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15 Times Jessica Simpson Was A Hot Mess

Entertainment
15 Times Jessica Simpson Was A Hot Mess

Oh, Jessica Simpson. To know her is to love her. And thanks to moments like the one she had on Ellen this week, we know her pretty well. The star made headlines after she left the daytime talk show host, and millions of viewers, completely flustered during their time together. But the hilarious part is that we all know this was typical Simpson. Yes, she’s been described as someone who is a few fries short of a value meal, but how can you not love her? It’s not like she’s mean or bratty or even a super diva about it. She’s just…Jessica Simpson.

So her moment with Ellen simply reminded us of other times she made us go, “Wait… what?!” There are plenty of them out there that date all the way back to 2003 when she and her ex-husband, Nick Lachey, had their own show together on MTV. I mean, that really opened a can of worms for us to see how interesting Simpson is. For some reason though, it’s not annoying. Instead, it’s the complete opposite because people can’t seem to get enough. She might have a multi-billion dollar company (hey, at least she can laugh all the way to the bank thanks to her successful clothing line) but according to reports, something with baby girl just isn’t right. Still, we can’t help but to love Jessica Simpson. So reminisce with us as we take a moment to look at the times when Jessica Simpson was simply a hot mess.

15. “Nothing’s Gonna Get In That Uterus”

Of course we have to start with her most recent moment, on Ellen. The star had so many “blonde moments” that it’s difficult to count. But some of her standout quotes from the interview include when she said, “Nothing’s gonna get in that uterus,” as she explained that she got an IUD. She added she didn’t know how long she and her husband have actually been together so she went with seven years. She added, “That’s a long time. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a seven-year relationship, other than with a woman.” Can you say awkward? As far as how she and Eric Johnson bond, Simpson said, “He golfs. I don’t. Um… we love our kids. And we really like to… I like to get a back massage.” It’s safe to say that while Ms. Ellen DeGeneres has seen lots of different things in her day, she wasn’t ready for what Jessica Simpson had to offer. There’s even a question of whether she was intoxicated during the interview.

14. “Is This Chicken Or Fish?”

This list certainly wouldn’t be complete without Jessica Simpson’s now infamous “Chicken of The Sea” quote. Fans might remember it happened when she and her now ex-husband Nick Lachey starred in MTV’s Newlyweds. In fact, that show is responsible for really letting us know just how… unique Simpson really is. One of the scenes that’s still being talked about today is when she had no problem letting Lachey know she didn’t understand what Chicken of the Sea really was. “Is this chicken or fish?” she asked in the show’s first episode that dates back to 2003. Lachey’s face of disbelief couldn’t help Simpson in her new quest. “I know it’s tuna, but it says chicken by the sea. Is that stupid? What is it called — chicken by the sea or in the sea?” Lachey actually took time to break it down to Simpson and said, “Chicken of the Sea is the brand. You know, ’cause a lot of people eat tuna, just like a lot of people eat chicken. Chicken of the Sea.” The brand released a statement back then and said their sales spiked 10 percent after Simpson’s moment aired. Ha!

13. “Why Do They Call It Buffalo Wings?

So Jessica, just because you don’t eat buffalo doesn’t mean you don’t like Buffalo wings. This was another lesson she learned in front of millions on her and Lachey’s reality show. It started when they were on vacation with Lachey’s younger brother, Drew Lachey, and his wife, Lea, who asked Simpson if she wanted to try Buffalo wings. Jessica’s response? “I don’t eat buffalo.” Lea echoed what probably all of America was thinking and said, “It’s not buffalo, you idiot!” But the hilarious thing is Simpson was still confused. Lea had to tell her that it was actually chicken. Apparently that didn’t answer her question enough so Jessica asked, “Why do they call it buffalo wings?” That’s when her then brother-in-law Drew schooled her and said because barbecue wings started in Buffalo before pointing out that buffalos don’t actually have wings. Simpson responded with, “Never thought about it.” That among other things.

12. Who Needs To Brush Their Teeth Everyday?

So Ellen is probably used to Simpson’s antics because she had a similar moment in 2010 on the daytime talk show. It’s clear that Simpson has a million dollar smile but don’t tell children that she doesn’t brush her teeth every day. She revealed this shocking news on Ellen when she said she actually only brushes “maybe three times a week.” Her reasoning? Glad you asked. “Because my teeth are so white and I don’t like them to feel too slippery but I do use Listerine and I do floss every day. But I don’t brush them every day. My lips just slide all over the place…I can’t catch up with my mouth… I need a little coating…” But wait, there’s more! She said she often uses a shirt “or something” to wipe off her teeth before she revealed she’s fully aware of how disgusting that sounds. “It’s really weird but I have great breath.” Thankfully.

