse it and create a mega villain.

1. How Does No One Know Coulson is Alive…

And we get to the biggest conundrum of them all. In The Avengers, the recently assembled group is pretty torn, divided, and grumpy. No one wants to fight someone else’s battle and everyone would rather point the finger at someone else. That is, until Loki straight up slashes Agent Coulson, the nerdy but sweet S.H.I.E.L.D. agent that was a driving force in uniting them in the first place. The group rallies and saves the world in his name. But then the show Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. started up, in which Coulson is the lead after being resurrected. Okay… makes no sense, but we’re going to roll with it… but how do none of the Avengers later realize he’s alive? Tony has the tech capabilities to find anyone anywhere in the world; Thor knows people with “all seeing eyes” and knows Sif, who spent an entire episode with Coulson; Black Widow is as much of an insider as one can be with S.H.I.E.L.D. and what becomes of the group after Captain America: Winter Soldier; but none of these people have figured out that he’s still alive??

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