11. That Time She Was Extra, Extra And We Read All About It

Of course an appearance on Ellen isn’t the only interview that has gotten Simpson tons of attention within the last couple of years. Who remembers her interview with Extra TV in 2015? Let’s just say there was some speculation that she was under the influence during that moment too. For those who might not remember or just want to relive it again, what made the interview so famous is the awkward faces Simpson made the entire time. It was almost like she was really putting on a valley girl act… but with Simpson it’s safe to say this was no act. She made the strangest faces as she dished on her family and of course her successful clothing line along with whatever else she had going on at the moment. Simpson completed her interview with hand movements and a big gasp moment at the end. Either she was out of it, or just being the Simpson we all know and love.

10. “I Just Say Lots Of Ditzy Things”

The idea that Simpson is completely okay with her hot mess moments might be an indication that they aren’t going away anytime soon. But do we want them to? I know I don’t. They provide good entertainment and really it’s all in good fun for the singer. If her voice doesn’t set her apart her personality absolutely does. And it might be safe to say she’s fully aware of that. She recently said in an interview that she doesn’t even mind being the butt of many jokes when it comes to her ditzy moments. “I’m smart,” she insisted. “I just say lots of ditzy things.” As for what’s going on in her head during those now infamous seconds or even minutes, we really don’t have to wonder because she says it all out loud. “Everyone has their moments when they stick their foot in their mouth. I just say things right as they come to my head. I don’t stop myself and think, ‘Should I say this?'” Well that explains everything.

9. Not Really Working 9 To 5

Jessica Simpson might be able to belt out songs like no other, but that didn’t necessarily hold true for a tribute performance to honor the iconic Dolly Parton. She flubbed on the words of Parton’s hit song “9 to 5.” It happened back in 2006, so even though it’s been more than ten years, it still one of Simpson’s most infamous moments to date. After her slip up, she quickly left the stage as she was surrounded by silence instead of applause. Simpson said in an interview with E! News that the moment actually caused her to feel like her singing career was over. “I was just at a place where I’d lost a lot of confidence and I didn’t even know who I was.” Thankfully, Parton was a little bit more forgiving than the audience. Simpson said, “Dolly totally took me under her wing and helped me up and over the cares of the world.”

8. Marriage Is Money?

It’s no secret that Simpson’s clothing and shoe line is doing incredibly well. In fact, it reportedly brought in $750 million in 2010. In fact she’s cracked the billion dollar mark by now, so it’s safe to say she’s probably had more than enough room to make a few mistakes when it comes to her finances. But what did she say was her biggest one? She said, “The biggest money mistakes? I don’t know. For some reason I thought of my first marriage.” Either that was an admission that she and Lachey’s entire relationship was a publicity stunt, or maybe she was just saying she didn’t make great decisions financially then. After all, she was only 22 when she started filming the Newlyweds show with Lachey, who was 29 at the time. Either way, that whole statement was a hot mess without a doubt. But it gave a good laugh like Simpson always does.

7. When She Accidentally Spilled Those Beans

While most celebrities try to keep the gender of their children a secret, that was not the case for Jessica Simpson when she was pregnant with her son. Well, let me clarify — she probably did really want to keep the child’s gender private but she accidentally spilled the news about his sex on television in true Jessica Simpson form. It was during an interview with Jimmy Kimmel — I guess he has that Oprah Winfrey impact on people at times where they just want to tell all their business — when she said, “I never knew a wiener could actually make me nauseous.” She was describing her sickness during the pregnancy but used her unmatched wit to reveal it was a boy. “I just told the world that I’m having a boy!” What’s even more hilarious is that Kimmel had no idea what had just happened. Maybe Simpson is the one who has that impact on him.

6. That Nickname She Gave Herself

Jimmy Kimmel isn’t the only late-night host who Jessica Simpson had a pregnancy TMI moment with. Jay Leno and Kimmel can probably laugh about their times with the singer together. She was pregnant with her first child, daughter Maxwell, when she dished about her pregnancy for the first time with Leno. And she definitely made up for lost time after staying quiet about her first child for so long. From calling herself “swamp ass” after she said she literally “sweat” her “butt off” in the earlier stages of her pregnancy to revealing how she found out she was pregnant to begin with. She said she felt “guilty” about planning to drink cocktails with friends, so she took a test and it was positive. As for her cravings, she said there was nothing more she wanted than “slutty brownies.” They are a three layer desert full of cookie dough and Oreo cookies. As much of a hot mess this interview was, that dessert sure sounds tasty.

5. A Wannabe Mousketeer

So… about that Mickey Mouse Club moment. Yeah, let’s just talk about it and get it over with. Jessica Simpson belted out the infamous and very popular “Mickey Mouse” song and it actually garnered her a well-deserved applause in that moment. But what she did afterward was also cringe worthy. She suddenly channeled her inner wrestler and said, or rather shouted, “Yeah! That’s what I’m talking about! In your ears, Mousketeers!” The children’s faces behind her also have the ability to leave any adult speechless. If that wasn’t bad enough, she proceeded to pay homage to former popular Mousketeer Christina Aguilera as she asked one of the kids, “What’s wrong beautiful? I thought words can’t bring you down…” Apparently she might have been reliving what she felt was her destiny because she tried out for the slot on Disney’s The New Mickey Mouse Club back in 1993. The then 12-year-old Jessica froze after making it to the top 13. She was in the same group as Justin Timberlake.

4. She Gave Birth, Then Posted This On Twitter…

So after she had the big reveal of her baby boy, who later was revealed to be named Ace Knute the following June, she made it clear she still had a couple of more jokes in her that she wanted to share with her millions of followers and fans on social media. She wrote, “Eric got carried away with his swaddling skills!” But the photo that she had along with it was so corny, you had to laugh. And because it was the idea of Jessica Simpson tweeting it to begin with. Most were probably looking for little Ace to be swaddled in a cute blanket but instead, the photo showed Simpson’s mother, Tina Simpson, wrapped up in a blanket. Hey despite the awkward picture of the famous mother laying on a bed wrapped up in what looks like a potentially awkward situation, she was all smiles. Maybe this was some type of indication of where Jessica gets her humor.

3. Her Not-So-Happy Ending

Only Jessica Simpson can turn a perfectly amazing massage in Thailand into something even more hilarious than the norm. The singer and reality star had a new show called The Price of Beauty that featured Simpson and her two best friends Cacee Cobb and Ken Paves. The three of them went to Thailand for a nice vacation and ended up getting a Thai massage. Apparently it wasn’t as relaxing for Simpson, who complained about it moments later. “I thought Thai massages had happy endings,” she said. “I was just wondering where mine was.” Okay, so that just sounds completely inappropriate, but somehow when Simpson says things like that it’s just funny. Another memorable moment is when she couldn’t help but laugh after she was ordered to sit in Indian style for 40 minutes during a time of meditation. Anyone who expects Simpson to be able to do this should laugh as well — but not at her, only with her.

2. Drunken Nights Weren’t A Good Look

Jessica Simpson has been accused of having one too many nights of fun. One that’s still talked about today happened back in the summer of 2015. Hey, who doesn’t love summer nights? Well for Simpson this was one to remember, or maybe even forget. She was spotted looking out of it as she left Hollywood’s Sayers Club. At least her husband, Eric Johnson, was there with her to make sure nothing extremely bad happened under his watch. Still, it wasn’t a good look for Simpson, who has admitted to struggling with alcohol in the past. To make matters worse, her entire top almost fell down off of her shoulders. Once again, her husband was there to save the day. (Cue Ciara’s “Not My Goodies.”)Poor thing looked like she couldn’t even hold herself up in the car on the way home, or wherever they were going next. But she appeared to be all smiles once she put on her seat belt. At least she still values her safety.

1. Her TMI Pregnancy Moments

So let’s just say that Jessica Simpson’s entire first pregnancy could have been described as one of her most interesting hot mess moments or periods of time. Apparently she wanted us to relive every moment with her. That’s because she clearly just gave us way too much information as she explained how her pregnancy was impacting her body. One of her most famous quotes include her infamous “swamp a**” nickname that she told Leno about. “I had major swamp a** because I was wearing these Spanx to hold in my gut…It’s like the bayou up in that [area],” she said in a separate interview. Another quote was, “The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!” It was a retweet on Twitter from @OMGFacts that wrote, “The average person expels flatulence 15 times each day!” There was no question of how Simpson was doing during her pregnancy or how she felt about it thanks to moments like this. Yes, they were a hot mess. But did we love them? Absolutely!

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